Wedding Tactics

If you have already chosen a date for your wedding you know firsthand what a delicate little woven web it is to avoid offending people, trying to make people happy and manage to get married before the end of the decade. For all you recently engaged couples who are still “thinking it over” and “not yet settled on a date” … here are some tips, pitfalls to look out for and general complaints you can expect to hear.

The wedding over a holiday weekend debate meant that travel would be more expensive but people wouldn’t necessarily have to take as much time off from work. I thought I would feel guilty for taking someone’s intensely coveted three-day weekend. Although, in hindsight, I didn’t think much about it once the date was chosen and the invitations were in the mail. What seems huge today will be a faint memory tomorrow.

I got engaged in July, and I always knew I wanted a Fall wedding. That meant that we either had a wedding in December (yes, I know, not so much autumn anymore and also soon) … or we waited a year and a half.

I was not going to wait a year and a half.

Marc also said NO to December for that whole too soon reason. Men! If you can train for a marathon in four months; you can plan a wedding in four months.

When we finally decided where we wanted to get married, we just looked at the dates they had available and the openings began in early May. I did not want to get married on Mother’s Day or Memorial Day. May 20th was the earliest that our venue was available, so, that’s how we decided on our date.

I had friends beg me not to get married in December because they had another wedding to attend the week before, also in Florida and that would have been a lot of traveling for them.

My brother-in-law-to-be also asked me to move my wedding date, after I had put down a deposit, because his girlfriend’s sister was getting married the weekend before, and that’s just a lot of wedding-time for them. Sorry guys, you’ll get over it.

So much for my Fall wedding, or my December wedding.

We chose our date based on what was available at our venue. This was really just the beginning of the flexibility I would need to extend for wedding planning.

I’ve been writing for Wedding Tactics for a full year now. When I started maintaining this site I didn’t know what it would become and how long I’d be writing. In fact, at the time, 451 Press was still just getting off the ground. In fact, its been pretty amazing watching the network grow along with my site.

My first posting discussed the differences between a marriage and a wedding. The first few months following this entry I used the planning of my own wedding as a guide for what to write about.

A few times I mentioned the issues in gaining a new set of parents and specifically, the mother-in-law.

I wrote a lot about dresses and veils and accessories.
And for a few months I had featured columns on certain days of the week, Trends on Tuesday and Traditions Thursday. I used these headlines as a means to explain traditions like the tossing of the garter.

April was a very popular month on this site. My stats went thru the roof, but that was a very popular wedding time of year. I get asked frequently about the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue thing. The meaning and its history are detailed here.

One of my all-time favorite posting was about what guests should wear to a wedding. I noticed during the Spring months that several clothing stores were featuring lines of dresses for wedding guests. This is a good guide to style options depending on the wedding venue.

I got married in May. Then, I started a new job in June and my postings got a bit less frequent for awhile. Meanwhile, I did profile some great summer wedding themes.

As the year went on I tried to focus on all the different issues surrounding weddings, including mens clothing, or, tuxedos and a few funny stories too, like this one about a guy who lost his wedding ring.

And, finally, the most recent repeating column, Wedding Tactics: On Location, features vendors and venues in random cities. By featuring actual wedding business providers across the nation, I hope that readers from all states will be attracted to read and follow along and also to ask questions and participate in the Wedding Tactics dialogue. The On-Location feature can be seen here, here and here. And also here.

Thanks to all the readers who made this a successful year for me and 451 Press. I look forward to another even better year here.

Happy New Year!

If you are planning a fall wedding and want to incorporate some of the harvest season colors, you will find yourself looking to nature for some natural hues.

Leaves and acorns are popular seasonal icons and many invitations are available with these decals and icons. Look at a leaf that has just fallen from a tree, you’ll see copper, ivory, yellows, golden browns and even some burgundy reds.

Bridesmaid gowns are available in more colors than ever before. One of my favorites, and I never thought I would like this color, but I do, is espresso, or, brown. Consider this gown from Alred Angelo, the color is seasonal and rich and the golden sash adds just a touch of femininty. Alfred Angelo is a great designer. Their dresses are suitable for many body types and they are affordable.

Deep red, which is one of my favorite leaf colors adds a touch of romanticism. Consider adding deep red roses to a bouquet or centerpiece or tie red ribbons on the the backs of the chairs. Depending on your wedding date and locale and, well, how much you like Halloween and the harvest season, pumpkins and mums make great decorations and are rather inexpensive to buy. Stepping up a little big, the picture below illustrates chairs draped in golden covers paired with tables in deep red cloths.

