Wedding Tactics

If you have already chosen a date for your wedding you know firsthand what a delicate little woven web it is to avoid offending people, trying to make people happy and manage to get married before the end of the decade. For all you recently engaged couples who are still “thinking it over” and “not yet settled on a date” … here are some tips, pitfalls to look out for and general complaints you can expect to hear.

The wedding over a holiday weekend debate meant that travel would be more expensive but people wouldn’t necessarily have to take as much time off from work. I thought I would feel guilty for taking someone’s intensely coveted three-day weekend. Although, in hindsight, I didn’t think much about it once the date was chosen and the invitations were in the mail. What seems huge today will be a faint memory tomorrow.

I got engaged in July, and I always knew I wanted a Fall wedding. That meant that we either had a wedding in December (yes, I know, not so much autumn anymore and also soon) … or we waited a year and a half.

I was not going to wait a year and a half.

Marc also said NO to December for that whole too soon reason. Men! If you can train for a marathon in four months; you can plan a wedding in four months.

When we finally decided where we wanted to get married, we just looked at the dates they had available and the openings began in early May. I did not want to get married on Mother’s Day or Memorial Day. May 20th was the earliest that our venue was available, so, that’s how we decided on our date.

I had friends beg me not to get married in December because they had another wedding to attend the week before, also in Florida and that would have been a lot of traveling for them.

My brother-in-law-to-be also asked me to move my wedding date, after I had put down a deposit, because his girlfriend’s sister was getting married the weekend before, and that’s just a lot of wedding-time for them. Sorry guys, you’ll get over it.

So much for my Fall wedding, or my December wedding.

We chose our date based on what was available at our venue. This was really just the beginning of the flexibility I would need to extend for wedding planning.

This Alvina Valenta bridesmaid gown is gorgeous. The cowl neckline is sultry, sexy and trendy. It retails for between $250 and $350, a wee bit expensive for the average bridesmaid but the colors are absolutely breathtaking. I would love to see this gown featured in a fall wedding ceremony held in an event hall, museum or historic mansion.

For a less costly bridal attendant dress consider this fun party dress, I like it in red. Made by Eden Bridals it is part of the Eden Maids line. Expect to find this gown for under $150.

You can also consider dress lines where you can order the same gown in a variety of colors and allow your bridesmaid to choose from any or a few color options. Ideal Bite suggests doing this so that the maids can reuse the gown at an event of their own choosing.

The Benefits ( According to Ideal Bite )

* Reusing. Just wearing a dress once isn’t exactly eco-friendly; typical bridesmaid dresses are made from acetate or polyester - both petroleum byproducts that require a lot of energy to produce.
* Not breaking their banks. Bridesmaid’s dresses cost an average of $138 each, which adds up if you’re like we are and everybody you freakin’ know is getting married.
* A dress they’ll actually wanna keep.

If you want to give the maids more flexibility but don’t want a rainbow of colors at your alter, consider choosing a simple black or brown cocktail gown that they can wear to other occasions.

Authorized pre-owned never-worn wedding gown. Would you bite?

Way back before my wedding and before I even found my perfect dress that I LOVED, I was in New York City for a weekend and wandered into RK Bridals and I found a great Maggie Sottero gown that fit me perfectly, and, it was on sale. So, I did what any engaged gal would do in that situation: I bought the dress.

Then, the next month I went shopping in Florida, where my wedding was going to be held and of course I found a dress, THE DRESS, MY DRESS. And I bought it.

In my defense, the dresses were both extremely low priced, both were just under $500. Which is great, unless you have two dresses and need to sell one of them.

Which brings me to this past week: I left my gorgeous unworn gown at a local bridal shop that sells on consignment. The dress has very classic lines, delicate beading, a chapel train and should fit a very real average sized body.

So now I wait hoping the gown will sell and I will make $337.50, my share of the consignment fee. Given the depreciation expected I will be quite pleased to get my check and since I bought that dress with my money, before our finances were merged, I just might go out and buy myself something to fit my recently baby-ravaged ill-fitted body.

If my dress doesn’t sell in ten months, the amount of time allowed in the consignment contract, I might consider selling it on Ebay or Craigslist, but I much prefer to lose a few dollars and have the professionals fix it up and snip the stray strings for me.
Sometimes it all does work out.

Just because you are having a Spring wedding doesn’t mean you have to have a pastel wedding. Pastel colors are a little muted and if you aren’t into them, don’t feel you have to use those colors just because of the Hallmark-esk association.

