Wedding Tactics

I write frequently about what guests should wear to be dressed accordingly for a wedding. I think this is a very real issue for guests. At least it has been a huge debate for me in the past when I’ve had to attend a wedding. Weddings are big events often very see and been seenand it matters what you wear as a guest.

If you aren’t sure if the wedding is formal, semi-formal, or black-tie, it IS OKAY to call a host and find out. The best way to find out these details is to ask the mother of the bride or a bridesmaid. Of course, if you are close friends with the bride, she shouldn’t mind the call and will appreciate you asking, but in most cases contact a close family member or a bridal attendant for these little etiquette issues.

Here are some tips to follow in you need a quick reference guide:

Do’s and Don’ts for the Ladies

* Don’t wear white because it competes with the bride.
* Black and sequins are not appropriate for daytime weddings.
* It is OKAY if you are wearing the same color as the maids and moms … come on, you can’t be responsible for finding out what everyone is wearing and it really doesn’t matter.
* Be feminine, appropriate, and respectful in what you wear.
* Don’t wear anything overtly sexy.
* No clubwear.
* A pastel suit or soft floral dress for daytime or a little black dress for evening (after 6 p.m.) will take you almost anywhere.

Do’s and Don’ts for the Guys

* For men, the solutions are simple, a black tux, white shirt and black bow tie is considered the mainstream accepted dress.
* In trendier cities like New York and LA variation in the color of a tie is more accepted.
* Wear a dark suit and tie if the wedding is after 6 PM, and doesn’t say “Black Tie.”
* Don’t wear a tuxedo during the day time unless the event is specifically extremely formal.
* Do use good judgment if the invitation doesn’t specify the formality of the event. A dark suit and conservative tie will take you just about anywhere. Or…. ASK!

The invitation arrived in the mail a month ago and you just sent back the reply card with a check next to will attend and chicken. You mark your calendar blackberry and head to your closet or the nearest department store to decide what to wear.

You might start to think to yourself that it IS easier to be in the wedding party because then you don’t have to choose your own clothes. There are a few simple rules to follow to ensure that you do not stick out like a sore thumb for being over or under dressed, or the lady with the stupid hat. The idea is to be dressed appropriately for the event, time of day, location and most of all, wear something that compliments your body, or really, doesn’t make you look like a whore. It is, after all, somebody’s wedding.

WOMEN:

A short dress or not-too-business like suit is acceptable for a casual or semi-formal daytime wedding. For an evening wedding, informal or semi-formal, think: country club, garden wedding, pool or lakeside, a cocktail dress is called for. If the wedding takes place midday and is formal, think: a VIP wedding, suits and dresses are appropriate and hats and gloves are optional, a la Jackie Kennedy. Evening and black-tie events dictate a long dress or a fancy short cocktail dress stepped up with glitzy accessories or a shoulder wrap. They may be few and far between, but a white tie ultra formal event calls for a long gown and extra glam like furs, and rented diamond jewelery.

MEN:

During the day a man should wear a dress shirt, pants and a sports coat. A suit is best for an evening wedding or a formal daytime wedding. You are safer if the suit is dark in color. A light colored suit is acceptable for a lakeside or beach wedding. I hope I don’t need to say, SUIT AND TIE. Please, please tell me that it implied that when I say wear a suit you know I mean, suit and tie. If you are attending a nighttime wedding or the invitation specifies black-tie, men should wear a tuxedo.

If you want to read more about how what is expected of a wedding guest and how to be a gracious guest, click here.

I’ve been writing for Wedding Tactics for a full year now. When I started maintaining this site I didn’t know what it would become and how long I’d be writing. In fact, at the time, 451 Press was still just getting off the ground. In fact, its been pretty amazing watching the network grow along with my site.

My first posting discussed the differences between a marriage and a wedding. The first few months following this entry I used the planning of my own wedding as a guide for what to write about.

A few times I mentioned the issues in gaining a new set of parents and specifically, the mother-in-law.

I wrote a lot about dresses and veils and accessories.
And for a few months I had featured columns on certain days of the week, Trends on Tuesday and Traditions Thursday. I used these headlines as a means to explain traditions like the tossing of the garter.

April was a very popular month on this site. My stats went thru the roof, but that was a very popular wedding time of year. I get asked frequently about the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue thing. The meaning and its history are detailed here.

One of my all-time favorite posting was about what guests should wear to a wedding. I noticed during the Spring months that several clothing stores were featuring lines of dresses for wedding guests. This is a good guide to style options depending on the wedding venue.

I got married in May. Then, I started a new job in June and my postings got a bit less frequent for awhile. Meanwhile, I did profile some great summer wedding themes.

As the year went on I tried to focus on all the different issues surrounding weddings, including mens clothing, or, tuxedos and a few funny stories too, like this one about a guy who lost his wedding ring.

And, finally, the most recent repeating column, Wedding Tactics: On Location, features vendors and venues in random cities. By featuring actual wedding business providers across the nation, I hope that readers from all states will be attracted to read and follow along and also to ask questions and participate in the Wedding Tactics dialogue. The On-Location feature can be seen here, here and here. And also here.

Thanks to all the readers who made this a successful year for me and 451 Press. I look forward to another even better year here.

Happy New Year!

Fall weddings have become increasingly popular lately. 13% of couples are now married in the month of October alone. Depending on your locale, September is a very common month too.

During this season people start thinking more about family and home and being together. This makes for a cozy and romantic wedding.

A common worry about fall weddings is unpredictable weather. Read here for ideas of how to have backup plans that don’t take over the actual plan.

Some potential venues for a fall wedding include country inns, old churches or meeting houses, old barns and restored mills. These weddings have a rustic but casually elegant feel. If you want to incorporate nature and the outdoors, look for orchards and vineyards.
If you just like the feel of the season but want to stay inside, consider a gentleman’s club or university club that has dark wood floors and fireplaces.

Traditional fall color schemes are red, orange, yellow and brown. If you want to keep it more simple and less like a kids coloring book of the seasons, choose one color above, like a dark chocolate color and highlight it with punches of bright yellow or burnt orange, or even a very spring color such as pink. Brown with blue and pink is tremendously popular in the wedding world these days.

If you are keeping with the season for inspiration, consider serving roast turkey, quail and squash soup a baked apple dessert and pumpkin spiced cider.

If you really don’t like the fall colors but enjoy the season, choose a timeless scheme like black and white.
If you are attending a fall wedding and want to be seasonal, consider a dress like one of these for a formal wedding.