Wedding Tactics

I’ve just started hearing about a few engagements that took place around Valentine’s Day. If you are one of those people, a sincere congratulations to you!

One couple in particular is getting married at the end of the summer. A wedding, in exactly six months. I can hear the style guides and high-glam planners cringing with absolute fright. But I assure you, it is possible to have the wedding you want in six months or less. All it takes is some careful planning in the beginning and some diligent team work. By team work I am absolutely implying that if you have a mother or mother-in-law who wants to man the controls, by all means, this is the time they are needed. You really do need someone working on plans more than just on weekends.

Many vendors book up months and even years in advance so it may not be possible to have your choice of vendors. You do compromise some degree of choosiness but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on quality. Employ your friends and family to help you, you will need it for making phone calls and lining up vendors.

I have also written a detailed beauty checklist to follow leading up to your wedding. Many of these activities can be abbreviated when time is limited.

Here is an abbreviated to do list in you are planning to get married in less than six months:

Immediately:
Decide on your budget, color/theme, and make a thorough list of all the things you wish to incorporate into the wedding, include EVERYTHING, even things like newspaper announcement or embossed personalized napkins because for one it will help you decide what is really important to you, it will force you to prioritize and most importantly, delegate and ask for help. With this short of a time frame, you have to ask others, unless of course you don’t work and can spend forty plus hours a week planning your own wedding, in which case, you shouldn’t be reading my website.

Questions to ask yourself:
1. Will you hire a coordinator?
2. Will you have a separate ceremony/reception site, or will it be the same location?
3. Start looking for a gown, most likely, unless you buy off the rack or at a close-out sale, it will take a few months for the dress to be made and be shipped to you.
4. Create your guest list because this will determine what kind of venue size you need.
5. Register for gifts.

Vendors:
1. Book an officiant, NOW.
2. DJ or Band? You have a much better bet finding a DJ on shorter notice.
3. Caterer.
4. Florist.
5. Photographer.
6. Do them all now. Make phone calls and your first question needs to be: ARE YOU AVAILABLE ON MY WEDDING DATE? If they are, then talk specifics and decide if you want them.

Other important things to do:
1. Order invitations.
2. Book a honeymoon.
3. Select a cake.
4. Shop for rings.

Okay! Phew! That’s the short list of what you need to think about and do RIGHT NOW if you are getting married this summer and haven’t done anything yet.

And don’t stress too much, remember, weddings are happy times and should be FUN.

I recently met a new mother through a good friend of mine and we exchanged contact information. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had given me her maiden name, not her married name. I am told she plans to change her name any day now. Thing is? She’s been married for over two years now.

When I got married I changed my last name the first full day I was home from the honeymoon.

So did two friends of mine. We all married under the age of thirty, some of us closer to it than others. And neither of us had made a seriously substantial name for ourselves in our respective careers.

Of course, there are some other things that change after you get married. To read more about what you might want to consider, dread or even look forward to, click here.

So what’s the deal these days on changing your name? Keeping your last name? Or, the ultimate, taking on a new name without letting go of the old one.

Regardless of the reasons for changing your name, it is best to start with the Social Security Administration.

For some, its a matter of letting go of the past and all that is attached to a name. It can also be a chance to become someone else, a new you perhaps, or it can just signify that your new roles, wife, spouse, perhaps even mother?

Some people want a name that is easier to spell, easier to pronounce, or one less or even more conspicuous, hinting towards an ethnic background or religious affiliation. And for some it is just a question of tradition, establishing yourself in your newly created family.

I’m curious, did you change your name after you got married? If so, how soon did you make the change?

One of the most important vendors you may choose for your wedding day is the photographer. Your photographer will document your wedding day from morning until night. They will capture moments you won’t even recall and they will gather your entire family for group portraits you may never be able to replicate. The photographer is a very important person in your wedding day. You must feel comfortable enough with them to communicate all of your wants and plans for your big day, and then, you have to trust them to get the job done. And, done well.

Recently some photographers are able to offer a different kind of wedding album. As an alternative to the traditional photo album, you can now upgrade for a few extra hundred dollars to a coffee table album. The coffee table album is just that, a larger book that is usually arranged in a more photojournalistic manner rather than the traditional matted photo album.

When it comes time to find your photographer there are some good introductory questions to ask. Also, before meeting them, if they have a website, read it. If you have brochures, read them too. Sometimes many of your answers will be here and when a vendor knows that you have read up on them, it will allow you to really talk to them about your wedding and not just the basics like what kind of camera they use and the number of proofs you get.

1. Find out who will be taking the pictures at the wedding. Some large vendors have a few photographers who do the work on-site, others are husband and wife teams or independent folks. You want to be sure to meet with the person who will be doing the actual photo taking.

2. These days, most photographers use digital but some still use film. Be sure to ask because this effects your cost and photo turn around time.

