Wedding Tactics

I recently met a new mother through a good friend of mine and we exchanged contact information. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had given me her maiden name, not her married name. I am told she plans to change her name any day now. Thing is? She’s been married for over two years now.

When I got married I changed my last name the first full day I was home from the honeymoon.

So did two friends of mine. We all married under the age of thirty, some of us closer to it than others. And neither of us had made a seriously substantial name for ourselves in our respective careers.

Of course, there are some other things that change after you get married. To read more about what you might want to consider, dread or even look forward to, click here.

So what’s the deal these days on changing your name? Keeping your last name? Or, the ultimate, taking on a new name without letting go of the old one.

Regardless of the reasons for changing your name, it is best to start with the Social Security Administration.

For some, its a matter of letting go of the past and all that is attached to a name. It can also be a chance to become someone else, a new you perhaps, or it can just signify that your new roles, wife, spouse, perhaps even mother?

Some people want a name that is easier to spell, easier to pronounce, or one less or even more conspicuous, hinting towards an ethnic background or religious affiliation. And for some it is just a question of tradition, establishing yourself in your newly created family.

I’m curious, did you change your name after you got married? If so, how soon did you make the change?

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

It is Monday morning and I’m wondering what all the couple who got married this weekend, particularly yesterday, are doing today.

I got married on a Sunday in May and spent Monday having brunch with my in-laws and some guests. Some people who have a lot of out of town guests opt to have one more chance for family and friends to gather. Usually in the form of a brunch or an all-day-eating-stop-by-on-your-way-out-of-town kind of thing.

By no means is this necessary and if you choose to cater then you are realistically looking at a few more hundred dollars.

This can be a very nice time for the newlywed couple to actually relax and visit with some of their wedding guests. However, it can also just be one more major hurdle to cross before you get to the wonderous relaxation that is, your honeymoon.

My wedding is over.

I have been married for eleven days.

I have honeymooned and returned to the eye-ticking, irritating pace of having to go back to work tomorrow.

My wedding was very totally awesome! All my planning was well worthwhile. I had more fun that I ever expected to have. I ate my entire dinner. I danced a hell of a lot! There were kisses and hugs and dancing and the cake was so damn good - and you know so many times wedding cakes just taste like cardboard.

I am full of positive experiences and lessons learned and assvice from an amateur-turned-pro. No seriously. I’m not going to write about how I have had a wedding therefore I KNOW weddings. I am going to spend the next few weeks writing about my wedding, my planning experiences, my lessons learned, with the hope that it helps someone else. I will tell stories and post pictures and share my emotions of the day, the days before the wedding and the honeymoon - from planning it to what to expect and how much time to allow between international connections on American Airlines when traveling through Miami Airport. GOD.

Before my wedding I used certain days of the week to write certain topics and I wasn’t so thrilled with that. I’ve been feeling too confined and there were times when I wasn’t able to write what I wanted because I couldn’t make it work with a Trend or Tradition or Question-Answer.

I will leave you now with some pictures. If you are getting married before I am able to post of all of my lessons learned, most of all … have fun. I cannot emphasize this enough. And I know you are rolling your eyes at me because! Of course you will have fun at your wedding. In the hours leading up to your wedding, there is not much you can do. The flowers will or will not show up. The cake will or will not be delivered. Most likely, your guests are in town and are getting dressed for the event or taking a much needed nap. I suppose this all works well with careful pre-wedding planning.

I will also talk a lot about what people told me, especially the bold-lettered articles in all the seventeen pound magazines that consist of five hundred pages of advertisements and three articles that say: Make your wedding reflect your personal style and taste. What if you don’t know your personal style? I thought I did, but as time went on I learned a lot more about myself. I will share the details of what worked for me. Scheduling, vendor relationships, travel, timetables, family issues, ohmyholyhell, the family issues!