If you want an elegant and simple look, consider what this bride did, she had her maids wear a simple black cocktail dress that they could use again. Her flowers add the color. The dresses are shorter than most styles which alone gives the hint of warmer weather.

It should be common knowledge now that the President’s daughter, Jenna is engaged to be married on May 10, 2008. In a recent issue of People magazine there was a one-page spread of the details they are choosing to publicize. So far, all we know is that the couple is planning a private, 200-person affair in Crawford, Texas.

I suppose Jenna has a soft spot in her heart for Texas. I do not. Had my father been the president and my wedding able to be held at the White House, I think I would have jumped at the chance for this one-of-a-kind venue. However, I’ll overlook our differences in venue to offer Jenna some wedding suggestions.

The best wedding themes debuting this season are green, as in, eco-conscious, eco-friendly, earthy and earth friendly. Even the simplest of “green” touches makes for a trendy wedding. Thus, I recommend for the most famous/infamous family in the nation right now, a “green” wedding. Of course, not every details needs to be free of chemicals, free of harm, free of animal testing, etc …

For starters, for the bride of the season I suggest a classy and traditional gown, appropriate for a country wedding at any time of day and well suited for Jenna’s curvy but fit body.

A silk satin, strapless, dropped waist, Gail Garrison gown with a semi-cathedral train.

A dominant color in this classical but earthy wedding is green. Subtle uses of the timeless color: green.

This Ann Taylor bridesmaid gown in meadow green is affordable and well tailored for the average woman’s body. Although it is a shorter length more typical of an afternoon or country-club wedding, the fabric is elegant enough for evening, especially when paired with heels and an up-do hairstyle.

I am usually a fan of a good splash of color but for a “green” wedding I really like the calla lily. In this photo the bouquet is paired with a few strands of bear grass. Bouquets of callas are best when the stems are left open and wrapped with a single strand of ribbon.

And finally, the sweetest part of the wedding, the cake!

The grass is handpainted on white fondant icing. For more detail on this cake, visit the website of the original baker, Sweet Melissa Patisserie.

A runway-ready 2008 Carolina Herrera wedding gown.

For the simple but elegant summer bride, JCrew offers a line of wedding dresses.

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I’ve been writing for Wedding Tactics for a full year now. When I started maintaining this site I didn’t know what it would become and how long I’d be writing. In fact, at the time, 451 Press was still just getting off the ground. In fact, its been pretty amazing watching the network grow along with my site.

My first posting discussed the differences between a marriage and a wedding. The first few months following this entry I used the planning of my own wedding as a guide for what to write about.

A few times I mentioned the issues in gaining a new set of parents and specifically, the mother-in-law.

I wrote a lot about dresses and veils and accessories.
And for a few months I had featured columns on certain days of the week, Trends on Tuesday and Traditions Thursday. I used these headlines as a means to explain traditions like the tossing of the garter.

April was a very popular month on this site. My stats went thru the roof, but that was a very popular wedding time of year. I get asked frequently about the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue thing. The meaning and its history are detailed here.

One of my all-time favorite posting was about what guests should wear to a wedding. I noticed during the Spring months that several clothing stores were featuring lines of dresses for wedding guests. This is a good guide to style options depending on the wedding venue.

I got married in May. Then, I started a new job in June and my postings got a bit less frequent for awhile. Meanwhile, I did profile some great summer wedding themes.

As the year went on I tried to focus on all the different issues surrounding weddings, including mens clothing, or, tuxedos and a few funny stories too, like this one about a guy who lost his wedding ring.

And, finally, the most recent repeating column, Wedding Tactics: On Location, features vendors and venues in random cities. By featuring actual wedding business providers across the nation, I hope that readers from all states will be attracted to read and follow along and also to ask questions and participate in the Wedding Tactics dialogue. The On-Location feature can be seen here, here and here. And also here.

Thanks to all the readers who made this a successful year for me and 451 Press. I look forward to another even better year here.

Happy New Year!

Eden Bridals is one of my favorites, they have a great variety of classically styled gowns.

This organza gown has an empire waist with beads and lace. The skirt is an A-line and the train is chapel length.

This strapless satin gown has a full skirt and a chapel length train with beading, pearls and crystals.

Venus Bridal has a tasteful selection of mother-of-the-bride gowns. They are slightly conservative but stylish and sexy too. The warm colors of the gowns below are also perfect for weddings in the fall and winter.