3. Do they have any back-up equipment?

4. *important* Who has the copyrights to your photos? Some photographers will provide you with a CD of all the wedding photos so that you can duplicate them on your own. You may also want to ask for a letter stating that they are turning the rights over to you.

5. How much time are they available for? If you wedding goes later than expected will they stay and charge more? If you want to cut costs and only want them for a short period of time, will they negotiate an abbreviated package?

6. Price! Most photographers have a few different packages they offer that feature different numbers of photos and upgrades and all the different costs. Be sure to discuss costs up front. In most large cities, wedding photography can range from a few hundred dollars up to eight thousand dollars. There is not photo package that should cost eight thousand dollars. If a photographer is going to spend upwards of ten hours with you, consider, the time you are getting ready, the posed portraits prior to the ceremony, the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception, consider their time. They usually put in a lot of work afterwards getting photos printed and uploaded to websites. The price should also include an initial meeting and a thorough consultation prior to the wedding to discuss the event flow. All of this can be easily accomplished for as low as fifteen hundred dollars and up to four thousand dollars. Keep these figures in mind if you are willing to spend that much money. Otherwise, look to cut costs and compare vendors.

wedding, photography, vendors

I am at a loss for topics right now.

Okay. That’s not true. I have a whole list written down somewhere but I’m in the midst of mounds of work and I cannot think about weddings and dresses and bridesmaids and the crap and all the even larger crap that weddings entail. But! Usually I write about that crap, so be sure to check back soon for entries where I don’t refer to weddings with the word crap in a sentence.

So, for your viewing entertainment today, I’ve decided to show some outtake photos from my wedding, complete with captions that tell a very different story than what really happened, or maybe not. If you really want to know, ask.

At the last minute, Marc and I decided to make a run for it … we could be seen running from the fourth to the seventh holes until we encountered an alligator laying on the green. With no way to pass, we decided to head back to the country club for the ceremony. You know, afterall.

So there is a stain on my tie.

No good can come of three Ochsman cousins talking in such a hushed manner.

It is advised that while signing your ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, that you show your Rabbi as much cleavage as possible. An possible a nipple too.

Yes! This really was my cake topper. I chose it because I thought it reminded people that I wasn’t taking myself or the wedding too seriously. I mean, come on people, some humor, please! We liked it. And people were talking about it for days.

My brother, Me, my husband, and my brother-in-law. This photo really captures our true personalities and our mood on the day. My brother is annoying me. Marc is getting impatient and wants him to leave me alone. I’m wishing the moment would pass and Adam is just smiling trying to look cute, lest he miss a cameo moment.

Only a brother a sister moment could mean this much.

Can you guess which of these guys anxiously awaiting my garter toss puked all night from way too many tequila shots? Personally, I’m just glad I got my money’s worth on the bar tab.

wedding pictures, florida wedding, stacy’s wedding, making fun of my relatives, bride

Dear Stacy, My fiancée and I have decided on a destination wedding in Florida, where his family lives. We like the area because it just so relaxing and beautiful. We live in Washington, DC. How and where do I start my planning? I have gone to some recent local Bridal Expos with other girlfriends, but most of those vendors only offer local services. Help!

Ah, the destination wedding.

I am having one myself so have no fear my darling, it totally can be done.

Now, sit back and consider what you want. Do you want a church or synagogue wedding with a country club reception? Do you want it all in a hotel ball room, on the beach? Have an idea of what you want and a definite budget range before you begin. It is so easy to be talked into more and more grandiose ideas by vendors and family members you really need to be able to say, “No, I’m sorry, that isn’t in our budget, what can we do with those same colors in a smaller arrangement?”

First, start with the trusty ole Internet. Do a Google search for your city or state. For example:
1. Sarasota Weddings
2. Destination Wedding Planning Guide
3. Destination Wedding Jamaica

You get the idea?

You will find some vendors that way, and often times, a popular wedding locale will have its own wedding website. Be careful, a listing on a website does not a good vendor make. If you have family in the area, get them talking! Have them talk to coworkers, neighbors and friends about vendors they have used for weddings and other affairs. Get recommendations. Check references.

It is best to plan at least two trips to the destination prior to the wedding. It is suggested that you book vendors about six to nine months out. However, if you having a wedding in four months, you can still get vendors! Maybe not your top choice, but you can still totally find people; it will just take more leg work.

Make phone calls! Call vendors and talk to them, find out if they have your date available first. You will soon learn that some vendors take the extra minute and go the extra mile because some will bash other vendor styles while some will tell you everything you want to know before you ask.

I spoke with one photographer who told me that digital photography is horrible and he only shoots film and he takes about 300 shots at a typical wedding. Well? My photographers (who are awesome!!!) AJ Mills Photography shoot digital and are able to give me 1200 shots from the day. Hum … I wonder what I’m going with. Be cautious and make time to just absorb all the information they give you.

