Wedding Tactics

Dear Stacy: I am marrying a man with two children, ages 7 and 10. This is my first marriage, his second. It is important to us that they be a part of our wedding day and to keep them entertained, I thought they could each invite a friend to the reception. However, we want an adult party. My fiance thinks that people will be offended that they couldn’t bring their own children, but that we still had 4 kids running around the party. How can we handle this situation?

This is a touchy subject no matter what you choose because you will either end up with people disgruntled at your decision or a wedding that isn’t exactly what you want it to be. This is one of a handful of wedding issues where the debate is unfortunately unending.

First off, and it sounds like you have already done this, be sure that you and your partner agree on what you want for the wedding, that way, even if relatives and friends are upset, you have presented a united front and your families can’t blame each other.

Your finance does make a good point. It isn’t really, oh… I hate when I say these things, but it isn’t really “right” to have your kids there and not invite other kids. BUT! It’s your wedding, you are allowed to do whatever you want and people just have to accept that. (SIDE NOTE: I have friends getting married next year, the child issue is still being debated, they are much closer to my husband than to me. If they don’t allow kids, I will just stay home with Noah. You couldn’t pay me to camp out all weekend in a hotel in Random-Ass, New Jersey with a 16 month old and not even get the open bar benefit.) So, that said, some people may just decide not to attend. Can you accept that?

I would actually sort of recommend not letting the kids have a friend there. You said he has two kids, they can entertain each other, and more so, there will be a lot of family members there excited to see them and that might provide entertainment enough.

If you are at all on the fence, consider inviting kids and hiring a sitter to watch kids in an upstairs hotel room or at a local off-site home. Or, invite kids and then ask that they leave by 10pm so that there are a few adult-only hours for some good partying.

I respect your wishes and applaud you for tackling this issue head-on. The notion that you suggest isn’t really correct or acceptable by “etiquette” standards. If you can live with going wildly against Miss Manners, then by all means, go right ahead. I urge you to consider a few alternatives and specifically the idea that your kids may not need their own friends for entertainment.

Beautiful Bridal has recently written a great piece about writing your own vows.

Make your ceremony unique and special … Click here to read the entire article.

This hair was done by Elegant Hair by Giselle in Rockville, Maryland and the photo was taken by Weddings by Pamela.

The invitation arrived in the mail a month ago and you just sent back the reply card with a check next to will attend and chicken. You mark your calendar blackberry and head to your closet or the nearest department store to decide what to wear.

You might think to yourself that it IS easier to be in the wedding party because then you don’t have to choose your own clothes. Huh, tough call. There are a few simple rules to follow to ensure that you do not stick out like a sore thumb for being over or under dressed, or the lady with the stupid hat. The idea is to be dressed appropriately for the event, time of day, location and most of all, wear something that compliments your body, or really, doesn’t make you look like a whore. It is, after all, somebody’s wedding.

WOMEN:

A short dress or not-too-business like suit is acceptable for a casual or semi-formal daytime wedding. For an evening wedding, informal or semi-formal, think: country club, garden wedding, pool or lakeside, a cocktail dress is called for. If the wedding takes place midday and is formal, think: a VIP wedding, suits and dresses are appropriate and hats and gloves are optional, a la Jackie Kennedy. Evening and black-tie events dictate a long dress or a fancy short cocktail dress stepped up with glitzy accessories or a shoulder wrap. They may be few and far between, but a white tie ultra formal event calls for a long gown and extra glam like furs, and rented diamond jewelery.

MEN:

During the day a man should wear a dress shirt, pants and a sports coat. A suit is best for an evening wedding or a formal daytime wedding. You are safer if the suit is dark in color. A light colored suit is acceptable for a lakeside or beach wedding. I hope I don’t need to say, SUIT AND TIE. Please, please tell me that it implied that when I say wear a suit you know I mean, suit and tie. If you are attending a nighttime wedding or the invitation specifies black-tie, men should wear a tuxedo.

If you want to read more about how what is expected of a wedding guest and how to be a gracious guest, click here.

One of the tools I found most useful in planning my own wedding day and in helping a friend with her wedding was to have a time-line of all the chores and tasks and appointments written out with expected time needs. This really helped us plan ahead of time for when we would need to wake up, eat, have the grandparents arrive, etc.

