Wedding Tactics

Dear Stacy,

I’m a little early in my wedding planning but I have an important issue that is really stressing me out. My parents and my fiancée’s parents are very different. I am from Nebraska; my parents are career-farmers. My fiancée, ironically, was born and raised in Manhattan and his parents are NYC socialites. Both families are coming to visit us, in Washington, DC for Easter this coming weekend and we don’t know where to go for dinner or what to do with them during the day because they are just SO different. Please! Suggest something or send magic fairy dust.

Ok. Hum. Yes, this is a very valid issue and you are NOT the first bride to face this cultural gap. I do think it is rockin’ awesome that you and your fiancée are from such totally different backgrounds. Instead of focusing on the differences, celebrate the diversity that you two represent as a couple.

As far as your parents are concerned, chances are they are both very happy with their lives. They are living where they want to live, and doing what they want to be doing. They are both happy couples. So they won’t be discussing the growing season, late frost, or the latest trend on Park Avenue, but they do have you all in common. They both adore their children and are happy to see them moving along in life. Chances are they will be interested in each other and find each other’s facade to be not as intimidating as you are anticipating.

Also, stay focused on what is important. Are you talking about the wedding? Budget? Location? If so, have an outline of what needs to be decided THIS WEEKEND and what is just being put on the table for discussion. If you do not want to mention something, like, budget yet, you and your fiancée should each tell your respective parents before they arrive in town that you would like to avoid certain topics over the weekend. Most likely, they will respect your choices.

Where activities and restaurants are concerned … keep it neutral. Don’t want your Dad cheering about the Confederacy at the American History museum? Go to the Natural History Museum. Take a tour of the Capitol. Visit the Cherry Blossoms or a memorial. Try to visit places you are familiar with and you will feel more at ease and “in your own territory”.

Above all else, enjoy the time as three adult couples. This is a new time in your life. It is special, different, and full of change and emotions. Be in the moment. Don’t worry any more than you absolutely have to because it will all work out.