Wedding Tactics

Dear Stacy: I am marrying a man with two children, ages 7 and 10. This is my first marriage, his second. It is important to us that they be a part of our wedding day and to keep them entertained, I thought they could each invite a friend to the reception. However, we want an adult party. My fiance thinks that people will be offended that they couldn’t bring their own children, but that we still had 4 kids running around the party. How can we handle this situation?

This is a touchy subject no matter what you choose because you will either end up with people disgruntled at your decision or a wedding that isn’t exactly what you want it to be. This is one of a handful of wedding issues where the debate is unfortunately unending.

First off, and it sounds like you have already done this, be sure that you and your partner agree on what you want for the wedding, that way, even if relatives and friends are upset, you have presented a united front and your families can’t blame each other.

Your finance does make a good point. It isn’t really, oh… I hate when I say these things, but it isn’t really “right” to have your kids there and not invite other kids. BUT! It’s your wedding, you are allowed to do whatever you want and people just have to accept that. (SIDE NOTE: I have friends getting married next year, the child issue is still being debated, they are much closer to my husband than to me. If they don’t allow kids, I will just stay home with Noah. You couldn’t pay me to camp out all weekend in a hotel in Random-Ass, New Jersey with a 16 month old and not even get the open bar benefit.) So, that said, some people may just decide not to attend. Can you accept that?

I would actually sort of recommend not letting the kids have a friend there. You said he has two kids, they can entertain each other, and more so, there will be a lot of family members there excited to see them and that might provide entertainment enough.

If you are at all on the fence, consider inviting kids and hiring a sitter to watch kids in an upstairs hotel room or at a local off-site home. Or, invite kids and then ask that they leave by 10pm so that there are a few adult-only hours for some good partying.

I respect your wishes and applaud you for tackling this issue head-on. The notion that you suggest isn’t really correct or acceptable by “etiquette” standards. If you can live with going wildly against Miss Manners, then by all means, go right ahead. I urge you to consider a few alternatives and specifically the idea that your kids may not need their own friends for entertainment.

One of the tools I found most useful in planning my own wedding day and in helping a friend with her wedding was to have a time-line of all the chores and tasks and appointments written out with expected time needs. This really helped us plan ahead of time for when we would need to wake up, eat, have the grandparents arrive, etc.

Consider the following activities and how much time they usually take:

2-3 hours: ‘Maids and ‘Moms getting hair and makeup done
1.5 hours: girls putting on dresses/finishing touches (guys getting ready during this time)
35 minutes: group girl pictures
35 minutes: group guy pictures
35-60 minutes: any other shots that would be easier to take before the ceremony
15-20 minutes: all bridal party members should have this time to relax, get a glass of water, touch up make-up, get flowers and corsages pinned on, while ceremony guests arrive and find seats
30 minutes-1 hour: Ceremony
45 minutes: receiving line (although these are not too common anymore)
30-45 minutes: formal pictures with family at the altar/chuppah, this is usually during the cocktail hour
1-1.5 hours: wedding party pics and bride & Groom shots. (if you choose a location that is close to the reception or the ceremony site, that works perfectly!!!) If this is done before the ceremony you will miss a lot less of your reception. I recommend doing it before the ceremony.

Be sure to eat something light and healthy on the morning of the wedding. Also, drink water, enough to avoid feeling dehydrated but not so much that you have to use a bathroom too frequently. Getting that dress on once is hard enough! If you do need a pee-break, ask a gal-pal to help you get your dress up and then down again. Even for the most modest of brides, this is one area where help is really needed.

If you have already chosen a date for your wedding you know firsthand what a delicate little woven web it is to avoid offending people, trying to make people happy and manage to get married before the end of the decade. For all you recently engaged couples who are still “thinking it over” and “not yet settled on a date” … here are some tips, pitfalls to look out for and general complaints you can expect to hear.