Plan you trip. Arrange a long weekend to your destination area and make appointments back to back, but leave about 3 hours in between each appointment. You’ll soon see that you can really only do about 4 in one day, so you will need a few days. Decide on your vendors and give them deposits to hold the date. A lot of the following decisions can be made from home and discussed over the phone and email. You have nine months to choose which photography package you want. Don’t stress. About two months prior to the wedding you want to have it all settled. (Which, by the way, is what I am doing this weekend, in an hour I’m meeting my florist to pick ALL the florals)

To maximize your time in vendor meetings, print pictures, have ideas and learn about the options before you get to the meeting, this will allow for time to talk and negotiate price not just get the basic information.

Vendors in destination areas are used to out of town brides. Get familiar with them, be friendly and choose vendors you KNOW that YOU can work with. Be picky. This is YOUR wedding. You have a right to have what you want and be within YOUR budget.

Good Luck!

One the latest and hottest trends in wedding photography is the coffee table album. A coffee table album is a wedding album, with a twist. I think people got tired of the traditional wedding album with a certain predetermined number of photo sides and photographers came up with an alternative.

Personally, I think we are going to get one of these coffee table albums. I have a tendency to hold tight on my expensive personal items and I can see myself paying a lot for an album, wrapping it in a felt bag and packing it away in a fireproof lockbox. Unfortunately with this scenario, no one will ever look at it, including me, and then really, what’s the point of paying a few hundred dollars for an album?

Now, safe-keeping is a great idea. But … I want to look at my album, and I want my kids* to be able to look at my album, and my family and neighbors and maybe even the mailman, if he stops by to drop off a package. I am a little torn between preserving it for posterity, but at the same time, I save a lot of things for posterity. I want my album to be on display for everyone to see, admire, and relive the moments of my wedding.

The coffee table albums feature a style of photography called photojournalism. It is the opposite of the posed, traditional shots. It is a nice modern twist and because of the way the pictures are blended into each other, it seems like you get a better display of the whole wedding and because the photojournalistic style captures more candid emotion, the album ends up looking less staged.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against the staged, group photos. BELIEVE me … I have a whole list of them planned. But, I also can’t wait to see all the candid shots from my wedding day. I really like when photos capture un-staged, unplanned, emotion, because, those are the “real” moments.

If you are interested, ask your photographer about these new “coffee table” albums. You can choose from a variety of covers, metal, fabric, etc … and the inside pages have different templates, some more modern than others.

I’m just choosing not to think about the fact that this awesome album is a slight “upgrade” of at least three hundred dollars. But really, totally not thinking about that right now.

*the hypothetical “some-day” kids….

One of the local blogs I read is Adventures in Wedding Photography (AWP). AWP is, herself, a wedding photographer. She writes occasionally about the ups and downs of dealing with brides!

Can you think of a better way to get some inside secrets about how to treat your photographer? Last Thursday AWP wrote specifically about why it is important to remember what you promised in your contract and, FEED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER. They need food to give them energy to keep going and do a GOOD JOB photographing your wedding. You don’t want your photog to have a low-blood-sugar-induced-headache and just not feel like getting the great shots. You are paying them a LOT of money, so be kind, be considerate. They are doing a job for you that you will cherish for a long, long time, or at least while the marriage lasts. Help them help you. Be kind. You with me here?

Some caterers and venues have a special meal that they will make for you at a discount specifically for your vendors. Some vendors want to eat what you are eating. This is a common issue and should be addressed before you sign your contract. But, if for some reason you didn’t discuss this earlier and are worried, have no fear, call your photographer and ask them. It is important to remember all around that your wedding will go more smoothly if you communicate with the vendors and everyone involved. Also, if you are worried about each added expense, and dude! I am! … relax, some vendors, like my DJ, only ask for water and a soda, which is not much of an expense at all.

I’m glad that AWP wrote about this because I had sort of forgotten that I needed to feed them, I have every intention of feeding them, but eek! I think I need to send them an invitation so they can send back the reply card and indicate which meal they want.

Moral: Be open-minded. Be fair. Be considerate. Discuss with your vendors before your big day, whether or not they would like some food or beverages during the event. It’s just the right thing to do.

I. FOUND. IT.

SEEEEEE!!!

…and then, immediately dialing my MIL!!!!

At some point in the wedding planning process you will sit back, take a breath and wonder when it was exactly that the wedding industry got together and decided to find about a gagillion more ways to make you want to spend money on things that you just MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW!

It dawned on me this morning that ya’ll don’t really know who I am and what I look like. Well, thanks to our fabulous photograhers on the West Coast of Florida, AJ Mills Photography we have this awesome engagement picture which will be placed in a signature mat to be signed as a guest book at our reception.

This little “extrie” is courtesy of our photographers, Joe and Susanne.

Here we are. Me, and Marc.