Consider the following activities and how much time they usually take:

2-3 hours: ‘Maids and ‘Moms getting hair and makeup done
1.5 hours: girls putting on dresses/finishing touches (guys getting ready during this time)
35 minutes: group girl pictures
35 minutes: group guy pictures
35-60 minutes: any other shots that would be easier to take before the ceremony
15-20 minutes: all bridal party members should have this time to relax, get a glass of water, touch up make-up, get flowers and corsages pinned on, while ceremony guests arrive and find seats
30 minutes-1 hour: Ceremony
45 minutes: receiving line (although these are not too common anymore)
30-45 minutes: formal pictures with family at the altar/chuppah, this is usually during the cocktail hour
1-1.5 hours: wedding party pics and bride & Groom shots. (if you choose a location that is close to the reception or the ceremony site, that works perfectly!!!) If this is done before the ceremony you will miss a lot less of your reception. I recommend doing it before the ceremony.

Be sure to eat something light and healthy on the morning of the wedding. Also, drink water, enough to avoid feeling dehydrated but not so much that you have to use a bathroom too frequently. Getting that dress on once is hard enough! If you do need a pee-break, ask a gal-pal to help you get your dress up and then down again. Even for the most modest of brides, this is one area where help is really needed.

Wholly Matrimony just published a three-part piece about planning your wedding to achieve the maximum photogenic moments. The pictures featured here are from Darbi’s wedding. The most important things to be aware of if you are trying to get the best photos is location, time of day (daylight) and who your hire as a photographer. You should budget to spend more than usual on photography and spend time in the beginning interviewing photographers telling them what you hope to capture and looking at their portfolio to see that they are able to take the kind of pictures you are hoping for. Also, it might be useful to plan in extra time on the day of the wedding to travel around for different picture-taking locations.

Photo taken from Wholly Matrimony, a Stacy Reeves Photography picture.

This photo was taken by Stacy Reeves Photography, based in Dallas, Texas. Lara Adkins also photographed this wedding. She can be found HERE. Her specialty is exclusive weddings, worldwide! You don’t have to be having a Texas wedding to have this excellent photographer.

Most photographers will tell you that time of day impacts photo quality a great deal. The best, most forgiving and gentle light is that of morning and late day. But, talk to your photographer to get their take on when it is best to take your pictures.

Chances are you are going to want many pictures of different combinations of family members, PLAN AHEAD! Make a list and talk with your photographer to find out how much time they think they will need. Also, ask all of those friends and family members to be dressed and ready for photos at a certain time. Ask one relative to be in charge to getting them all there and assisting the photographers in getting people ready for photos. With the excitement of the day, people will be busy talking and mingling and this little photo op session can go one way longer than necessary if someone isn’t helping to keep on track.

If you have already chosen a date for your wedding you know firsthand what a delicate little woven web it is to avoid offending people, trying to make people happy and manage to get married before the end of the decade. For all you recently engaged couples who are still “thinking it over” and “not yet settled on a date” … here are some tips, pitfalls to look out for and general complaints you can expect to hear.

The wedding over a holiday weekend debate meant that travel would be more expensive but people wouldn’t necessarily have to take as much time off from work. I thought I would feel guilty for taking someone’s intensely coveted three-day weekend. Although, in hindsight, I didn’t think much about it once the date was chosen and the invitations were in the mail. What seems huge today will be a faint memory tomorrow.

I got engaged in July, and I always knew I wanted a Fall wedding. That meant that we either had a wedding in December (yes, I know, not so much autumn anymore and also soon) … or we waited a year and a half.

I was not going to wait a year and a half.

Marc also said NO to December for that whole too soon reason. Men! If you can train for a marathon in four months; you can plan a wedding in four months.

When we finally decided where we wanted to get married, we just looked at the dates they had available and the openings began in early May. I did not want to get married on Mother’s Day or Memorial Day. May 20th was the earliest that our venue was available, so, that’s how we decided on our date.

I had friends beg me not to get married in December because they had another wedding to attend the week before, also in Florida and that would have been a lot of traveling for them.

My brother-in-law-to-be also asked me to move my wedding date, after I had put down a deposit, because his girlfriend’s sister was getting married the weekend before, and that’s just a lot of wedding-time for them. Sorry guys, you’ll get over it.

So much for my Fall wedding, or my December wedding.

We chose our date based on what was available at our venue. This was really just the beginning of the flexibility I would need to extend for wedding planning.