The wedding over a holiday weekend debate meant that travel would be more expensive but people wouldn’t necessarily have to take as much time off from work. I thought I would feel guilty for taking someone’s intensely coveted three-day weekend. Although, in hindsight, I didn’t think much about it once the date was chosen and the invitations were in the mail. What seems huge today will be a faint memory tomorrow.

I got engaged in July, and I always knew I wanted a Fall wedding. That meant that we either had a wedding in December (yes, I know, not so much autumn anymore and also soon) … or we waited a year and a half.

I was not going to wait a year and a half.

Marc also said NO to December for that whole too soon reason. Men! If you can train for a marathon in four months; you can plan a wedding in four months.

When we finally decided where we wanted to get married, we just looked at the dates they had available and the openings began in early May. I did not want to get married on Mother’s Day or Memorial Day. May 20th was the earliest that our venue was available, so, that’s how we decided on our date.

I had friends beg me not to get married in December because they had another wedding to attend the week before, also in Florida and that would have been a lot of traveling for them.

My brother-in-law-to-be also asked me to move my wedding date, after I had put down a deposit, because his girlfriend’s sister was getting married the weekend before, and that’s just a lot of wedding-time for them. Sorry guys, you’ll get over it.

So much for my Fall wedding, or my December wedding.

We chose our date based on what was available at our venue. This was really just the beginning of the flexibility I would need to extend for wedding planning.

A little over a year ago I wrote this post and it really sums up why it is important to get your plans locked in place and then just enjoy yourself. I really need to spend today with my son, relaxing and recovering from a long weekend of my in-laws visiting. I hope this post finds you well.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: March 28. 2007

I’m getting married in 52 days.

And, yes, I’m totally excited and YES! totally stressed.

What about? You ask.

Everything. I’m worried about leaving my pets with a pet-sitter for two and a half weeks. I can’t decide between having my mail held and having my pet-sitter/house-sitter pick up my mail. I am concerned that I will forget to bring my garter (which is SO cool by the way, of course, pictures AFTER the wedding) with me to Florida. Just this past weekend someone started talking about the rain/inclimate weather alternatives … and after I stopped hyperventilating and sweating I calmly retorted, “Fine. I agree. Have a plan. Don’t tell me what it is or anything about it. If you have to move things because of rain, that’s fine. I don’t want to know until the day of the wedding, because then I won’t care, I’ll just want to be married.”

The being calm? Felt great.
The not caring? Even more great.

It’s a real toss up between freaking-out and not caring but I figure it will all work out in the end.

After the flowers have been chosen and the food options tasted, the dress altered and the tuxedo rentals secured, the plane tickets purchased and the hotel blocks reserved, the ketubah waiting for me in Sarasota and the kippots ordered there is a definite release of stress as you cross these items off of your MUST-DO list. However, you might remember that you still haven’t had a second meeting with the Rabbi, and you still need to arrange for your parents flights to the wedding destination and you want to lose five more pounds and avoid a stress-related break-out, you start to feel that rapid-heartbeat Oh-Shit feeling returning to your every waking step.

Getting married is a huge, life-changing event. Even if you have lived with your partner, there are new levels of shared property and space. At this point, I am really excited. I do waiver between being stressed and being blasé about the details. I think that is normal.

Slowly you become closer to your partner. Slowly the families accept your wedding choices. As the entire event starts to come together, you might even find yourself sitting back and smiling. At least until a distant relative who calls you and wants to know if they can bring their children and babies to the wedding and if the food is kosher and the fish wild-caught.

See? I can still laugh and drive at the same time. In fact, I was on the way to my hair and make-up trial when this was taken. And, I had just saved $500 on my florals. Total score!

wedding stress, bride, ketubah, kippot, pet-sitter, wedding, wedding tactics

I have written this article several times before but I love this concept, so I revised a few of the issues and here it is again folks. Be a good guest. It matters. And if you have a bad guest, email me (thestacy@gmail.com) and tell me all about it and print out this here GEM of an article, if I do say so myself and mail it to them.