This cake is from Diana’s Cakes and More

You can make an elegant centerpiece by mixing fresh fruit with flowers. Consider a bowl of green and red applies surrounded by small bud vases with one rose or one hydrangea blossom. Pomogranates, peppers and dried corn also make excellent accent pieces.

Blue works with all seasons, but it has a special use in fall. When the sky is a clear, crisp dark blue and the air doesn’t get any fresher; what a magical feeling to replicate in your wedding. Deep shades of blue, navy, cobaly and sapphire are great for this coming season. Accent with lavendar and periwinkle shades and touches of sparkly silver.

One final touch, surround your tables and wedding location with candle light. It provides a warm glow.

Summer is a great time to get married - the air is fresh, the days are sunny and long and the flowers are in bloom and full of color!

Here are some examples of the flowers that are readily aviailable and vibrantly full of color for your summer wedding:

Examples of great summer flowers that come in a variety of colors:
Iris:

Lily:

Calla Lily:

Gerber Daisy:

Bachelor parties conjure up two thoughts: alcohol and nudie bar, no?

Bachelor parties have grown up a little in the past decade or so. As people are getting married later in life, the bachelor party is no longer just an excuse to get drunk with the guys one last time, and see the last pair of tits for the rest of your life. But rather, a bachelor party is also an opportunity to hang with the guys, it is the one time in the entire wedding planning process that the dear husband-to-be gets any attention whatsoever.

Bachelor parties of this decade are totally still about getting drunk and going to a strip club, it is just that this outing is usually one of several over the course of a weekend.

More and more grooms are traveling over one hundred miles from home, often several states away, with a few guy friends for a weekend of fun.

The most recent trend is a golf outing, seconded by gambling or some sort of outdoor activity like hiking, biking or camping. Men are finding it a welcome change of pace to go away with a few friends for a weekend shortly before the wedding. These trips usually span a weekend and can easily be planned without missing work.

It is highly advised that bachelor parties occur at least a week or two before the wedding, as the hangover and any jet lag from travel can take a few days to work itself out.

10. Cabo San Lucas, Mexico Known for Marlin fishing, beer drinking, and watching women.

9. Scottsdale, Arizona Known for GOLF, a great place to head if you want to sample sun awesome sun and fresh air. The steak restaurants and beer are plentiful and the clubs are the hot spot at night.

8. Whistler, British Columbia (Canada) Head to Whistler for skiing, mountain biking, hiking and nature watching. There are good bars and cigars and partaking in a certain natural herb is legal, when done conspicuously. Downside? It can be a pricey place to go, especially in mid-winter.

7. New York City Steaks. Food. Clubs. Bars. I can’t think of anything that DOESN’T happen in NYC. Greasy, oily pizza at 3:30am, after a wild night of drinking and dancing? Oh yeah!! If you are into the urban scene, this is the place to have a bachelor party. Hotel rates can be steep, so consider doubling up and sharing rooms.

6. New Orleans Mardi. Gras. Bars. Sensational food. Rum. Post-Hurricane Katrina, hotel rates are still low and the city is not crowded. Businesses that are open greatly appreciate your business. But please, perhaps don’t your smelly stinking clothes home to your soon-to-be wife. Consider brining a trash bag to wrap them in, INSIDE your suitcase. This is also a great locale if you are into touring weather ravaged areas. And, if you are the good-Samaritan type, consider working with a group like Habitat for Humanity or any of the number of rebuilding organizations in coastal Louisiana right now.

5. Vancouver, British Columbia Good nightlife, clubs and women. But, it is Canada. Don’t forget your passport. Also, there are a lot of pick pockets in this city. When drinking, be aware of your wallet.

4. Chicago, Illinois Museums. Wrigley Field. This was Frank Sinatra’s city. The Mafia? You won’t have to look far for a Gentleman’s Club.

3. South Beach, Florida Beach. Sun. Nightclubs. Women in bikinis driving convertibles.

2. Montreal, Quebec (Canada) Trendy bars and clubs. If you are planning a trip here, be sure to visit, Montreal VIP - the website.

1. Las Vegas, Nevada Does this one really need any hype? What happens in Vegas ….

The order and selection of these locales is courtesy of AskMen.Com

Weddings can put anyone into serious debt and too often, people let this happen. However … here are some great ways to spruce up your event and add some personal touches that will make even the most elite and snobby guest feel honored and entertained.