I am thrilled to be married. I really am. Marc and I spent at least three days calling each other “wife” and “husband”. We were giddy with what we had just done. We still are. Each day still feels sort of new. We have lived together for two years, owned a house together for six months, gotten pregnant a month before the wedding, but, this does feel new. There is a higher level of commitment and authority and respect and a whole new awesome sense of belonging to each other, our new family, and our old respective families. Speaking of the “new” … I will make sure I spend an entire entry on the issue of name changing. I am totally in the middle of changing my name right now. My new social security card is in the mail. My bank knows me as Stacy Kravitz. But, I can still deposit checks made out to Stacy Ochsman. WTF?

Oh! My ceremony. Amazing. Beautiful.

Surprises? Nothing bad I can think of.

Good? One of our best friends made a video of our entire ceremony and reception. We haven’t seen it yet, but we had no idea he was going to do this.

I have many details to share and hopefully, many readers to re-lure.

Pictures? Anyone…?

And finally … some of the fun,

Dear Loyal Readers and not-so-loyal readers (aka: lurkers),

I apologize for the lack of postings and the short postings that I attempted to make into something cohesive. I regret dropping the ball on you and the ongoing themes I discuss here. But, life really got in the way. As I write this I’m reminded how much I enjoy blogging and as soon as my wedding and honeymoon are over, I promise to return full force with total wedding gusto!

However, for now, my wedding day has just about arrived! I traveled from Maryland to Florida this morning, rented a car, drove an hour, had a dress fitting, and then worked on a million and one details and … I’m actually feeling really good about everything and I wanted to mention a few things I have learned, just today!

I have always heard that you should mention to everyone and anyone that you are on your honeymoon, or that something is for your wedding, as you never know when a free upgrade is right around the corner. Well! No kidding! It does work!!

I arrived at the airport this morning at around 8:45am. I reported to Marc that I would carry all of my bags. He laughed and went to get a Smarte Carte. While he was twenty feet away from me, I opened the trunk and said very loudly in open-jawed fashion, I have FOUR BAGS!? And, ya’ll? That’s four CHECKED bags, not counting the purse and backpack as carry-on.

I loaded up the cart and wheeled myself through the line at the Southwest counter. I was smiling from ear to ear, thinking, I’m leaving town for my wedding! The only thing potentially spoiling the mood was the man behind me whose idea of personal space was something akin to the stampede at Best Buy when they open the doors at 3am on Christmas Eve to sell Wii machines for five dollars to the first seven people inside the door.

When I got to the counter, I was very pleasant and friendly, cause, you know, if you didn’t notice yet, I’m going to my wedding! I then decided to make a joke out of myself, there is no way I’m going to get away with checking FOUR damn bags.

I handed the lady my credit card and then told her that I only travel this light when I’m going to my wedding. She laughed and handed me back my credit card and said, “Consider it an early wedding gift, congratulations.” Free. Totally escaped a $50 per bag charge for my extra two bags. SCORE!

At this point I decided that whoring myself for free and discounted wedding items was beyond worthwhile.

I later shamelessly flirted with the car rental attendant and it got me an awesome blue convertible Mustang and some heavy duty pats on the back to my ego - the *dude totally fell all over himself telling me how lucky my finance was and how sad it was that I was going to be off the market. I told him I was sending a sympathy card and that men all over creation would manage somehow now that I’m almost officially “taken”.

Speaking of “taken” … I’m looking forward to it. I had a brief moment today, and I do mean brief, because mainly, I didn’t actually time to think for myself. The passing idea of how did I get here? Am I sure? What am I doing? But it passed and I really am excited and thrilled to be moving forward with my life with Marc. I honestly do not have any cold feet.

*Rich - Wink Wink!!

I just received one of my last symbolic I-am-a-bride-to-be items. In today’s mail? The June/July 2007 issue of Modern Bride. I don’t quite know if I will miss it. Although, I assume I they will keep coming to me, but then I’ll use them for research and your entertainment.

In reading through this issue I marked a few pages with interesting ideas that I will visit here over the next few weeks.

One thing that caught my eye was a question posed to all readers in the last issue and answered in this issue with many different ideas. Like most readers, I suppose I can understand both sides of the argument, but, I’m more fascinated by what it says about brides.