Unfortunately there are many people out there who have missed this article and will never read it so I’ve decided to summarize a few general concepts and hope that this web-page finds ALL OF YOUR guests, you know, just in case.

First: Send back the damn reply card. On time. Don’t ADD to the choices for food options. Be gracious and choose one. If you have an allergy or a special medical need, bring your own food or if you know the family well enough, contact someone other than the bride or groom, possibly a mother, sister or close friend of the couple and ask them if an alternative is available.

I know, I am a tab bit hard to please and my standards are sky high, but, whatever, I’m married now, so it doesn’t matter, right?

Anyway, to be a good guest, you just need to express some thanks for being invited and some mindfulness on replying on time. A good guest is not defined by one who gives a lot of money or lavish gifts. Quite the opposite! Just be grateful the couple chose to involve you in their most important day.

Congratulations! You’ve been invited to a wedding. Read the invitation and reply card carefully. Make a note of who is invited; you and a guest, you and a spouse, you and your family with kids. Chances are the engaged couple has thought very long and hard about your and guest or and family situation. Don’t ask to bring people who are not invited. I don’t particularly like any of the exceptions to this rule, however, if the engaged couple hasn’t seen you in a few months and there is someone new in your life who is quite important (defining this role is a slippery slope, however), call the couple and tell them you are dating someone very special and if they have room you would love to bring them, but you fully understand if they are faced with limited seating. If you are told you may bring a guest, by all means, be sure to bring someone, as they will have paid for another plate.

One more rule of being a good guest: ARRIVE ON TIME. In fact, arrive early. Weddings start at the time listed on the invitation. Consider the time it takes to part and walk to the venue and be seated. Plan to arrive 15-30 minutes prior to the ceremony.

Weddings are expensive. The couple chose to include you in something very special to them. Give a gift, within your means of course, and have a good time!

Dear Stacy:
I hastily asked a friend to be my best man when I should have asked my brother. What sort of damage control do I need to do to un-ask my friend and what sort of role can I ask him to play instead of best man?

Yes yes. These unfortunate moments do happen: you are out with a friend, a ballgame or a bar and in the celebration of the moment you somehow ask him to be your best man. You aren’t the first person to make this decision so hastily. And now you remember DOH! your brother is your sort-of-required best man. How to tell your friend you made a mistake? Is there any amount of damage control that can make up for this grievous momentary lapse in judgment?

You should approach the situation with sincere concern and apology. Think about how you would feel if this was you in your buddy’s position. Start by telling your friend that you really want him involved in your special day but that you remembered after the fact
that you really need to have your brother as your best man but that he can be your head groomsman and you’ll be sure to give him some special tasks if he wants. Explain that the title is just a title and you hope he can be your lead man in terms of the good bachelor party fun you’ll be having.

The bottom line is that accidents happen and weddings bring out the best and worst of people. Explaining your Oops moment as just a momentary lapse in the midst of the wedding whirlwind should be enough for any understanding friend.

Be sure to include your friend a little more than you would normally just to be sure all feelings are well healed.

This is NOT me and NOT my dress. But, you know, it could be this bad

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding on October 14th. Four weeks from today, exactly.

I am 25 weeks pregnant and will be 30 weeks pregnant at that wedding.

For those of ya’ll who don’t know, that’s grossly and obscenely pregnant. Most pregnancies are about 40 weeks long but 37 weeks is totally full term and ready to pop.

I’m wearing a real dress too. Or at least, that is the plan. I will definitely post pictures and explain in detail what my seamstress did once I get my dress back. I can’t get my final alterations until just at the last minute, for obvious reasons.

But, the bride is being very considerate and giving me a chair to sit in during the ceremony. I should only have to wear my heels for pictures and for walking down the aisle.

I am a little uneasy about posing for photos with three other women who are a combined total of a size ten. I mean, they are size 0, 4, and 6 respectively and I will be a shadow-casting whale in my pregnant glory. Oy.