I spent months working on this posting. Well, not months, but I started working on it months ago and was saving it for a special occasion, like NaBloPoMo. But now, I’m sad to see it go further down the page and out of sight. Maybe I can just link to it, ya know, like this…

Hey! Do you know what an A-Line skirt is? No? Read about it here!

If you are looking for favors for a wedding or a bachelorette party, consider these delicious and awesomely decorated cookies. Each cookie comes in a cellophane bag with a little ribbon. To see some other wedding related cookie shapes, click here.

Another favor I really like is this double-heart handled coffee scoop. This is a great little token gift because it is something that people can always use. It’s delicate and personal too - the perfect favor.

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

Fall weddings have become increasingly popular lately. 13% of couples are now married in the month of October alone. Depending on your locale, September is a very common month too.

During this season people start thinking more about family and home and being together. This makes for a cozy and romantic wedding.

A common worry about fall weddings is unpredictable weather. Read here for ideas of how to have backup plans that don’t take over the actual plan.

Some potential venues for a fall wedding include country inns, old churches or meeting houses, old barns and restored mills. These weddings have a rustic but casually elegant feel. If you want to incorporate nature and the outdoors, look for orchards and vineyards.
If you just like the feel of the season but want to stay inside, consider a gentleman’s club or university club that has dark wood floors and fireplaces.

Traditional fall color schemes are red, orange, yellow and brown. If you want to keep it more simple and less like a kids coloring book of the seasons, choose one color above, like a dark chocolate color and highlight it with punches of bright yellow or burnt orange, or even a very spring color such as pink. Brown with blue and pink is tremendously popular in the wedding world these days.

If you are keeping with the season for inspiration, consider serving roast turkey, quail and squash soup a baked apple dessert and pumpkin spiced cider.

If you really don’t like the fall colors but enjoy the season, choose a timeless scheme like black and white.
If you are attending a fall wedding and want to be seasonal, consider a dress like one of these for a formal wedding.

So far, being a pregnant bridesmaid is just a bit scary. I am nervous about how I will feel and how my dress will fit and how I will look among non-pregnant people. I suppose, only time will tell.

The best part is that I have a great seamstress and luckily, a dress that was able to be ordered many many sizes too big so that it would fit my stomach. I’m still going to be very nervous about it fitting until the day of the wedding, which is just less than one month away.

Many dressmakers make maternity dresses which are two pieces, made to stretch and hang loosely. If the bride has choosen a dress with an empire waist line, you really can just order a dress four to five sizes larger to accomodate any growth you might have, and then the dress can be taken in along the empire seam. The drawback is that the bust area will be way too large for someone who has just gained weight in the baby carrying area. However, a good seamstress can work with anything.

Eden Bridals makes a maternity line that is very simple and flatters all figures. These dresses are more suitable for an evening or formal wedding. They are long and simple.

Watters bridal makes maternity bridesmaid dresses that are better suited for an outdoor, afternoon or tea-party style wedding. They are shorter and little more sporty. Again, they flatter all figures.

pregnant, bridesmaid, maternity dress, Eden, Watters

This is NOT me and NOT my dress. But, you know, it could be this bad

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding on October 14th. Four weeks from today, exactly.

I am 25 weeks pregnant and will be 30 weeks pregnant at that wedding.

For those of ya’ll who don’t know, that’s grossly and obscenely pregnant. Most pregnancies are about 40 weeks long but 37 weeks is totally full term and ready to pop.

I’m wearing a real dress too. Or at least, that is the plan. I will definitely post pictures and explain in detail what my seamstress did once I get my dress back. I can’t get my final alterations until just at the last minute, for obvious reasons.

But, the bride is being very considerate and giving me a chair to sit in during the ceremony. I should only have to wear my heels for pictures and for walking down the aisle.

I am a little uneasy about posing for photos with three other women who are a combined total of a size ten. I mean, they are size 0, 4, and 6 respectively and I will be a shadow-casting whale in my pregnant glory. Oy.

It is very much possible to incorporate pregnant friends into a wedding. Try to be as understanding as possible, especially if you haven’t experienced pregnancy yourself. You have no idea how much her back is hurting or how swollen her feet really are. Offer to have chairs nearby and if all of that is too much for you to worry about, have a heart to heart conversation about with your bridesmaid about how she feels about possibly NOT being in the wedding party but rather just helping out in different ways. You might be very surprised at how happy she is to relinquish her duties.

pregnancy, pregnant, bridesmaid, dress, wedding