I’ve just started hearing about a few engagements that took place around Valentine’s Day. If you are one of those people, a sincere congratulations to you!

One couple in particular is getting married at the end of the summer. A wedding, in exactly six months. I can hear the style guides and high-glam planners cringing with absolute fright. But I assure you, it is possible to have the wedding you want in six months or less. All it takes is some careful planning in the beginning and some diligent team work. By team work I am absolutely implying that if you have a mother or mother-in-law who wants to man the controls, by all means, this is the time they are needed. You really do need someone working on plans more than just on weekends.

Many vendors book up months and even years in advance so it may not be possible to have your choice of vendors. You do compromise some degree of choosiness but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on quality. Employ your friends and family to help you, you will need it for making phone calls and lining up vendors.

I have also written a detailed beauty checklist to follow leading up to your wedding. Many of these activities can be abbreviated when time is limited.

Here is an abbreviated to do list in you are planning to get married in less than six months:

Immediately:
Decide on your budget, color/theme, and make a thorough list of all the things you wish to incorporate into the wedding, include EVERYTHING, even things like newspaper announcement or embossed personalized napkins because for one it will help you decide what is really important to you, it will force you to prioritize and most importantly, delegate and ask for help. With this short of a time frame, you have to ask others, unless of course you don’t work and can spend forty plus hours a week planning your own wedding, in which case, you shouldn’t be reading my website.

Questions to ask yourself:
1. Will you hire a coordinator?
2. Will you have a separate ceremony/reception site, or will it be the same location?
3. Start looking for a gown, most likely, unless you buy off the rack or at a close-out sale, it will take a few months for the dress to be made and be shipped to you.
4. Create your guest list because this will determine what kind of venue size you need.
5. Register for gifts.

Vendors:
1. Book an officiant, NOW.
2. DJ or Band? You have a much better bet finding a DJ on shorter notice.
3. Caterer.
4. Florist.
5. Photographer.
6. Do them all now. Make phone calls and your first question needs to be: ARE YOU AVAILABLE ON MY WEDDING DATE? If they are, then talk specifics and decide if you want them.

Other important things to do:
1. Order invitations.
2. Book a honeymoon.
3. Select a cake.
4. Shop for rings.

Okay! Phew! That’s the short list of what you need to think about and do RIGHT NOW if you are getting married this summer and haven’t done anything yet.

And don’t stress too much, remember, weddings are happy times and should be FUN.

Everyone wants to look their absolute best on their wedding day. Some careful planning can help you get yourself in top beauty-shape for your big day. I have never been so careful, thorough and devoted to a skin care regime than I was in the months preceding my wedding.

6-9 Months Before:

- Collect names for wedding day hair and make-up professionals
- Begin getting manicures twice a month and pedicures once a month. (This can wait until about two to three months prior if you are trying to save money)
- Arrange to have monthly haircuts, just trims to keep your hair looking fresh and free of split ends. If your hair tends to be dry, schedule monthly conditioning treatments as well.
- A massage never hurts to help you relax and focus on what matters.

4-6 Months Before:

- Schedule trials for your hair and makeup and plan to make a decision at about three or four months before the big day. You will want to plan a hair trial only about two months before the wedding when you know exactly what length your hair will be.
-If you were planning to hit the gym before the big day, start now. It can take about six weeks for weight loss and new muscle to really show. Exercise will also double as a stress-reliever.
- Schedule monthly appointments for eyebrow waxing to get your brows into shape and to allow for regrowth if you are reshaping them. Begin regular waxings now if you are planning to have a great bikini wax for the honeymoon.

2-4 Months Before:

- Visit your hairstylist for the trial run of your wedding hair. Bring a picture of your dress so the stylist can see the neckline. Bring your veil or headpiece too so the trail can be exactly as it will be for the wedding day.
- If you are interested in airbrush tanning, try it out now so you know what to expect.
- Continue getting as much rest as possible, drinking 6-8 glasses of water each day and moisturize your hands, face, legs and feet.

1 Month Before:

- Contact your wedding day hair and make-up people and confirm the date and time that they will arrive at the place you are getting ready. Make sure they have directions to the wedding venue too.
- If you are going to use an at-home tooth whitening kit, now is the time to start.
- Assemble a day-of-the-wedding beauty kit for yourself if you are getting ready away from home. It should include all sorts of potential last minute things you might need. Also, you can ask a bridesmaid or a close friend to help you put this together as well. Click here to see a picture of my emergency bridal kit and also some instructions about what to include.
- Consider making lists and beginning to get things organized for your honeymoon travel. Depending on how soon after the wedding you are leaving and what you packing style is, perhaps even get out a suitcase and just collect everything you will need to pack later on.