It is very much possible to incorporate pregnant friends into a wedding. Try to be as understanding as possible, especially if you haven’t experienced pregnancy yourself. You have no idea how much her back is hurting or how swollen her feet really are. Offer to have chairs nearby and if all of that is too much for you to worry about, have a heart to heart conversation about with your bridesmaid about how she feels about possibly NOT being in the wedding party but rather just helping out in different ways. You might be very surprised at how happy she is to relinquish her duties.

pregnancy, pregnant, bridesmaid, dress, wedding

Nobody wants to hear or think “Ooops!” on their wedding day, but of course, things happen.

Bad weather. Vendors get stuck in traffic; mix up an order, or worse. Relatives show up late for pictures or an older Aunt is far less mobile than before and she needs assistance getting around the wedding site.

If you think ahead about a few of these issues you can head off the “Ooops” before it happens.

If your wedding is small and you know all your guests this is simple enough to do on your own, if your wedding is over one hundred guests, employee a family member or close friend who knows the guest list to help you consider some of the following.

1. If you have older Grandparents, are they able to walk around and be in the spot you want them to for pictures? If not, choose an alternate site to have pictures with them. Consider allowing them to sit down in the reception area during the cocktail hour so that they can enjoy the party but not have to stand for too long.

2. Supply a bridesmaid or groomsman or relative with a list of the vendors and their contact information in case the cake is late or the DJ isn’t on time, you’ll have someone looking out for these things before the moment the party begins and they can make necessary calls while you are getting ready or having pictures done and it won’t hinder the flow of the main event.

3. Weather. Everyone tells you it is good luck to have rain on your wedding day. Luckily, I did not get to test this theory; however, it is always good to have a back-up plan if your event is outside, or even for parking and walking to the site. Well in advance of the wedding, speak with the events and banquet coordinator at your venue and ask about alternatives for bad weather. Find out when they have to make a decision, for example, if a temporary rain shower moves through the area a few hours before the outdoor ceremony, the arch or chuppah or chairs and decorations will get wet, and most likely, if this is the time of set-up, they won’t be able to set up outdoors. Ask about the options and know what they are. Then - don’t even think twice about it. Because? When it comes to the day of your wedding and you are within hours of walking down the aisle, you can’t worry about those details and hopefully, you are resolved to the notion that the only thing that matters is that you are able to get married. Rule of thumb: Have back-up plans but then don’t fret over them.

Hopefully you won’t have any “Oops” moments on your special day, but if you do, go with the flow. Many times, guests who don’t know what was “supposed to” happen won’t notice the difference and just stay focused on having fun because this is YOUR day.

wedding planning, “oops”, wedding mishaps, bad wedding vendors, planning for problems, how to help older guests, bad weather options

My bouquet was never tossed and my dress is tinged black at the bottom and balled up in a dress bag in my closet. But my wedding is a memory growing fainter each day.

A reader wrote me recently wondering about life after her wedding. Will he change? Will she change? What will be different? Will it actually feel any better or worse?

The answers to these questions are about as individual as each person who has ever pondered them.

I didn’t have any doubts or what-if thoughts until about three days before my wedding when I paused, in the midst of running fifteen gagillion errands and thought, oh, I suppose I should stop flirting with salesmen in hope of getting discounts, and oh, huh, I guess I never will date anyone else. But, just as quickly as each thought came rushing into my head, they left, and I never looked back or thought twice.

If you are having these thoughts and they aren’t going away and your wedding isn’t just a day away, you might consider talking to a friend or therapist to explore what they really mean. Otherwise, these thoughts are more common and “normal” than a three tiered wedding cake.

Did anything change between us? Yes. Absolutely. Everything. And nothing at all. Depends on how you look at it.

We have a committement to each other that is deeper, legal, and recognized as the ultimate in committment. We still talk about the same things, we still have the same jobs, we are the same people at heart. Marriage, however, feels special. Yes, some things are different, there is more cohesion and the government recognizes your property as shared.

