Wedding Tactics

I just completed my third and final planning weekend in Florida.

This weekend I got my marriage license. Basically, I COULD take it to any justice of the peace in Florida’s Manatee County and get married at any moment. Or, I will wait until May 20.

Marc got measured for his tuxedo. I had another dress fitting. We met with our Rabbi and put together our ceremony which is really nice and we are really excited for that part.

I still have many schedules and lists and plans to put together. I have to talk with our photographers and our DJ to go over some specifics. At this point in the planning, we are just ready for the event to be here. We want our big day! I’m tired of planning. Tired of worrying. Tired of debating and tired of costs. We just want to get married and be with the people we care about most in the world. We really don’t care what the centerpieces look like. We just. want. to. be. married.

And … on our way to Jamaica!

Some good gal-pals took me to a very nice dinner on Saturday night. It was at one of my favorite restaurants and it was a surprise! It was actually the restaurant where I met them, almost exactly two years ago.

We ate and drank some wine and talked, mostly, about the men. That? Made me feel a little old, but also, it was touching, that we care enough about our significant others to talk about them when they are not there.

I opted to have a calmer, cozier, quieter night, sans male stripper and bar-hopping. It was more, ME. And, was exactly what I wanted.

Brides, be sure to voice your desires to a close friend or bridesmaid who will be organizing a party like this in your honor. Modern brides are not all having traditional bachelorette parties. More than likely, a few girls will get together for a weekend away, or take a weekend and go to a spa, or a vacation home, or even just a night out to a local restaurant.

bachelorette party, bride, girl time

You know you are a bride when you start thinking about your something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

The origin of this little jingle goes back to Victorian times. The “old” represents the bond to the bride’s family and her life prior to the wedding; the “new” represents the new life the couple will have together and all the happiness, prosperity and success they will share; the “borrowed” is something loaned to the bride from a happily married woman. This item is meant to impart similar happiness. The “blue” something represents fidelity and constancy.

Here are my current ideas for my 4 somethings:

1. Something old: Carrying my grandma’s handkerchief
2. Something new: My dress, my shoes, duh!
3. Something borrowed: ???? Still searching for this one …
4. Something blue: Am wearing a ring with a sapphire that also belonged to my grandma

I suppose I will borrow an anklet from my Mom, or perhaps a bracelet. I’d love to wear a borrowed tennis bracelet. Hint Hint!! Anyone want to loan me one? The only requirement is that you are happily married. Heh.

One month, one week and two days.

One month, nine days.

Thirty-eight days.

No matter how you say it? It’s all the same really.

There is good news and bad news at this point. I went onto TheKnot.com and printed my To-Do list. It is ONLY two pages! Whoo Hooo! That is the good news.

The bad news? I have a two-page To-Do list!

I went through my binder last night to weed out the unnecessary information. I no longer need any paperwork about my invitations because they have been sent and all but four people replied. Those four people who never sent the reply card back? I put a curse on you! May your socks fall down into your shoes and my you have a massive front-of-your-head cowlick for a whole year.

So, as I was toss all these great pictures I had printed for “ideas” into the circular filing bin, I was sad that I no longer needed ideas but was quickly, very quickly reminded that I don’t need “ideas” because I have already made a million and one decisions and I only need to keep the ONE picture of my hair style, and ONE picture of my dress. I don’t need seven sheet covers back-to-back of potential bouquets because I have already chosen mine. And it will be … fine.

Prior to this wedding planning experience I was not a good decision maker. I mean, I chose to buy a house with Marc and I am certain of my decision to marry him, but the little ones, like, should the dining room table have placemats or a tablecloth would drive me totally insane. It’s the OCD tendency to doubt oneself. I am not usually committed to certain outfits or to hairstyles and sometimes I even wonder if my engagement ring looks better on my right hand?

This process has forced me to make choices and live with them. I definitely want a nice wedding, but a five thousand dollar floral bill does not a nice wedding make. What makes the occasion special is the feeling, the company, the guests, what you say and how you say it. It matters so much more what I saw in my vows than what I spend on the centerpieces.

My mother-in-law saw a wedding in my venue a few months ago and reported to me that they had big tall centerpieces with arrangements of calla-lilies. I knew that callas would be way beyond what I wanted to spend. I knew that I didn’t care what people thought about the room, or what they thought about me based on their guess of what I spent to entertain them. A wedding is not about entertaining your guests or impressing your guests.

STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX NOW …

… …

…

Sometimes I need to write things like this to remind myself that $700 on cake is outrageous but at this point, I just need to accept it. And hope for the biggest damn piece they cut!

I’m getting married in 52 days.

And, yes, I’m totally excited and YES! totally stressed.

What about? You ask.

Everything. I’m worried about leaving my pets with a pet-sitter for two and a half weeks. I can’t decide between having my mail held and having my pet-sitter/house-sitter pick up my mail. I am concerned that I will forget to bring my garter (which is SO cool by the way, of course, pictures AFTER the wedding) with me to Florida. Just this past weekend someone started talking about the rain/inclimate weather alternatives … and after I stopped hyperventilating and sweating I calmly retorted, “Fine. I agree. Have a plan. Don’t tell me what it is or anything about it. If you have to move things because of rain, that’s fine. I don’t want to know until the day of the wedding, because then I won’t care, I’ll just want to be married.”

The being calm? Felt great.
The not caring? Even more great.

It’s a real toss up between freaking-out and not caring but I figure it will all work out in the end.

After the flowers have been chosen and the food options tasted, the dress altered and the tuxedo rentals secured, the plane tickets purchased and the hotel blocks reserved, the ketubah waiting for me in Sarasota and the kippots ordered there is a definite release of stress as you cross these items off of your MUST-DO list. However, you might remember that you still haven’t had a second meeting with the Rabbi, and you still need to arrange for your parents flights to the wedding destination and you want to lose five more pounds and avoid a stress-related break-out, you start to feel that rapid-heartbeat Oh-Shit feeling returning to your every waking step.

Getting married is a huge, life-changing event. Even if you have lived with your partner, there are new levels of shared property and space. At this point, I am really excited. I do waiver between being stressed and being blasé about the details. I think that is normal.

Slowly you become closer to your partner. Slowly the families accept your wedding choices. As the entire event starts to come together, you might even find yourself sitting back and smiling. At least until a distant relative who calls you and wants to know if they can bring their children and babies to the wedding and if the food is kosher and the fish wild-caught.

See? I can still laugh and drive at the same time. In fact, I was on the way to my hair and make-up trial when this was taken. And, I had just saved $500 on my florals. Total score!

wedding stress, bride, ketubah, kippot, pet-sitter, wedding, wedding tactics

I survived another wedding-planning weekend with my in-laws. I was alone. No Marc to support me and help me through the myriad of decisions and color choices and short or long table cloths.

I have a list of about twenty things to do, buy, make and get to Florida in the next month. I have specific dollar amounts due in three weeks.

I have no been to the gym in over four days. Eeek! My only exercise was an hour long walk yesterday with my in-laws and twenty-minutes of sweating in the hot tub the night before.

I did take pictures. In fact, I took over an hundred pictures of my hair style trial and my make-up trial. I also left them on my camera chip at home. So, I guess you’ll have to wait until May to see them. I will try to give some sort of sneak-preview later in the week.

My dress? The one I was freaked the heck out about having it NOT fit because of some previously mentioned weight loss. It fits me. It needs alterations, but just larger ones than it needed before. Once they alter the halter-top to fit me they will do the hem. It looks so pretty and so, … me. It is very Florida. It is white. It has some beading but is very simple. And, to make my Mom proud, I bought a veil too. And I must admit it is pretty too.

I did a lot of this trying on and getting stuck with pins in the arms while my mother-in-law, my aunt-in-law, and Grandma-in-law watched from the sofa behind me.

Even though I lost a bit of weight, my dress still mostly fits me. I understand the alterations it needs. I still can’t wait to just put it on and have it fit!

My totally rockin’ most proud moment of the weekend was cutting $500 from my floral budget. I choose more orchids which are either native to Florida or easy and inexpensive to get. I stopped JUST looking at certain flowers and looked for other flowers in my colors. I simplified the Chuppah by not having flowers on the back side, but rather, just some greenery. I did not compromise on having an aisle lined with rose petals.

I’m really excited for the big day. I can’t wait to be married and stop planning this shindig. It is scary that some people are so excited for it because it makes me feel as though they have really high expectations for what the event will look like. But, all in all, they’ll get over it. Any real friends and real family members will come to see and celebrate with us, not for the food or to see how much cash we can fork over for flowers.