Modern Bride posed the following readers: I requested two things of my bridesmaids; that they wear their hair up and get a French manicure. A few seem annoyed. Am I being too controlling?

I now invoke the my blog, my opinion rule and tell you that I think this is asking a bit much. However, all brides and weddings are as individual as the guests attending. My overly explained opinion is this; a bride has a right to has her bridesmaids to do anything specific of her choosing, but her bridesmaids also have the option of chosing NOT to cooperate and then, above said bride, should understand that her demands prohibited her friend from being a part of her wedding.

Brides across the world are known for occasionally being overbearing bitches who care way too much about the decorations and the manicures. I have always written from the standpoint that it matter more what you say and do in your ceremony than what you dance to at the concluding party. I say this because the GOAL of the day is that a marriage, hopefully healthy and longlasting one is formed. I will admit that there are times in the midst of planning a wedding where you lose sight of the goals ahead. Dealing with vendors and parents and family issues can be ridiculously trying and stressful. However, my final point, while a bride certainly has a right to make demands for her wedding, she must, must do so knowing the potential consequences that may arise.

In exactly two weeks from this MOMENT, I will be dancing at my own wedding.

I will have already cut the cake.

I will be wearing my wedding ring.

I will have danced with my Dad. (Waaaaaa! I’m SO emotional on this one! I can’t wait)

Marc and I will have two more hours of fun and dancing and talking until we head out into the moonlight in out decorated getaway car.

I’m so thrilled I am glowing. I don’t know how I will maintain any composure this week at work. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to think straight.

VICE PRESIDENT OF STACY’s COMPANY: Stacy, can you please summarize this report and email a copy to me the CEO?

ME: I’m getting married in less than 2 weeks!

VICE PRESIDENT: Um, great, can I have that by 3pm?

ME: MARRIED! VEIL! DRESS! THE BRIDE! ME… AM THE BRIDE!

VICE PRESIDENT: noticably concerned and mildy frustrated The sooner you can focus on that the better.

ME: … thinks to self, must call pet sitting service because AM GETTING MARRIED

If you can’t manage to follow this posting you are very much not alone. Very soon you will have postings that might actually HELP YOU! Once I return to this planet and get over my own damn swollen ego about getting married, I will be a better writer and advocate for all.

In the mean time, feel free to check out a new site, Saving for a Wedding.

On Monday night I sat up late working on some postings for this week, including a Trends on Tuesday post. Alas! I was so tired and consumed with everything else in the world that I mistyped the date to schedule my posting. Seriously folks, I do apologize.

However, this is now Wednesday and Trends on cross my mind on Tuesdays … so you’ll have a bang up Trends entry next week. Okay?

I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about what I needed to post about in the coming days and weeks. As we get closer, and I do mean, seriously closer! Like, Holy Hell! I’m getting married in twenty-four days! I’ve spent some time reflecting back over the planning process and I have identified areas and times when I wish I had been stronger and more assertive and many times when I shouldn’t haven’t cared at all because, things really do work out in time.

It wasn’t until last weekend when we met with our Rabbi to discuss the procession of our wedding party and the ceremony. We talked about what traditions we wanted to honor and what we wanted recognized and said. It was the most calm I had been in all nine months of planning. I finally felt free to really not care, not just say I didn’t care about what the flowers looked like. The only thing that matters at the end of May 20th is that I get to marry Marc. I honestly don’t care if the tables are ugly or the food is served cold. It matters not to me. If I have guests to whom it does matter, I don’t want to be friends with them. You don’t go to a wedding to give a wedding, for that matter, to impress other people. Save your money! Buy a home!

But seriously, I felt very good to get to this point. All I really have left to do is choose a photo package, which means choosing between spending $2700 and $3500. Eeek! But, do I want 300 or 400 proof shots? Do I NEED 400? Do I need five 5×7 shots or just one 11×14? Ahhh! Decisions! However there really isn’t a “wrong” one.