I guess the chance that things will change is always out there. But, if you are open and honest about who you are before there are rings on your fingers and three-inch planning binders in your lap, chances are, you will be just as open and honest and work together just as well after the I-DO’s, the cake smashing and the kissing of old relatives who smell funny.

I have spent years being a massive control freak and not allowing others to help me.

Somehow on the morning of May 20th I was as calm and cool as the salami in the refrigerator. I woke up earlier than I had originally planned and my first thought was that I wished my rehearsal dinner had gone longer because I didn’t get to talk to everyone. Then I remembered that holyshitohmygod, today is my wedding day today is all about me and this is my day and ohmygod I’m getting married in eight hours.

In a more perfect world I would have slept until about 10:30 in the morning, had a leisurely breakfast while watching television, my choice of TiVo’d shows, of course, followed by a shower and then a seat in the hair-makeup chair at 12:30 and a quick slipping into my dress at 2pm for my initial photo shoot with Marc at 2:30.

It didn’t go that way.

My two friends were to arrive at 9:15 for their hair styling, followed by my sister in law at 11am and my mother in law at noon. I would be last, as I was, most important and needed to be the “freshest�.

I woke up at 8am.

I had breakfast. Toast, orange juice and a scrambled egg. I had nothing to read and the house with my in-laws and sister-in-law-type (they aren’t married, but I like her) had an eerie buzzing of energy, sort of like the humming of a mosquito near your ear, but it was also mostly relaxed.

My friends showed up on time.

My hair stylist arrived promptly at 9:20am to begin a style at 9:30am.

I had nothing to do but wait.

And be nervously nauseated.

I took a nap. And then waited some more. The waiting was the hard part, can ‘ya tell?

Finally, I took a shower and made my way to the hair and make-up chair. Before I knew it I was putting on my third coating of deodorant, slipping into my dress, holding my bouquet and hugging my parents while I waited to see Marc for the fist time.

The point of this long assvicey entry is that your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. You have to make it what you want it to be, and you can. You don’t have to have a wedding like your friend or like you think your Mom wants to see. Let me explain, if you need calm and quiet, demand that. Be sure to surround yourself with people who will support you in the way you need at that time. If you function better with seven bridesmaids and two mothers bouncing around the room, by all means, invite them ALL in. Make the day, especially the time before the ball really starts rolling, what you need it to be. It’s okay to be a little demanding, most likely people will just think you know what you want.

The day is yours and it will be as great as you make it.

And remember, this? Happens very fast. Try to remember as much as possible.

And also breathe.

My wedding is over.

I have been married for eleven days.

I have honeymooned and returned to the eye-ticking, irritating pace of having to go back to work tomorrow.

My wedding was very totally awesome! All my planning was well worthwhile. I had more fun that I ever expected to have. I ate my entire dinner. I danced a hell of a lot! There were kisses and hugs and dancing and the cake was so damn good - and you know so many times wedding cakes just taste like cardboard.

I am full of positive experiences and lessons learned and assvice from an amateur-turned-pro. No seriously. I’m not going to write about how I have had a wedding therefore I KNOW weddings. I am going to spend the next few weeks writing about my wedding, my planning experiences, my lessons learned, with the hope that it helps someone else. I will tell stories and post pictures and share my emotions of the day, the days before the wedding and the honeymoon - from planning it to what to expect and how much time to allow between international connections on American Airlines when traveling through Miami Airport. GOD.

Before my wedding I used certain days of the week to write certain topics and I wasn’t so thrilled with that. I’ve been feeling too confined and there were times when I wasn’t able to write what I wanted because I couldn’t make it work with a Trend or Tradition or Question-Answer.

I will leave you now with some pictures. If you are getting married before I am able to post of all of my lessons learned, most of all … have fun. I cannot emphasize this enough. And I know you are rolling your eyes at me because! Of course you will have fun at your wedding. In the hours leading up to your wedding, there is not much you can do. The flowers will or will not show up. The cake will or will not be delivered. Most likely, your guests are in town and are getting dressed for the event or taking a much needed nap. I suppose this all works well with careful pre-wedding planning.

