Life after the bouquet is tossed and the dress has been cleaned
My bouquet was never tossed and my dress is tinged black at the bottom and balled up in a dress bag in my closet. But my wedding is a memory growing fainter each day.
A reader wrote me recently wondering about life after her wedding. Will he change? Will she change? What will be different? Will it actually feel any better or worse?
The answers to these questions are about as individual as each person who has ever pondered them.
I didn’t have any doubts or what-if thoughts until about three days before my wedding when I paused, in the midst of running fifteen gagillion errands and thought, oh, I suppose I should stop flirting with salesmen in hope of getting discounts, and oh, huh, I guess I never will date anyone else. But, just as quickly as each thought came rushing into my head, they left, and I never looked back or thought twice.
If you are having these thoughts and they aren’t going away and your wedding isn’t just a day away, you might consider talking to a friend or therapist to explore what they really mean. Otherwise, these thoughts are more common and “normal” than a three tiered wedding cake.
Did anything change between us? Yes. Absolutely. Everything. And nothing at all. Depends on how you look at it.
We have a committement to each other that is deeper, legal, and recognized as the ultimate in committment. We still talk about the same things, we still have the same jobs, we are the same people at heart. Marriage, however, feels special. Yes, some things are different, there is more cohesion and the government recognizes your property as shared.
I guess the chance that things will change is always out there. But, if you are open and honest about who you are before there are rings on your fingers and three-inch planning binders in your lap, chances are, you will be just as open and honest and work together just as well after the I-DO’s, the cake smashing and the kissing of old relatives who smell funny.
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