So. Much. To. Do.

Don’t even mention table assignments! Urgh!

STACY CLASPS HANDS TO CHEEKS, ALL HOME-ALONE-ISH, AND SCREAMS SLACKJAWWED AND THEN PASSES OUT INTO NEARBY CHAIR

If you are getting married in the next three months, chances are you have had similar moments. If you haven’t, well, don’t tell me, please, and also, you are letting someone else do way too much for your wedding. You should be squirming and stressing and having a great time.

On Friday I sort of freaked out and came home early from work, took a nap and made a dinner of fish sticks. Blech! I have no idea what happened to broiled salmon and salad.

I slept off my stress and went to bed until 10:30 Saturday morning. I spent part of Saturday fighting with Marc over, surprise! money! the wedding! cleaning and chores he had not done. I felt better after I worked out for an hour this morning.

In the midst of our arguments I told Marc that we had a lot of decisions to make and choices to choose. He shot down my first dance song suggestion of “Can’t help falling in love with you” by Elvis Presley. I secretly think he is against the song because he is weirded out by Elvis. Whatever. So I told him to come up with FIVE songs by Sunday night and we’d talk.

Fast Forward to NOW (Sunday night, 10:30pm):

ME: Did you come up with any first dance songs?

MARC: SHAKES HEAD. No, I didn’t.

ME: LIVE BLOGS THE SAGA AND USES CAPS LOCKS FOR EMPHASIS OF HOW MEN? AND WEDDINGS? DO NOT MIX.

Days 61 - 57
1. Decide on first-dance song
2. Meet with Florist and make final choices for bouquet, ceremony and centerpieces
3. Have first and major dress fitting, (hopefully lose 5 pounds by then too, just because that would be super cool)
4. Have my hair and make-up trial
5. Make some final budget calculations
6. Breathe
7. Stay calm and collected and continue to wish the BIG DAY here quickly and inexpensively

And don’t let the cat eat your centerpiece.

migraine, wedding, first dance song, elvis, wedding budget, florida

I have thus far avoided the topic of Dads and Daughters when it comes to weddings because I am extremely close with my Dad and I’m crazy excited to have him walk me down the aisle and dance with me, but it is also a little sad because sometimes I feel like I won’t be daddy’s little girl anymore. Not that I am right now, but getting married is in itself, an historically, giving yourself to another man, or answering to another man, or just extremely symbolic that your father isn’t the main number ONE man in your life anymore.

In the past few months I have come to see that my Dad and I will also be close and nothing will change our relationship, not even me getting married, changing my last name and having a family of my own with another man. My father will be a part of this in a new way as he becomes a father-in-law and later, a grandpa.

Traditionally in most weddings, the father walks the bride down the aisle and “gives her away”. The “ownership” of a woman is quite outdated, but the tradition still stands firm because it is a romantic notion that we all like to hold onto. The idea of my father walking me down the aisle is one I have thought about for a long time. In most traditional Jewish weddings both parents walk the bride down the aisle, however, I have added a slight twist so that my brother will walk my Mom down the aisle and my Dad will walk me. I just sort of like it that way.

Many people don’t have fathers who are living, involved in their lives or weddings or they have step-fathers to whom they are very close, or perhaps even a grandfather or uncle. It should never be a point of contention of stress over who will walk you down the aisle. It is not altogether uncommon to see a bride being escorted by her father and a step-father. That moment belongs to the bride and the bride alone. She should feel free to have anyone she wants walk her down the aisle, including a mother, if that is what she chooses.

I had my first wedding dream last night.

It was a nightmare.

I just remember it, like, five minutes ago and I realized that for my own sanity and your entertainment, I needed to rehash it words for the Internet to psychoanalyze.

In my dream, my ceremony took place and it was a real disaster. Nobody walked down the aisle the right way, including Marc. There was no music. I knew immediately that something wasn’t right and that heavy sense of dread settled over me in the way that an itch at the bottom of your bottom when you are wearing ski boots would bother you.

When I got the end of the aisle, which was crooked and not lined with flower petals and also indoors, I saw Marc and he was wearing a tuxedo. For some reason he walked the aisle by himself and my parents walked together so I had to walk alone and I was seriously distraught.

The Rabbi said three lines, he said “Do you take this woman to be your wife to have and hold from this day forth?”

We both replied “yes” and he pronounced us man and wife, but, we didn’t have wedding bands so no rings. And I actually said “That’s it?”

