Wedding Tactics

I have written this article several times before but I love this concept, so I revised a few of the issues and here it is again folks. Be a good guest. It matters. And if you have a bad guest, email me (thestacy@gmail.com) and tell me all about it and print out this here GEM of an article, if I do say so myself and mail it to them.

Unfortunately there are many people out there who have missed this article and will never read it so I’ve decided to summarize a few general concepts and hope that this web-page finds ALL OF YOUR guests, you know, just in case.

First: Send back the damn reply card. On time. Don’t ADD to the choices for food options. Be gracious and choose one. If you have an allergy or a special medical need, bring your own food or if you know the family well enough, contact someone other than the bride or groom, possibly a mother, sister or close friend of the couple and ask them if an alternative is available.

I know, I am a tab bit hard to please and my standards are sky high, but, whatever, I’m married now, so it doesn’t matter, right?

Anyway, to be a good guest, you just need to express some thanks for being invited and some mindfulness on replying on time. A good guest is not defined by one who gives a lot of money or lavish gifts. Quite the opposite! Just be grateful the couple chose to involve you in their most important day.

Congratulations! You’ve been invited to a wedding. Read the invitation and reply card carefully. Make a note of who is invited; you and a guest, you and a spouse, you and your family with kids. Chances are the engaged couple has thought very long and hard about your and guest or and family situation. Don’t ask to bring people who are not invited. I don’t particularly like any of the exceptions to this rule, however, if the engaged couple hasn’t seen you in a few months and there is someone new in your life who is quite important (defining this role is a slippery slope, however), call the couple and tell them you are dating someone very special and if they have room you would love to bring them, but you fully understand if they are faced with limited seating. If you are told you may bring a guest, by all means, be sure to bring someone, as they will have paid for another plate.

One more rule of being a good guest: ARRIVE ON TIME. In fact, arrive early. Weddings start at the time listed on the invitation. Consider the time it takes to part and walk to the venue and be seated. Plan to arrive 15-30 minutes prior to the ceremony.

Weddings are expensive. The couple chose to include you in something very special to them. Give a gift, within your means of course, and have a good time!

We all know the importance of thank you notes just as well as we all know the burden that is a stack of fifty blank thank you notes all needing to be personalized, addressed and sent out. It is tedious. But there is no way around it. It really is necessary.

One way to make a dent in your thank you note to-do list is to space out the notes, write a few a day, work on them during your lunch break, during your commute if you take public transit, and making a plan to write three each night after dinner. Another idea I heard on TV this morning is to pick up post cards on your honeymoon and use those as thank you notes. While you do lose a little formality in using a postcard, your guests will know you were thinking of them by taking the time on your honeymoon to get postcards. There is a high level of personalization and it can help make a dent in that looming list of people to be thanked. This idea is especially GREAT for people who gave you gifts to use on the honeymoon or gave monetary gifts.

Emily Post’s rules of etiquette say that a thank you note should be sent within three months of when you receive the gift. It was once said that you had one year to send a gift and one year to send a thank you but that is a wee bit long. Thank you notes should be sent as soon as possible after you receive a gift.

It is important to personalize a thank you card just slightly, be brief and thankful. Click here for some ideas to get you started.

I recently met a new mother through a good friend of mine and we exchanged contact information. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had given me her maiden name, not her married name. I am told she plans to change her name any day now. Thing is? She’s been married for over two years now.

When I got married I changed my last name the first full day I was home from the honeymoon.

So did two friends of mine. We all married under the age of thirty, some of us closer to it than others. And neither of us had made a seriously substantial name for ourselves in our respective careers.

Of course, there are some other things that change after you get married. To read more about what you might want to consider, dread or even look forward to, click here.

So what’s the deal these days on changing your name? Keeping your last name? Or, the ultimate, taking on a new name without letting go of the old one.

Regardless of the reasons for changing your name, it is best to start with the Social Security Administration.

For some, its a matter of letting go of the past and all that is attached to a name. It can also be a chance to become someone else, a new you perhaps, or it can just signify that your new roles, wife, spouse, perhaps even mother?

Some people want a name that is easier to spell, easier to pronounce, or one less or even more conspicuous, hinting towards an ethnic background or religious affiliation. And for some it is just a question of tradition, establishing yourself in your newly created family.

I’m curious, did you change your name after you got married? If so, how soon did you make the change?

Merry Christmas to anyone reading this right now, btw.

Ahem. PLEASE hear this… this entry is dedicated to the art of a well written Thank-You note.

I have spent the last 24 hours entertaining my in-laws to be and I’m loving it. However, at this time of year, regardless of your religion or lack thereof … it is a good time to remember what you have to be thankful for, and also, to send a quick note to those who make you even more thankful. Or even if you aren’t thankful for them, send them a thank you note for any gifts they give you.

Throughout the entire wedding-planning process, you will be meeting vendors, friends, clergy, and all sorts of people who are giving you gifts and assistance. Sending follow-up information helps you stand out, helps them remember you, and also makes your experience of working with them a little more personal.

Thanking them properly can go a long way.

I’m not an etiquette expert, although, for the sake of this site, I have Emily Post’s book on order, so I can properly answer any questions directed my way. I digress….

So, this is not an exact science, and I also believe that anything you write should come from your heart, not a script. Hell, you’ve read my blogs … I follow no script.

The basics for a good Thank-You Note:

1. Say THANK YOU and name the item.
2. Briefly explain your plans for using it or what it will mean to you.
3. Wrap it up and sign it sweetly.
4. Send thank you notes as soon as you get a gift!!!*
5. “Etiquette” says you have like 2 months after a wedding to send thank you notes, but you’ll start getting gifts a few months before the wedding, so keep a record and send the darn note, ASAP.

*I actually took a small little spiral notebook and dedicated it the GIFT LOG. I attempt to record all gifts we get and send a note sometime within the next week. Soon can mean within the month.

Some examples:

1. Good Note, sort of formal:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Redman,
Thank you so much for the gorgeous vase! I can’t wait to put my freshly grown tulips in it this spring. Also, thank you for traveling so far to join us for our wedding. Your generosity is much appreciated. Have a happy and healthy new year!

Warmly,
Stacy & Marc

2. Good Note but more casual:
Dear Adam and Tali,
Thank you for the great housewarming gift! I never would have been as creative as you and had our engagement photo put onto coffee mugs. We love them – and so does our family. In fact, they’ve been here all weekend and they keep using my coffee cup! It was really sweet of you to be so thoughtful and imaginative. See you at New Years!

Love,
Stacy & Marc

3. BAD NOTE: (too simple and not personal)

Dear Uncle Sherman,
Thank you for the present.
Thanks for coming to the wedding.
Love,
Stacy and Marc

The moral: Send Thank You notes promptly and be a little personal about it.