Wedding Tactics

Dear Stacy, Would you care to discuss the ethics of a Friday evening (5pm) wedding, especially in a major metropolitan area (like Washington)? The date is special to us, but would be wrong to force our guests to drive through that traffic to get there?

Yes. No. I don’t know.

This is a tough question and I have to admit I have given it a few days of thought.

It boils down to this: What matter more to you: Having this particular wedding on this particular day and time? OR, sharing a wedding that might be at a different place and time, with our guests. If you want a guest centered wedding with extensive partying and dancing, then does the date really matter? If it matters most to have a certain sunset in a certain location at a specific time of the year, then that is your priority.

I think it is important when planning a wedding to choose a few things that matter most, and that will help the other details fall into place. For me, it was simply that I was going to be marrying Marc and that I had a bouquet that I wanted and that I got to dance with my Dad. I was very overwhelmed and emotional that so many people chose to travel for my wedding, so, I got more than what I wanted – I got it all. But, I would have been fine with it just being a few people and our marriage ceremony and my damn flowers. If you lay out your priorities, you won’t be disappointed if you stick to those goals.

I can’t give you a yes or know but I am going to be an impartial judge by pointing out of some important things to consider when planning a wedding at a potentially not so convenient time.

First of all, a Friday night wedding is a fine idea. They are not frequent but are well within reason and I would even venture to say, common, in some places where venues book up on weekend nights years in advance. Also a Friday evening is less expensive than a Saturday evening at certain venues because of demand. I’m all for finding ways to cut costs, so from that perspective, a Friday night is fine. Heck! A Wednesday afternoon is fine too if that’s what you want.

I’m not sure why you specify 5pm; does it have to begin at 5pm? Could you moved it to 7pm which is later, granted, but it does give people more time to leave work a little early, go home and change and attend your event. How crucial is this fact? Is this a top priority to you?
As I have said before, your wedding is your wedding. Would you have the same wedding if it was just you and your parents standing there watching you? Some weddings are for the couple getting married, while others are really a demonstration for the guests, a display of how much you can spend, or a chance to dazzle friends and family. What’s yours?

I have always believed that you are not forcing guests to attend at all. Just because you are inviting people to your wedding doesn’t mean they are forced to attend. Au contraire. If they choose to join you for the celebration, they chose to accept the travel, time constraints and financial responsibilities of attending, whatever that may be. If they are not comfortable accepting those facts, there is a line on the invitation allow them to send regrets.

So, let’s say you have a wedding at five o’clock in the evening on a Friday night in Washington, DC. Are your guests coming from out of town? Consider having a shuttle bus or van transport them from the hotel to the venue, this will cut down on traffic and allow the guests to enjoy the occasion rather than fight traffic and arrive, oh, err … frazzled? When people have a Sunday night wedding, guests are imposed upon to give up some of their Monday morning for travel. So, it makes sense that a Friday night wedding imposes a bit on the earlier end of the weekend, right? These are just the implications of accepting an invitation to an event.

To wrap up this non-answer, I would say this is not a matter of ethics. If you choose, for whatever reason, to have your wedding at a time that may be inconvenient for a lot of your guests, it is up to you to keep that in mind if they reply with regrets or are late for the ceremony. However, at all costs, guest should really try to arrive on time. But, if you are asking them to commute on Connecticut Avenue at rush hour on a Friday, seriously, it is a total crap shoot. Also, be kind if people tell you they aren’t able to make it. Life is busy and there are always scheduling conflicts, but if it is important to you to have a wedding in a certain way and that certain way isn’t easy for people to attend, just understand that and do what you want if that certain way really matters that much to you.