Instead of the traditional number on table, incorporate some aspect of your theme into your table names and name each table as such. Some couples will put pictures of themselves as children in small frames on the tables to give guests something reminiscent to look at and talk about. If you have an outdoor wedding with an English Garden theme, you can name the tables after flowers and garden plants, such as: Lavender, Lily of the Valley, Violet, Daffodil, Tulip, Rosemary and Daisy. You can even put one long stem of each flower on the table and create a room or patio of English garden flowers.

Make it personal! If one of you is a foodie, for example, name your tables after favorite dishes or food themes. Often a couple will choose to incorporate a favorite family recipe into the wedding meal. This gives an extra personal touch and more meaning to the meal. Guests will love learning about the couple’s likes and each other’s families.

Lavender makes a great centerpiece! If you put a small potted lavender in the center of the table, guests can take them home and plant them, or the couple or the parents can plant them in a garden as a reminder of the event. To avoid re-potting, buy some opaque colored plastic or cellophane wrap in the gift-wrap aisle and wrap the pots and tie with ribbon. Super nice and super cheap!

Rehearsal dinners have recently taken on a life of their own. Once thought to be an event planned for the immediate family as a dinner to follow the actual ceremony rehearsal, they are now larger events that often times rival the wedding itself and include sometimes all of the out of town guests.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is given by the groom’s family. Since this usually happens in the bride’s hometown or the couple’s hometown, which isn’t always where the groom’s family lives, planning can be difficult.

It is always best to start early and look for restaurants that can give you a large private room. Since this is the groom’s family’s chance to give a party, understandably, they may feel they need to produce quite the extravaganza. However! Keep in mind … people are coming to these events to celebrate with you and your family. If they are coming solely for the food or entertainment or comfortable classy experience, then, don’t pay any attention to them. Commonly the meal is buffet with barbeque or cook-out style food because it is suppose to be casual. You make the event what you want it to be.

Rehearsal dinners are almost always a much more relaxed and casual event than the actual wedding the following day. Most people will have just arrived into town if they are coming from other cities and states. Give them a nice meal and some music and a good sense of family. Use the rehearsal dinner to set the mood and tone for the next day. Keep it simple. Think family. Marriage. Love. Friendship.

Frequently at rehearsal dinners the couple will run a slide show of themselves as kids and more recent pictures of them together. Last summer I went to rehearsal dinner where the groom made one for his bride. These are great entertainment pieces because it makes the night very reminiscent for the parents and even guests who didn’t know the couple as children always enjoy seeing cute pictures of the couple before they met.

Toasts are given by the family and the bridal party and thanks are given by the couple. Frequently, the couple will choose this time to give small token gifts to the bridal party and their parents.

The rehearsal dinner is a time to relax. It shouldn’t compete with the wedding the following day, but rather, compliment it by adding more time for the family to be together and mingle.

rehearsal dinner, slide show, wedding, favors, bride, groom

One of the many things that a wedding is cause for is good food. I have heard people talk about how they go to weddings to get good food.

Being a bride and having to plan a wedding knowing that people are only half coming for the food, it makes me angry and tempts me to serve them spaghetti and meat balls. However, I will refrain from such childish behavior. I will just select the cheapest menu options so that my guests can choose from tasteless chicken and too-dry fish.

Fad diets are out for 2007 and people are eating real food again. Don’t be afraid to serve lamb or veal as a meal option. Lamb can be extremely tasty, especially when cooked with rosemary and garlic. It is a very moist meat and doesn’t get overly dry like chicken can.

For the cocktail hour and appetizers the trend right now is mini. Mini pot pies, mini demitasse cups of tomato soup, and bite sized grilled cheese sandwiches. If you are thinking grilled cheese? What!? Think gruyere cheese on mini pumpernickel or mini rye toasts.

Comfort food is always popular especially if the family attending will recognize it as such. If there is a pasta dish or a meat dish that the family adores, serve it! It will add an extra personal touch and guests will feel honored, more relaxed and at home.

Cheese plates are popping up as a fourth meal course and as appetizers. Cheese plates can be simple or elaborate depending on the couple’s tastes. Just have a variety of cheeses and accessorize the plate with some grapes, crackers or bread. And! Don’t forget the wine and classic cocktails, both of which are making a come back over fruity sweet drinks.

cheese plate, lamb, veil, wine, cocktail hour, wedding food, wedding reception

The weather is just beginning to warm up a little.