The Rabbi replied, “I forgot the rest, sorry!”

Ahhhh!

Fast forward to this morning, 10:30am, which was really 9:30am because I am opposed to daylight savings time if and only if it requires you to turn the clocks ahead and wake up at 6am in the damn dark. I digress; I woke up with a migraine. Go figure.

I think what this dream actually *meant* is that I need to PLAN, talk with our Rabbi and make an appointment to get wedding bands. Eeek! I don’t know how I will make it 68 more days if I have a bad dream over ever undecided issue.

I’m 81 days away from my wedding right now.

Yesterday I ordered our ketubah, complete with personalization. It looks like this:

It is so exciting to actually check something OFF of my To-Do list! I feel like I have a huge thing taken care of. Now, if only we could get the men’s clothing sorted out.

Our bridal party is small, consisting of a father of the bride, a father of the groom, a groom, a best-man (brother of groom) and brother of the bride. However, the brother of the bride is flying in from Europe to attend and can’t on last minute notice get a tuxedo, so he is fine in a suit or dress pants and a sport-coat. Now! The “issue” that causes me to start ticking my head and breathing at unnatural rates is whether or not all the men will wear the same, a black tuxedo and a vest of my choosing? Or, will the father’s be in all-black and white tuxedos and the groom and best-man will wear the special vest? I’m not too up to date on modern men’s wear. Meanwhile, my brother-in-law is still trying to convince me that they should all wear a Jcrew or Gap linen suit. I’m not opposed, but it means more schlepping and more coordinating.

I’ve searched all over for pictures of weddings where men did not wear tuxedos and all I see are black suits, (Bah.) and tan suits with leather flip-flops for beach weddings. Seeing as how I have a country club wedding, I think a suit is the lowest we can go on the scale of men’s formal wear.

I really like these options, but I’m not sure they go with the setting.

ketubah, wedding, groom’s clothing, suits, tuxedos

Bridal showers these days vary greatly depending on who is giving them and who is being honored. Some ultra-girlie showers include many games while others are slightly more on the conservative side, offering a luncheon, a high tea, gifts and just simple conversation. Also? There are some that feature a little bit of both sides and everything in between.

My bridal shower consisted of the women invited to my wedding who live locally, a few coworkers who have yet to be invited (limited spacing and finances being the reason), and some friends of my mother-in-law and friends of my aunt-in-law who gave me the shower. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s October ‘07 wedding and I have been asked by her Mother-in-Law’s friends to help plan that shower which will consist mostly of not-invited-to-the-wedding friends of the groom’s mother. So, shower’s can be given and hosted by anyone who is willing and able.

Some of the games that I have seen played:

1. Toilet paper wedding dress. The crowd is broken into teams and they choose one lady who models a wedding dress made out of toilet paper that her teammates create. A winner is choosen and little token gifts are given out.

2. Trivia! Someone creates a trivia game about the darling bride and the guests have to guess and whoever gets the right answers gets a token gift. Examples of questions: 1. Who knows something about the bride’s sex life? 2. What is the bride’s favorite pair of underwear? 3. Where did the bride and groom go on their first date? 4. Where did the proposal take place? And a host of other tailored to the bride and groom questions.

3. As the bride opens her gifts, someone creates a hat or a bouquet out of all the ribbons from the gift packages. The bride then has to wear this for the remainder of the shower, or if it a bouquet, she can use it as her bouquet at her rehersal in the coming weeks or months. This is me … a blush bride, holding a hodgepodge of ribbons and bows which is supposedly practice for holding the real bouquet.

4. BINGO! Bridal Themed and Love Themed. Theses games are available at WeddingChannel.com.

5. Last, but definitely not least, there is Bridal Shower Lottery, a fun and conversation invoking game.

My shower invitation. So pretty. But also so changed.

As of yesterday the Washington Metro area was forecast to have some freezing rain, sleet and snow on Sunday. The forecast kept deteriorating.

At 9:00am on Saturday the shower hostess called me and asked if I thought it would be okay to call everyone and move the shower to 2pm … five hours from that moment!

We all frantically made calls. I would say things like, “Hi!It’s Stacy,becauseoftheimpendingweatherweareconsideringmovingtheshowerto
todaycanyoumakeit at2pmtoday?”

The end result was that all but two people were able to change their plans.