1-2 Weeks Before:

- Get one last hair trim.
- Schedule you final waxings; eyebrows, bikini and anything else you are having done.
- Take some time to relax … get a massage or a facial and make a point now of getting enough rest each night.

1 Day Before:

- Get your final manicure and pedicure.

Wedding Day!

- Wake up in plenty of time to get everything done without having to rush. Take a walk or get some light exercise, it will help with nerves.
- Drink water early in the morning, once your dress is on, you don’t want to have to visit the bathroom too many times.
- Have your hair and make-up done and have someone help you into your dress.
- Enjoy your wedding day because it is YOUR day and you have prepared better than anyone could have. (or, you know, as well as I did! … hehe)

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

A bride’s best friend can often times be her emergency bag on the day of the wedding.

The Bridal Kit is a key item to have on hand while you are getting ready and during the actual wedding. It’s always nice to put a basket of goodies in the women’s bathroom for all to access on the day of. These baskets usually contain hairspray, mints, lotion, bobby pins, clear nail polish (to repair a run in pantyhose), Vaseline to use as lip gloss, a comb and brush, girlie/feminine products (no explanation needed here) (my last and final two male readers just ran from their monitors screaming, too) and some Tylenol, stain remover, band-aids and Kleenex.

If you are getting ready at home you don’t really need all of these things in addition to your own products and supplies. It is a great necessity if you are dressing on-location at the country club, restuarant, or church. If a bridesmaid makes this basket for you, consider putting it the women’s restroom at your wedding venue for all to use. I have personally seen these things get a great deal of use.

How to Make a Bridal Emergency Kit:

This handy basket can be prepared for about thirty dollars if you are frugal and patient enough to find the supplies. Start at a dollar store and get a basket or pretty make-up bag. Check Bargain Styling for frequent postings about sales too. Buy any small sizes of the items listed above. Next, visit a Target or drugstore and take advantage of the aisle of travel-sized necessities. These are perfect for this use and each item is normally about $.50 - $1.

And, add a package of crackers or a bag of pretzels, sometimes you forget to eat or get busy and miss a meal. When you are about to walk the aisle as a bride, bridesmaid or even if you are just a guest and are helping out, this is SO NOT THE TIME to feel queasy and lightheaded from low-blood sugar.

Pack the bag full and add a little note and present this to the bride-to-be.

She’ll be thrilled to have one more thing LESS to do and it’ll keep all the lady guests happy.

bridal kit, emergency kit, supplies, bridesmaid, gift, snacks, personal items, wedding day

This is NOT me and NOT my dress. But, you know, it could be this bad

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding on October 14th. Four weeks from today, exactly.

I am 25 weeks pregnant and will be 30 weeks pregnant at that wedding.

For those of ya’ll who don’t know, that’s grossly and obscenely pregnant. Most pregnancies are about 40 weeks long but 37 weeks is totally full term and ready to pop.

I’m wearing a real dress too. Or at least, that is the plan. I will definitely post pictures and explain in detail what my seamstress did once I get my dress back. I can’t get my final alterations until just at the last minute, for obvious reasons.

But, the bride is being very considerate and giving me a chair to sit in during the ceremony. I should only have to wear my heels for pictures and for walking down the aisle.

I am a little uneasy about posing for photos with three other women who are a combined total of a size ten. I mean, they are size 0, 4, and 6 respectively and I will be a shadow-casting whale in my pregnant glory. Oy.

It is very much possible to incorporate pregnant friends into a wedding. Try to be as understanding as possible, especially if you haven’t experienced pregnancy yourself. You have no idea how much her back is hurting or how swollen her feet really are. Offer to have chairs nearby and if all of that is too much for you to worry about, have a heart to heart conversation about with your bridesmaid about how she feels about possibly NOT being in the wedding party but rather just helping out in different ways. You might be very surprised at how happy she is to relinquish her duties.

pregnancy, pregnant, bridesmaid, dress, wedding

I just read a great article online about how to be a good wedding guest.
Unfortunately there are many people out there who have missed this article and will never read it.