There are buds on the trees and the tips of my daffodils and hyacinths are pressing up through the mulch in my front yard.

In eight days it will officially be Spring. However, for anyone having a spring wedding, the planning and thinking of pastel colors and fresh flowers has been going on all winter long.

Some new trends you might see in the coming months at a wedding reception are a lack of white linens. That’s right … as many people have come to expect white linens and chair coverings, planners and decorators have thrown in a twist, a green table cloth and complementary shades of green for the chair coverings and napkins. Pair this green scheme with some very natural looking boxwood bush, a la the bonsai or some English ivy and lilies.

Large square tables are replacing the typical traditional round tables. They seat more people and give a cleaner, trendier edge to the room. The cake, which was once a centerpiece of the reception proving great flavor and taste has become such a design piece that often the actual cake loses out in the taste. Couples are now focusing more on improving the taste of their cake, keeping the design simple and sleek and highlighting the top tier with a personalized emblem, such as a large silver initial, rather than fresh or icing-made flowers.

If you are having or attending a spring wedding, you can have your cake (more simple, sleek, tastier too) and eat it too! (at the larger square tables)

Wedding hairstyle are not demonstrating a distinctive trend right now, but rather a few style choices are very popular.

Option 1: Long, loose romantic waves

Option 2: Sleek, trendy, sophisticated updo

Option 3: Combination of option 1 and 2 featuring a hair-do, all up or half up, pulled back in a softer style with wisps or curls.

Brides are choosing hair styles based on the kind of dress they are wearing and the type of wedding they are having. A bride wearing a sun-dressy kind of lacey wedding dress celebrating with a garden wedding and high tea-style luncheon might wear a long loose hair style while for an urban wedding at an art gallery a bride might wear the sophisticated and severe updo.

The in-between styles are for the rest of us. Most brides choose a little curl or softness as it flatters the face, neck and chest which most dresses reveal at least a little of.

It is also important to choose a hair-do that won’t get in your way. If you tend to play with your hair or don’t like hair in your face, then don’t choose a loose style, at least have it pulled back with clips or a tiara. Think about what will work for you and your wedding style. Also, if your partner is close in height, a big updo might make you appear taller. And finally, before settling on a particular hair style for your wedding day, be sure you have decided on head-accessories, clips with pearls or stones, fresh flowers and whether or not you will wear a veil and how it will attach. If you aren’t sure about these things, talk with your hair stylist, he or she will be able to recommend what is best.

hairstyles, bride, veil, wedding

Bridal showers these days vary greatly depending on who is giving them and who is being honored. Some ultra-girlie showers include many games while others are slightly more on the conservative side, offering a luncheon, a high tea, gifts and just simple conversation. Also? There are some that feature a little bit of both sides and everything in between.

My bridal shower consisted of the women invited to my wedding who live locally, a few coworkers who have yet to be invited (limited spacing and finances being the reason), and some friends of my mother-in-law and friends of my aunt-in-law who gave me the shower. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s October ‘07 wedding and I have been asked by her Mother-in-Law’s friends to help plan that shower which will consist mostly of not-invited-to-the-wedding friends of the groom’s mother. So, shower’s can be given and hosted by anyone who is willing and able.

Some of the games that I have seen played:

1. Toilet paper wedding dress. The crowd is broken into teams and they choose one lady who models a wedding dress made out of toilet paper that her teammates create. A winner is choosen and little token gifts are given out.

2. Trivia! Someone creates a trivia game about the darling bride and the guests have to guess and whoever gets the right answers gets a token gift. Examples of questions: 1. Who knows something about the bride’s sex life? 2. What is the bride’s favorite pair of underwear? 3. Where did the bride and groom go on their first date? 4. Where did the proposal take place? And a host of other tailored to the bride and groom questions.

3. As the bride opens her gifts, someone creates a hat or a bouquet out of all the ribbons from the gift packages. The bride then has to wear this for the remainder of the shower, or if it a bouquet, she can use it as her bouquet at her rehersal in the coming weeks or months. This is me … a blush bride, holding a hodgepodge of ribbons and bows which is supposedly practice for holding the real bouquet.