I still have to write out the timeline for the day of the wedding so that I can stop telling everyone exactly where they need to be and why they need to be at the damn house, dressed at 2:30 in the afternoon.

Somehow I know it will all come together.

Somehow I know it will all work.

Somehow, it doesn’t matter too much, just take pictures, marry me, and eat cake!

I just completed my third and final planning weekend in Florida.

This weekend I got my marriage license. Basically, I COULD take it to any justice of the peace in Florida’s Manatee County and get married at any moment. Or, I will wait until May 20.

Marc got measured for his tuxedo. I had another dress fitting. We met with our Rabbi and put together our ceremony which is really nice and we are really excited for that part.

I still have many schedules and lists and plans to put together. I have to talk with our photographers and our DJ to go over some specifics. At this point in the planning, we are just ready for the event to be here. We want our big day! I’m tired of planning. Tired of worrying. Tired of debating and tired of costs. We just want to get married and be with the people we care about most in the world. We really don’t care what the centerpieces look like. We just. want. to. be. married.

And … on our way to Jamaica!

It is very common for an engaged couple to seek counseling prior to their marriage. Some states are now requiring several hours of a premarital class or clergy-guided counseling in order to be granted a marriage license.

You know something? It’s probably not a bad idea.

Traditionally, when clergy, a Rabbi, Priest, Minister, etc … marry you, you spend some time with them prior to the wedding to just talk things over. They may ask you about your future career and family plans and just listen and watch you interact as a couple. Also, the person marrying you often likes to get a feel for the union they are about to be blessing. One of the major duties of all clergy members is to provide emotional and spiritual support to their congregants. Since marriage is a monumental life change usually occurring in a religious setting, or conducted by a religious leader, it is very fitting that couples seek some sort of counseling prior to the wedding day.

If you are not marrying in a state that requires this premarital counseling or, if you opt not to participate, you can take this handy little test and let your partner grade it. This is mostly for fun and entertainment – a ‘la Mad Libs. But! There is some very useful insights to be gained by taking this little test.

Each of these books is about $5.95 and available on Amazon.com and in most large book stores.

While counseling isn’t a major tradition, perhaps it should be. What do you think? Unfortunately, many marriages end in divorce, if we made counseling more of a “tradition” … perhaps it could save a few marriages and keep a few families together.

A good friend recently told me a story that the Rabbi who married her told them.

The Rabbi said, You don’t really know your spouse until after you are married. You may have lived together, may have known them for years, but you don’t actually KNOW them until after you are married.

I’m not sure I agree with the statement, but others have vouched for its validity.

Several loyal readers have asked me write about the emotional side of getting married. I have only touched on this issue a few times and not for lack of content but rather for sheer and utter amazement that ohmygod! I’m getting married and I am no longer a single person making decisions only for myself and HOLYSHIT!? i have to share my bathroom too!? and my bed?! forever!? And, what? a joint account? I prefer the word joint to usually not be followed by anything except a few minutes of intense calm.

It is my experience that men and women adapt to these life-altering social changes in very different ways that are rather gender-specific. Without launching into my soap-box-like pontification of how the genders relate to each other in marriage and relationships, I will just say that for the most part, women feel they are giving up some independence, gaining some financial security, and someone else’s laundry to wash, while men tend to be far more concerned with being able to provide, having enough money, and having enough time for sports.

If you notice, in this entry, there is no mention of sex or intimacy within the marriage, as it is well known, that once you are married, those concepts are mutually exclusive and cannot in a world where George Bush was elected president for eight years, coexist.

Over the past few months, as the wedding date has gotten closer and closer, and today, it is 32 days from now, Marc and I have gone through some wonderful periods of happiness and togetherness and also some seriously angry screaming matches about how much money was spent on a turkey sandwich at lunch. Eventually, all the kinks do get worked out.