But! I wasn’t ready!

I was all My shower isn’t supposed to be until tomorrow, I’m not mentally ready. But, like all my guests and my fabulous hosts, I was a trooper.

My shower began at 2pm and it was a lovely luncheon and I got amazing gorgeous gifts, some of which I will photograph later in the week.

I wore red cordoury pants, a brown silk crewneck sweater and new pointy-toed very high heeled boots. My friends met my Mom and my Mother-In-Law and everyone was interested in talking to me and they wanted to know about the wedding and my colors and how I was and why I looked so good. Answers: not nervous, just stressed and overwhelmed; pink and sand; and pills, duh!

It was so much fun to be the center of attention and have everyone looking at me. I loved it!

Now, I have lots of very nice thank you notes to write in my neatest-which-isn’t-very-neat handwritting.

It was all a good thing too, ’cause today? It snowed like six inches and was totally gross winter weather.

I got an email last night from my florist.

I immediately doubled my heart rate and began to hyperventilate.

Why?

In MY calendar, the meeting is scheduled for FRIDAY, the 23RD at 10am. Because Saturday, I have my dress fitting.

So I wrote back IMMEDIATELY and said:

Hi B.- Thanks for writing to me … but, our appointment was specifically for Friday at 10am because we talked about you having weddings to do on Saturday. Can you still do Friday at 10am … ? I hope so!
Please let me know. I have actually changed my ideas a lot since we first met, but I have a few specifics and hopefully we can talk about what I definitely want and what I’m flexible on and we can put that all into my budget.
I am really excited and looking forward to meeting with you again. Before we meet I will send you some details about what I was thinking so you can be more prepared to give me prices. Thanks again, Stacy

Then I wrote to my mother-in-law, with tears brimming in my eyes and a scream brewing deep in my chest:

The florist effed up the appointment time! When we talked we decided to meet on Friday because she is busy with weddings on Saturday …. she just wrote me and said our meeting on Saturday has to be only an hour !!! GRRR!
I wrote back and told her we agreed on Friday and that I hope she still has time. If she messed this up I MAY need to see if there are other florists available. I know she is good, but she doesn’t seem to be too friendly. Oh well … if she has friday to meet at 10am everything will be fine. I just don’t feel too comfortable with her, but I guess it will all work out.
I’ll let you know as soon as I hear from her. love, s

Of course, I totally overreacted. Durr! There’s something new!

First thing this morning, I got this email:

Stacy, I am glad I emailed also as I must have put the appointment on the wrong day…I could not understand why I would have scheduled a Saturday Appointment with the weddings I had. I have moved it on my calendar to Friday March 23 at 10:00. Thanks B.

I suppose all is well that ends well.

I’m waiting right now for my Mom to come over. I am taking her dress shopping for the highly anticipated Mother-of-the-Bride dress.

My Mom’s style is classic/conservative, not trendy, but simple.

I have no idea where to start! I’m thinking Macy’s and maybe Bloomingdale’s. David’s Bridal has a MOB dress line and I saw something that I think she might like.

Way back in the beginning of the planning my father-in-law said to my mother-in-law … jokingly, of course, “keep your mouth shut and wear beige!”

Now, I have to say, I really like that idea of all mothers just staying quiet and wearing a soft, neutral color. However, the reality is, that isn’t always possible. My wedding colors are pink and sand. I think my Mom will choose a navy gown, maybe beige. I’m hoping she feels good today and is excited to try on pretty dresses.

I will post a follow up this afternoon … stay tuned.

I haven’t had much creativity lately and I’m sorry. I’m really trying to get this blog off the ground and be entertaining and informative, but for the past few days, I’m just, all, durrrr… I think I’ll take a nap for a few minutes.

My latest wedding thoughts:

1. Small square-tightly packed flower vase, low centerpieces or single stem in a lotus bowl with sand and a starfish.

2. Wondering when 58 people will reply and hoping for a good yes/no split.

3. Hoping I lose about 10 more, okay, 15 more pounds so I can have my dress altered down a few sizes and wear some awesome clothes on my honeymoon.

4. Looking ahead to spending seven days in Jamaica doing absolutely nothing but drinking rum, reading and listening to a steel drum while I rock in a hammock.

5. Putting off updating my budget.

6. Trying to remember to order my darn ketubah.

7. Wishing **wishing** for some creative ideas and inspiration.