Wedding Tactics

Dear Stacy, My fiancée and I have decided on a destination wedding in Florida, where his family lives. We like the area because it just so relaxing and beautiful. We live in Washington, DC. How and where do I start my planning? I have gone to some recent local Bridal Expos with other girlfriends, but most of those vendors only offer local services. Help!

Ah, the destination wedding.

I am having one myself so have no fear my darling, it totally can be done.

Now, sit back and consider what you want. Do you want a church or synagogue wedding with a country club reception? Do you want it all in a hotel ball room, on the beach? Have an idea of what you want and a definite budget range before you begin. It is so easy to be talked into more and more grandiose ideas by vendors and family members you really need to be able to say, “No, I’m sorry, that isn’t in our budget, what can we do with those same colors in a smaller arrangement?”

First, start with the trusty ole Internet. Do a Google search for your city or state. For example:
1. Sarasota Weddings
2. Destination Wedding Planning Guide
3. Destination Wedding Jamaica

You get the idea?

You will find some vendors that way, and often times, a popular wedding locale will have its own wedding website. Be careful, a listing on a website does not a good vendor make. If you have family in the area, get them talking! Have them talk to coworkers, neighbors and friends about vendors they have used for weddings and other affairs. Get recommendations. Check references.

It is best to plan at least two trips to the destination prior to the wedding. It is suggested that you book vendors about six to nine months out. However, if you having a wedding in four months, you can still get vendors! Maybe not your top choice, but you can still totally find people; it will just take more leg work.

Make phone calls! Call vendors and talk to them, find out if they have your date available first. You will soon learn that some vendors take the extra minute and go the extra mile because some will bash other vendor styles while some will tell you everything you want to know before you ask.

I spoke with one photographer who told me that digital photography is horrible and he only shoots film and he takes about 300 shots at a typical wedding. Well? My photographers (who are awesome!!!) AJ Mills Photography shoot digital and are able to give me 1200 shots from the day. Hum … I wonder what I’m going with. Be cautious and make time to just absorb all the information they give you.

Plan you trip. Arrange a long weekend to your destination area and make appointments back to back, but leave about 3 hours in between each appointment. You’ll soon see that you can really only do about 4 in one day, so you will need a few days. Decide on your vendors and give them deposits to hold the date. A lot of the following decisions can be made from home and discussed over the phone and email. You have nine months to choose which photography package you want. Don’t stress. About two months prior to the wedding you want to have it all settled. (Which, by the way, is what I am doing this weekend, in an hour I’m meeting my florist to pick ALL the florals)

To maximize your time in vendor meetings, print pictures, have ideas and learn about the options before you get to the meeting, this will allow for time to talk and negotiate price not just get the basic information.

Vendors in destination areas are used to out of town brides. Get familiar with them, be friendly and choose vendors you KNOW that YOU can work with. Be picky. This is YOUR wedding. You have a right to have what you want and be within YOUR budget.

Good Luck!

Dear Stacy,

Samia

Absolutely!
I am a total believer in anything that is a little different from the norm. If your venue is gorgeous in itself or you want a really simplistic look, scaling down the decorations is totally okay. It is also a great way to save some money that be spent in other ways. If you want a small touch of color or decoration, consider, bows on the ends of the pews or the last chair in the row, or a large glass vase of long stemmed calla lilies at the entrance to the hall or sanctuary.

Dear Stacy,

Lauren

Um. Holy Bazola! Sweetie? Are you living in the 1940s??? or rather, the 1840s???

In a word? NO. You should absolutely wear white on your wedding day if that is what you wish to do. Historically, white was a color that represented purity and virginity. Many women who haven’t been virgins since Bill Clinton called Monica “that woman� get married in white gowns. Tell your grandmother that you respect her traditional beliefs but you want to wear white and you don’t believe you are living in sin. Perhaps explain to her why you think your marriage will be more wholesome and well rounded now that you have lived together and worked out the kinks of cohabitating. Or, don’t bother. Just tell her it is your choice and you are comfortable with it. Now, go buy a white dress and live it up! And remember, white is easy to get stained, but really … you won’t have to wear it again!