The most important thing to remember is that all of the ups and downs are very normal. A marriage is a relationship between two people who need to remain independent, but also they must sacrifice a part of their selfishness in order to be conscious of another person living so closely to them. Each couple works this out differently. Some have date nights with just the two of them, some have standing plans to see other friends several times a week and some maintain separate bank accounts, but whatever the level of shared property and time, the couple must learn to coexist peacefully and cooperatively, without losing themselves completely.

Above all else, a healthy marriage is based on cooperation, consideration, kindness, respect, and love. No one expects perfection all of the time, but keep talking, and keep listening to each other, and … in my humble opinion, try to sit down to dinner together, as a family at least a few times a week. These planned together times really can help. If there is any one thing you can do to make your partner know that you care, listen. Be a good listener. If you aren’t now, learn how to do it. If your partner feels “heard” it will make a big difference.

And, an occasional beer never hurts!

One month, one week and two days.

One month, nine days.

Thirty-eight days.

No matter how you say it? It’s all the same really.

There is good news and bad news at this point. I went onto TheKnot.com and printed my To-Do list. It is ONLY two pages! Whoo Hooo! That is the good news.

The bad news? I have a two-page To-Do list!

I went through my binder last night to weed out the unnecessary information. I no longer need any paperwork about my invitations because they have been sent and all but four people replied. Those four people who never sent the reply card back? I put a curse on you! May your socks fall down into your shoes and my you have a massive front-of-your-head cowlick for a whole year.

So, as I was toss all these great pictures I had printed for “ideas” into the circular filing bin, I was sad that I no longer needed ideas but was quickly, very quickly reminded that I don’t need “ideas” because I have already made a million and one decisions and I only need to keep the ONE picture of my hair style, and ONE picture of my dress. I don’t need seven sheet covers back-to-back of potential bouquets because I have already chosen mine. And it will be … fine.

Prior to this wedding planning experience I was not a good decision maker. I mean, I chose to buy a house with Marc and I am certain of my decision to marry him, but the little ones, like, should the dining room table have placemats or a tablecloth would drive me totally insane. It’s the OCD tendency to doubt oneself. I am not usually committed to certain outfits or to hairstyles and sometimes I even wonder if my engagement ring looks better on my right hand?

This process has forced me to make choices and live with them. I definitely want a nice wedding, but a five thousand dollar floral bill does not a nice wedding make. What makes the occasion special is the feeling, the company, the guests, what you say and how you say it. It matters so much more what I saw in my vows than what I spend on the centerpieces.

My mother-in-law saw a wedding in my venue a few months ago and reported to me that they had big tall centerpieces with arrangements of calla-lilies. I knew that callas would be way beyond what I wanted to spend. I knew that I didn’t care what people thought about the room, or what they thought about me based on their guess of what I spent to entertain them. A wedding is not about entertaining your guests or impressing your guests.

STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX NOW …

… …

…

Sometimes I need to write things like this to remind myself that $700 on cake is outrageous but at this point, I just need to accept it. And hope for the biggest damn piece they cut!

Dear Stacy,

I’m a little early in my wedding planning but I have an important issue that is really stressing me out. My parents and my fiancée’s parents are very different. I am from Nebraska; my parents are career-farmers. My fiancée, ironically, was born and raised in Manhattan and his parents are NYC socialites. Both families are coming to visit us, in Washington, DC for Easter this coming weekend and we don’t know where to go for dinner or what to do with them during the day because they are just SO different. Please! Suggest something or send magic fairy dust.

Ok. Hum. Yes, this is a very valid issue and you are NOT the first bride to face this cultural gap. I do think it is rockin’ awesome that you and your fiancée are from such totally different backgrounds. Instead of focusing on the differences, celebrate the diversity that you two represent as a couple.

As far as your parents are concerned, chances are they are both very happy with their lives. They are living where they want to live, and doing what they want to be doing. They are both happy couples. So they won’t be discussing the growing season, late frost, or the latest trend on Park Avenue, but they do have you all in common. They both adore their children and are happy to see them moving along in life. Chances are they will be interested in each other and find each other’s facade to be not as intimidating as you are anticipating.