Just in case, I will summarize in my own words what makes a good wedding guest.

This entry will also allow me to whine about one of my wedding guests in particular who did not send back the reply card, but when we called them, told us they were coming, but then called back to tell us they were having “the chicken”. They also didn’t give us a gift. Not that gifts are the end all - be all. But! They demonstrated very little tact and gentility toward our wedding. The most shocking thing and what made this so unexpected is that they should have understood the issues of replying on time, because they are getting married THIS month. Therefore, I chalk it up to careless rude behavior.

I know, I am a tab bit hard to please and my standards are sky high, but, whatever, I’m married now, so it doesn’t matter, right?

Anyway, to be a good guest, you just need to express some thanks for being invited and some mindfulness on replying on time. A good guest is not defined by one who gives a lot of money or lavish gifts. Quite the opposite! Just be grateful the couple chose to involve you in their most important day.

So, Congratulations! You’ve been invited to a wedding. Read the invitation and reply card carefully. Make a note of who is invited; you and a guest, you and a spouse, you and your family with kids. Chances are the engaged couple has thought very long and hard about your and guest or and family situation. Don’t ask to bring people who are not invited. I don’t particularly like any of the exceptions to this rule, however, if the engaged couple hasn’t seen you in a few months and there is someone new in your life who is quite important (defining this role is a slippery slope, however), call the couple and tell them you are dating someone very special and if they have room you would love to bring them, but you fully understand if they are faced with limited seating. If you are told you may bring a guest, by all means, be sure to bring someone, as they will have paid for another plate.

One more rule of being a good guest: ARRIVE ON TIME. In fact, arrive early. Weddings start at the time listed on the invitation. Consider the time it takes to part and walk to the venue and be seated. Plan to arrive 15-30 minutes prior to the ceremony.

Another guest of mine, who lived in the Country Club development where I was getting married arrived five minutes late and walked down the aisle after my family and just before me! I was NOT pleased.

Wedding are expensive. The couple chose to include you in something very special to them. Give a gift, within your means of course and have a good time!

being a good wedding guest, guest etiquette, wedding etiquette, arrive on time to the ceremony

I have spent years being a massive control freak and not allowing others to help me.

Somehow on the morning of May 20th I was as calm and cool as the salami in the refrigerator. I woke up earlier than I had originally planned and my first thought was that I wished my rehearsal dinner had gone longer because I didn’t get to talk to everyone. Then I remembered that holyshitohmygod, today is my wedding day today is all about me and this is my day and ohmygod I’m getting married in eight hours.

In a more perfect world I would have slept until about 10:30 in the morning, had a leisurely breakfast while watching television, my choice of TiVo’d shows, of course, followed by a shower and then a seat in the hair-makeup chair at 12:30 and a quick slipping into my dress at 2pm for my initial photo shoot with Marc at 2:30.

It didn’t go that way.

My two friends were to arrive at 9:15 for their hair styling, followed by my sister in law at 11am and my mother in law at noon. I would be last, as I was, most important and needed to be the “freshest�.

I woke up at 8am.

I had breakfast. Toast, orange juice and a scrambled egg. I had nothing to read and the house with my in-laws and sister-in-law-type (they aren’t married, but I like her) had an eerie buzzing of energy, sort of like the humming of a mosquito near your ear, but it was also mostly relaxed.

My friends showed up on time.

My hair stylist arrived promptly at 9:20am to begin a style at 9:30am.

I had nothing to do but wait.

And be nervously nauseated.

I took a nap. And then waited some more. The waiting was the hard part, can ‘ya tell?

Finally, I took a shower and made my way to the hair and make-up chair. Before I knew it I was putting on my third coating of deodorant, slipping into my dress, holding my bouquet and hugging my parents while I waited to see Marc for the fist time.

The point of this long assvicey entry is that your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. You have to make it what you want it to be, and you can. You don’t have to have a wedding like your friend or like you think your Mom wants to see. Let me explain, if you need calm and quiet, demand that. Be sure to surround yourself with people who will support you in the way you need at that time. If you function better with seven bridesmaids and two mothers bouncing around the room, by all means, invite them ALL in. Make the day, especially the time before the ball really starts rolling, what you need it to be. It’s okay to be a little demanding, most likely people will just think you know what you want.

The day is yours and it will be as great as you make it.

And remember, this? Happens very fast. Try to remember as much as possible.

And also breathe.