I will also talk a lot about what people told me, especially the bold-lettered articles in all the seventeen pound magazines that consist of five hundred pages of advertisements and three articles that say: Make your wedding reflect your personal style and taste. What if you don’t know your personal style? I thought I did, but as time went on I learned a lot more about myself. I will share the details of what worked for me. Scheduling, vendor relationships, travel, timetables, family issues, ohmyholyhell, the family issues!

I am thrilled to be married. I really am. Marc and I spent at least three days calling each other “wife” and “husband”. We were giddy with what we had just done. We still are. Each day still feels sort of new. We have lived together for two years, owned a house together for six months, gotten pregnant a month before the wedding, but, this does feel new. There is a higher level of commitment and authority and respect and a whole new awesome sense of belonging to each other, our new family, and our old respective families. Speaking of the “new” … I will make sure I spend an entire entry on the issue of name changing. I am totally in the middle of changing my name right now. My new social security card is in the mail. My bank knows me as Stacy Kravitz. But, I can still deposit checks made out to Stacy Ochsman. WTF?

Oh! My ceremony. Amazing. Beautiful.

Surprises? Nothing bad I can think of.

Good? One of our best friends made a video of our entire ceremony and reception. We haven’t seen it yet, but we had no idea he was going to do this.

I have many details to share and hopefully, many readers to re-lure.

Pictures? Anyone…?

And finally … some of the fun,

Today I met with my coordinator at the country club where my wedding will be held this Sunday. I gave her total attendee numbers and total meal choice numbers.

Somehow, somewhere, someone cannot add, and it is NOT me. It is actually Microsoft’s Excel. It is Bill Gates’ fault. Alas, one guest asked to have fish instead of vegetarian. That means, PLUS one fish. MINUS one vegetarian. RIGHT!? But for now, we are definitely good enough for government,

I came home and told my mother-in-law asked me how things were going. Our conversation went like this:

MIL: How did it go?

ME: *smiles*

There comes a point in your planning when it is totally time to let go. It is not easy. Dear sweet lord, it is NOT easy. But, I know things will go fine, and if not, they will go fine enough.

Also? I picked up my dress tonight. It is hanging about ten feet away from me. It is pretty. It is FINAL. No more alterations. It is READY. I guess I AM really getting married in three days.

Dear Loyal Readers and not-so-loyal readers (aka: lurkers),

I apologize for the lack of postings and the short postings that I attempted to make into something cohesive. I regret dropping the ball on you and the ongoing themes I discuss here. But, life really got in the way. As I write this I’m reminded how much I enjoy blogging and as soon as my wedding and honeymoon are over, I promise to return full force with total wedding gusto!

However, for now, my wedding day has just about arrived! I traveled from Maryland to Florida this morning, rented a car, drove an hour, had a dress fitting, and then worked on a million and one details and … I’m actually feeling really good about everything and I wanted to mention a few things I have learned, just today!

I have always heard that you should mention to everyone and anyone that you are on your honeymoon, or that something is for your wedding, as you never know when a free upgrade is right around the corner. Well! No kidding! It does work!!

I arrived at the airport this morning at around 8:45am. I reported to Marc that I would carry all of my bags. He laughed and went to get a Smarte Carte. While he was twenty feet away from me, I opened the trunk and said very loudly in open-jawed fashion, I have FOUR BAGS!? And, ya’ll? That’s four CHECKED bags, not counting the purse and backpack as carry-on.

I loaded up the cart and wheeled myself through the line at the Southwest counter. I was smiling from ear to ear, thinking, I’m leaving town for my wedding! The only thing potentially spoiling the mood was the man behind me whose idea of personal space was something akin to the stampede at Best Buy when they open the doors at 3am on Christmas Eve to sell Wii machines for five dollars to the first seven people inside the door.

When I got to the counter, I was very pleasant and friendly, cause, you know, if you didn’t notice yet, I’m going to my wedding! I then decided to make a joke out of myself, there is no way I’m going to get away with checking FOUR damn bags.