Also, stay focused on what is important. Are you talking about the wedding? Budget? Location? If so, have an outline of what needs to be decided THIS WEEKEND and what is just being put on the table for discussion. If you do not want to mention something, like, budget yet, you and your fiancée should each tell your respective parents before they arrive in town that you would like to avoid certain topics over the weekend. Most likely, they will respect your choices.

Where activities and restaurants are concerned … keep it neutral. Don’t want your Dad cheering about the Confederacy at the American History museum? Go to the Natural History Museum. Take a tour of the Capitol. Visit the Cherry Blossoms or a memorial. Try to visit places you are familiar with and you will feel more at ease and “in your own territory”.

Above all else, enjoy the time as three adult couples. This is a new time in your life. It is special, different, and full of change and emotions. Be in the moment. Don’t worry any more than you absolutely have to because it will all work out.

The emotional side of a wedding and an engagement isn’t often mentioned. I happened to pick up a book on an end-cap sale rack a few months ago and started reading it. At the time, I didn’t really understand all the things it was saying, but over time, and after I pulled myself out of a bad month-long depression, I realized, I AM what this book is talking about.

I really recommend this book because it helped me understand why there were times when I wasn’t happy about getting married. Combining finances was SO difficult for me. At the time we did this, it seemed that no one understood. None of my friends were in that position. It was very hard to explain that I felt like I was losing control and independence but gaining financial security. It took awhile before watching my paycheck go to different accounts became second nature. Just recently, a friend of mine was combining finances with her soon-to-be-husband and she was complaining about the same feeling of losing something but gaining something else. This is really normal, just, no one talks about this because they are took busy asking what your dress looks like. Brides need to understand they are not alone. Planning a wedding can be fun and trying, but getting married is a HUGE change in lifestyle. You can’t expect to be happy about each change immediately, especially when there is a loss of control before the benefits kick in.

I highly recommend this book for any new bride-to-be, or even a recent bride who is just married.

I’m getting married in 52 days.

And, yes, I’m totally excited and YES! totally stressed.

What about? You ask.

Everything. I’m worried about leaving my pets with a pet-sitter for two and a half weeks. I can’t decide between having my mail held and having my pet-sitter/house-sitter pick up my mail. I am concerned that I will forget to bring my garter (which is SO cool by the way, of course, pictures AFTER the wedding) with me to Florida. Just this past weekend someone started talking about the rain/inclimate weather alternatives … and after I stopped hyperventilating and sweating I calmly retorted, “Fine. I agree. Have a plan. Don’t tell me what it is or anything about it. If you have to move things because of rain, that’s fine. I don’t want to know until the day of the wedding, because then I won’t care, I’ll just want to be married.”

The being calm? Felt great.
The not caring? Even more great.

It’s a real toss up between freaking-out and not caring but I figure it will all work out in the end.

After the flowers have been chosen and the food options tasted, the dress altered and the tuxedo rentals secured, the plane tickets purchased and the hotel blocks reserved, the ketubah waiting for me in Sarasota and the kippots ordered there is a definite release of stress as you cross these items off of your MUST-DO list. However, you might remember that you still haven’t had a second meeting with the Rabbi, and you still need to arrange for your parents flights to the wedding destination and you want to lose five more pounds and avoid a stress-related break-out, you start to feel that rapid-heartbeat Oh-Shit feeling returning to your every waking step.

Getting married is a huge, life-changing event. Even if you have lived with your partner, there are new levels of shared property and space. At this point, I am really excited. I do waiver between being stressed and being blasé about the details. I think that is normal.

Slowly you become closer to your partner. Slowly the families accept your wedding choices. As the entire event starts to come together, you might even find yourself sitting back and smiling. At least until a distant relative who calls you and wants to know if they can bring their children and babies to the wedding and if the food is kosher and the fish wild-caught.

See? I can still laugh and drive at the same time. In fact, I was on the way to my hair and make-up trial when this was taken. And, I had just saved $500 on my florals. Total score!

wedding stress, bride, ketubah, kippot, pet-sitter, wedding, wedding tactics