4. BINGO! Bridal Themed and Love Themed. Theses games are available at WeddingChannel.com.

5. Last, but definitely not least, there is Bridal Shower Lottery, a fun and conversation invoking game.

If you have met with a florist, read a bridal magazine or even talked with your mother-in-law about about your centerpieces, you know that the latest trend is to have high centerpieces, held up with tall thin glass vases. The alternative is a short tight packed bunch of flowers, or something far more conservative and typical. To be honest, the possibilties are truly endless.

Here is an example of the “tall” centerpiece:

These tall centerpieces are excellent for promoting conversation at your tables. You get the fabulous look of flowers on your table, but the clear vase allows for easy talking among guests. A common complaint is that the centerpieces block conversation. So, the best thing to do is keep it low or jack it up really high.

The low centerpieces can be a bouquet of anything, any flowers in your colors, accented by shells, candles, leaves, whatever your theme and season promote. A common floral design right now is the small square vase packed tightly with rose blossoms. This gives a very full flower image without taking up much space. But, a word from the not-yet-wise-enough, a small four inch by four inch vase can hold six or eight rose stems, even if it looks small, you are still paying for six or eight stems of whatever flower is packed in there. Just, a note for the budget conscious.

Pictures of some small, low centerpieces:

For those who are closely watching the pennies but want something dynamic, be sure to ask about a centerpiece of candles, which shouldn’t cost more than fifteen dollars, accented by flower petals, maybe another twnety dollars.

Also, greenery is cheaper than flowers and just as elegant, especially when elevated.

Also, if it is at all possible, try to arrange for a close friend or family member to take your left over centerpieces and flowers to a local nursing home or hospital. This way, you do a good deed, your flowers don’t go to waste, someone else gets to enjoy them and it is just good karma.

I recently read on a Houston-based website that a new trend had popped up … putting a bridal portrait on the hotel key card!

I can definitely see that this is a sort of “cute” idea … but it doesn’t do anything for me.

Magnet save-the-date cards with a picture? That works. No?

Another new trend that is growing in popularity for no real reason? Colored gowns.

I’m really a white-wedding-dress kind of girl so these gowns featuring some colah! are not really speaking to me, persay. However, I KNOW some of ya’ll readers out there are in search of a gown that is, different, interesting, odd?

Alas, I know how to keep the readers happy. Please ignore my nasty comments if you LIKE these dress abominations, er, I mean, alterations.

This Maggie Sottero gown comes in three color options, the most unusual being oyster with blue trim. I know some common wedding colors are white, silver and blue, in varying shades, but … not on the dress. Please!

I’ve mentioned a few times that my COLORS are pink and sand. Pink is good for flowers, linens, maybe a favor or a decoration, but NOT, and I repeat, NOT as the color of your DRESS. I like to think of this as the Pepto Gown.

This is YOUR dress if you like color, or rather, colors, and just can’t decide on one obnoxious color.

This dress is totally a must have for a wedding at Hedonism! You are already half naked! Yes! They really do weddings!!

In honor of where I am this week, and of course, the current season, today’s Trends on Tuesday will feature trends for winter weddings.

Ah … a winter wedding.

Potential Response #1: WHY?
Potential Response #2: WHY the heck not?

Winter weddings are gaining popularity for a variety of reasons, convenience; it is a less popular time of year for weddings therefore the potential for the big savings exists if you are willing to look for them. And also … snow is pretty, it is white, it blends! Winter weddings frequently have blue and silver tones; one of my personal favs, and also the potential exists for a magical, cinematic, and glamorous winter wonderland.

For your winter wedding venue, consider an old country inn or private mansion with a fireplace and heavy exposed beam architecture. Many hotels, clubs and inns will be decorated for the winter holidays and you might not need to decorate the venue as much as you would in any other season. You’ll have to accept what they already have for decor, most likely, pine wreaths, holly with berries, poinsettias and eucalyptus. Consider serving spiced cider, egg nog, pumpkin soup, and venison or elk stew.

Winter wedding cake toppers frequently follow the snowflake theme, here is one option:

Also consider a horse drawn carriage for your getaway after the reception.

Winter weddings are gaining popularity. In fact, I really pulled for a December ceremony for myself, but my family told me four months was not enough time to prepare and I didn’t want to wait a year a half before getting married; it wasn’t that important. If you get engaged in the spring and are thinking a December wedding might just work for you - go for it! Look for dresses with sleeves be sure to buy a wrap or something to keep your arms warm for those outdoor photos. Enjoy and celebrate the season, and most of all, be different and make it your own!