I handed the lady my credit card and then told her that I only travel this light when I’m going to my wedding. She laughed and handed me back my credit card and said, “Consider it an early wedding gift, congratulations.” Free. Totally escaped a $50 per bag charge for my extra two bags. SCORE!

At this point I decided that whoring myself for free and discounted wedding items was beyond worthwhile.

I later shamelessly flirted with the car rental attendant and it got me an awesome blue convertible Mustang and some heavy duty pats on the back to my ego - the *dude totally fell all over himself telling me how lucky my finance was and how sad it was that I was going to be off the market. I told him I was sending a sympathy card and that men all over creation would manage somehow now that I’m almost officially “taken”.

Speaking of “taken” … I’m looking forward to it. I had a brief moment today, and I do mean brief, because mainly, I didn’t actually time to think for myself. The passing idea of how did I get here? Am I sure? What am I doing? But it passed and I really am excited and thrilled to be moving forward with my life with Marc. I honestly do not have any cold feet.

*Rich - Wink Wink!!

I just received one of my last symbolic I-am-a-bride-to-be items. In today’s mail? The June/July 2007 issue of Modern Bride. I don’t quite know if I will miss it. Although, I assume I they will keep coming to me, but then I’ll use them for research and your entertainment.

In reading through this issue I marked a few pages with interesting ideas that I will visit here over the next few weeks.

One thing that caught my eye was a question posed to all readers in the last issue and answered in this issue with many different ideas. Like most readers, I suppose I can understand both sides of the argument, but, I’m more fascinated by what it says about brides.

Modern Bride posed the following readers: I requested two things of my bridesmaids; that they wear their hair up and get a French manicure. A few seem annoyed. Am I being too controlling?

I now invoke the my blog, my opinion rule and tell you that I think this is asking a bit much. However, all brides and weddings are as individual as the guests attending. My overly explained opinion is this; a bride has a right to has her bridesmaids to do anything specific of her choosing, but her bridesmaids also have the option of chosing NOT to cooperate and then, above said bride, should understand that her demands prohibited her friend from being a part of her wedding.

Brides across the world are known for occasionally being overbearing bitches who care way too much about the decorations and the manicures. I have always written from the standpoint that it matter more what you say and do in your ceremony than what you dance to at the concluding party. I say this because the GOAL of the day is that a marriage, hopefully healthy and longlasting one is formed. I will admit that there are times in the midst of planning a wedding where you lose sight of the goals ahead. Dealing with vendors and parents and family issues can be ridiculously trying and stressful. However, my final point, while a bride certainly has a right to make demands for her wedding, she must, must do so knowing the potential consequences that may arise.

In exactly two weeks from this MOMENT, I will be dancing at my own wedding.

I will have already cut the cake.

I will be wearing my wedding ring.

I will have danced with my Dad. (Waaaaaa! I’m SO emotional on this one! I can’t wait)

Marc and I will have two more hours of fun and dancing and talking until we head out into the moonlight in out decorated getaway car.

I’m so thrilled I am glowing. I don’t know how I will maintain any composure this week at work. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to think straight.

VICE PRESIDENT OF STACY’s COMPANY: Stacy, can you please summarize this report and email a copy to me the CEO?

ME: I’m getting married in less than 2 weeks!

VICE PRESIDENT: Um, great, can I have that by 3pm?

ME: MARRIED! VEIL! DRESS! THE BRIDE! ME… AM THE BRIDE!

VICE PRESIDENT: noticably concerned and mildy frustrated The sooner you can focus on that the better.

ME: … thinks to self, must call pet sitting service because AM GETTING MARRIED

If you can’t manage to follow this posting you are very much not alone. Very soon you will have postings that might actually HELP YOU! Once I return to this planet and get over my own damn swollen ego about getting married, I will be a better writer and advocate for all.

In the mean time, feel free to check out a new site, Saving for a Wedding.