Dear Stacy,

Hannah

Dear Hannah,

First off, congratulations on your fabulous weight loss.

You didn’t tell me how many calories you are consuming and what your diet consists of. If you are not eating 1200 calories a day, you need to try and increase to at least a minimum of 1200. That should help you stabilize. Continue your workouts by doing 30-60 minutes of cardio exercise at least three days a week and add in some weight training which will help you tone your body and look extra lean and fit, as well as help your body be stronger and more healthy. If you are unsure of what to do, get a pair of dumbbells and do bicep curls, also try push-ups and crunches if you don’t have access to a gym. If you do have access to a gym, ask if someone can show you some lifts to tone certain body parts. Many gyms offer a one-time free training session, or they offer a package of several training sessions for a small fee. It really is worth the time and money to learn a few new moves.

As far as eating goes, if you keep losing weight and are not sure what you can eat, try meeting with a nutritionist to get some meal ideas that are balanced and healthy and within your caloric needs range.

Desserts! I’m glad you are eating and watching what you eat! One favorite of many brides and dieters the world over is fat-free, sugar-free Jello (10 calories) with fat-free cool-whip on top. Another option in the freezer section is the brand Skinny Cow; they make excellent ice cream sandwiches. Also, to get some extra fiber and vitamins, fresh cut up strawberries with splenda on top, totally delicious! And, last but not least, Nabisco sells boxes of little 100-calorie packages of snacks including, peanut butter sandwich cookies, oreo and chips ahoy crisps. They are all very good and ONLY 100 calories per bag.

Dear Stacy,

Amy

Dear Amy,

The procession is a big deal and one that many brides fret over for hours at a time, month in advance of the wedding. I, too, am concerned about my procession. While I have a few ideas in my head, I’ve reminded myself that the final decision doesn’t need to be made until pretty much the time of the rehearsal, the day before the wedding.

I digress, back to your procession. It sounds like there are some special people in your fiancées life whom he would like to honor at his wedding. It is understandable that you want your procession to be simple and equal and precise. However, if you give it some thought, do you have a grandparent, great aunt, or even just a special person whom you would like to have walk the aisle? Perhaps they can walk together as “honored relatives�.

Processions these days really don’t need to be equal in the number of people who walk or stand up for each the bride and groom. It is about celebrating your love with those who love and care for you. If it is really important to your fiancée, perhaps you can find a way to honor them so he feels that his side of the family is equally validated.

Traditions Thursday will run tomorrow.
Meanwhile, here is a new feature that will most likely run each Friday, starting next week.

I’ve recently received some emails from trusty readers who have asked some questions. I’ve decided to publish these because they are very useful and the information is valid for all of us.
Please continue to submit questions by clicking on “Contact Me” in the About section.

Dear Stacy,

Kelly
Dear Kelly,

Your frustrations are well understood.

The purpose of a wedding registry used to be so that the newlywed couple would get household goods. In the “olden� days of our parents and grandparents, people got married in their early twenties and had not lived alone at all and therefore, had never owned a cookie sheet or sauce pan or a le cruset stock pot. Over the past few generations it is more common to see couples getting married later in life and after having lived alone. Thus, many couples getting married today are faced with combining two kitchens worth of goods before they even consider registering. This makes creating a registry far more difficult.

Stores will advise you to register for 2-3 items per invited guest. This allows guests a wide variety of gifts and price ranges to choose from. However, if you have a guest list of 200 and your parents have friends who are giving gifts, your registry gets quickly bought up. Which isn’t all a bad thing! Traditionally, a registry exists so that couples can choose patterns and colors of linens and housewares.

Giving a gift is something that is done out of the kindness of one’s heart. It seriously irks me that people actually attempt to apply a formula to how much one should spend on a gift. I have heard and I DO NOT abide by this rule that a guest should “guess� the amount spent on them to attend and spend that much on a gift. Now, if your funds are limitless, go right ahead and get me a $250 gift. Otherwise, GOD, please be reasonable.

If you are invited to a wedding and cannot attend, it is a courtesy to send a gift. Not required, and by most, not even considered rude. You should always only give within your means. If you are on a tighter budget, give some linens, kitchen gadgets or tools, or a gift card. This is why couples should create a registry with different budget levels in mind. It will help your guests and it will allow for you to get a wide variety of goodies.

Going off the registry is not considered poor etiquette! Perhaps a store isn’t located conveniently to you, or you can’t find something in your price range, or for whatever reason you have. By all means, if it means you will give a gift, them you should get whatever you feel is appropriate. I was saying that nowadays registries tend to fill up with extra kitchen goodies, higher grade linens and decorative items like lamps and artwork, candles and furniture because couples already have some of the basic items.

When shopping off of the registry, first, choose your budget range. Shop within that range and don’t question your generosity. A gift is a gift! A good department store will have a wide variety of household goods to choose from. Consider a glass or crystal vase. This Kate Spade glassware that retails at a department store for up to $150 was $40 last week at TJ Maxx. (now I’m hitting myself for not buying it) Look for bargains and sales and consider shopping at a Crate and Barrel or Williams Sonoma outlet where you can get name brand things for slightly less than name brand prices.

Also consider the couple’s favorite activites; do they enjoy music and theater? Perhaps some tickets to an upcoming show, gift cards for stores they may need, or if you know what colors they like, even some serving dishes. I swear you can never have enough serving dishes! Artful serving pieces can also double as display pieces. Be creative and be thoughtful.

It is also courteous to include a gift receipt in case the couple wishes to exchange the gift for something for suitable to them.

Dear Stacy,

I’m just starting my search for reception locations and have scheduled a couple appointments for later this week. I’m having trouble coming up with questions for the event manager besides fee schedule, parking, and any restrictions. I’m just curious what kind of questions I need to ask to get an understanding of their venue before making my decision. Thanks!Tia

Dear Tia,

You are well prepared to go in with questions! You’ve been doing some homework, so, good for you.

First of all, you want to know how many people the venue can hold, what their basic charges are as well as what the tax and gratituities are, as they can add up to be in the thousands. Ask if they allow outside caterers or if you have to use your own. If you do use an outside caterer, will you be using the venue’s staff for serving, if so, what is that charge?

You will want to know how early in the day you, your florist and wedding party can access the site for decorating, dressing and photography. Will there be a room for you to dress in? Have you seen it? If the venue is outside, what are their indoor options and what will it cost to change at the last minute?

Find out if the banquets and catering manager will be on site all day to assist you and your vendors, or do you need to hire a wedding-day consultant or friend to keep track of time and vendors for you? What size and shape are the tables? Do they provide linens and chairs? Set-up? What’s the charge? If your reception goes over, how late will they allow you keep partying? Is there an hourly or flat fee? If the venue is an older building, be sure that your DJ or band will have ample power and electrical outlets.

Get a contact name and phone number, collect as many pieces of information that you can on paper. If you really want to have your wedding at a certain place, you may have to be a little flexible with them on prices, dates and time.

Be firm, communicate what you want. This is YOUR wedding and you are giving them business. You have a right to be happy and have what you want. Be reasonable and ask if things are negotiable.

Some extra charges to look out for are cake-cutting fees? Or do they include that? Your caterer might be willing to do the cake cutting at no charge. Ask! Don’t wait until the wedding day or bill paying day to find out all these little details. A good and reputable venue will tell you all these things upfront. They will have nothing to hide. If you aren’t comfortable or are suspicious of someone’s business practices, leave. It’s not worth the risk.

After talking with the banquets and catering manager, they should prepare for you a banquet order reflecting all the options you spoke about and what the prices are for their services.

Follow-up, book early, and don’t forget about deposits and due dates.

Good Luck!

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