Wedding Tactics

A loyal reader recently wrote in about not getting to the chapel in time, so to speak. She and her fiance have postponed and now rescheduled their wedding because one of them needed to have surgery. All healed and ready to walk the aisle, they are confused about how to convert their first planned early-summer wedding to a December wedding without looking very last season.

It is important to remember not to be too saddened by the loss of your Spring wedding. You can create something you love just as much and with a little thought and assistance from ME, the unofficial wedding planner.

My two favorite options for winter weddings are the snow-scape inspired drenched in winter white flowers, candles and twinkling lights, something a’la Preston Bailey, OR, take advantage of the richness and bold colors that the season naturally provides and go with darker, richer colors like purples, burgandys and dark greens. There is no rule against a pastel pink wedding in December, so if these options just don’t work for you, do what you want and it will turn out beautiful.

I browsed through many galleries to find some darker flower bouquets that I can see being the highlight of a wintertime wedding.

If you like purples and blues, consider a bouquet of purple orchids. Orchids are more readily available, read: less expensive in certain parts of the country. Try to be a little flexible with your choices, unless price is no obstacle to you.

I think this is a really earthy-looking bouquet, but from a distance, the sunflowers have a fuzzy look that makes me think of dried flowers, which we see in the fall and winter. This bouquet also uses some some bright pink roses to offset the rich browns of the sunflowers.

If your dream bouquet for your Spring-Summer wedding looked like this one below, consider carrying a bouquet that uses only some of the flowers.

Original Choice.

Alternate Option No. 1

Alternate Option No. 2

Alternate Option No.3

If you really don’t like the shades of red and purple above, consider using a deep blue color. These hydrangeas work with all seasons and you can accent them with many colors and patterns too.

Some brides are very concerned about their color palate, but I wouldn’t advise turning yourself in knots. If you choose a few colors or items that are important to you, like, for example, your bouquet, you can build the rest of the wedding around that. You can pull in greenery to your ceremony in your bouquet, or on the chairs or arch or chuppah. Just because you use elaborate flowers in your bouquet doesn’t mean your centerpieces need to match.

It is okay to have a $200 bouquet for yourself and spend $40 on your centerpieces. Just remember, candle light is an excellent and very inexpensive addition to any table. The warm glow matches any season and especially, in this case, the flame gives off a sense of warmth, a nice touch for a December wedding.

winter, wedding, preston bailey, dark reds, blue, bouquet

If you like this bouquet, and are planning a wedding in the Seattle, Washington area, consider contacting Lynne Dillon at Dillon Designs.

seattle, florist, wedding, bouquet

Eeek! It has been way too long since an actual posting, but, ya’ll, I swear to ya I was out doing field research.

Really!

I went to a wedding this weekend in Philadelphia. Out in the suburbs at the Green Valley Country Club. It was quite elegant, sophisticated and very traditional and well put together. I am pretty sure the bride had significant planning assistance from her mother, but that is neither here nor there. While these people are my friends, I can’t critique the wedding as I would if I didn’t know them, but I do honestly think everything went off quite well and without a hitch. I don’t know the reasoning behind certain things, so I will just give my opinions as an outsider looking in.

The wedding was scheduled for 7:30 on Saturday evening which gave me, a guest plenty of time to get sunburned all afternoon sitting by the pool. I did appreciate the down time, but I think a staple in the hotel gift bag should be sunscreen!

The ceremony began on time, inside in half of the main ballroom. The other half was already set up for the dinner to follow. This is one of the main drawbacks, if you will, of having a country club wedding where you have the ceremony and reception both indoors. If you are using the same room for both parts of the wedding, you will have to provide a cocktail hour for guests so that the staff can do a quick set-up change from ceremony to reception. This is common and places are accustomed to doing this, but be aware that the staff may be setting up the tables and decor, not the florist.

There was a wedding band, and in all honesty, they were the best wedding band I have ever heard. I do imagine that came at quite a cost, however, I had a DJ at my wedding so I cannot compare. If you are having a wedding in the Philly area and are interested in knowing who this band is, please email me, I will happily find out for you.

The cocktail hour food was wuite impressive, a crudite and cracker table, a lamb and roast beef table, a quesadilla stand, and many salads interspersed. Also, top shelf liquor too, including Mt. Gay Rum and Ketel One Vodka. All 220 guests were pleased.

Dinner was equally fabulous, filet mignon and a very good crab cake served over some fabulous risotto. There was a dessert served on top of wedding cake.

The bride and groom sat at a sweetheart table covered in rose petals and mini-centerpieces. The bride even changed shoes mid-reception opting for some glass-slipper look-alike Stuart Weitzman mary janes.

This was definitely a high end wedding, and quite fun to attend.

Tall centerpiece.

Low Centerpiece.

Small accents on every table surrounding the main centerpiece. Oh! And fancy linens too!

green valley country club, philadelphia, wedding, centerpiece, jewish

Dear Stacy,

I am trying to work out the colors for my wedding and bridesmaids. We are planning a garden by the sea ceremony and a beachside reception following. The groom wants to wear a variation of beige. I am not sure what color to dress the bridesmaids in. My gown is ivory. I have light olive skin and the bridesmaids are of a asian darker skin color, quite tanned.

I have always liked outdoor events because you can use so many of the colors already provided in nature. Just build off of the palate already provided to you.

You didn’t specify whether or not the groom wants to wear a beige tuxedo, or a suit or just a beige top. I will try to provide some options regardless of what you were thinking. When you don’t know where to begin or how to mix certain colors, consider looking at a picture of flowers or a centerpiece. Examine the colors given to you by nature.

In this photograph, the florals show a palm frawn in a light green, a blue hydrangea, some green leaves and a soft ivory flower. The stems are most likely brown too. If you were to use this palate to build a bridal party wardrobe, it might include some of the following dresses.

With this brown bridesmaid gown, I would have them carry a small bouquet of blue hydrangea, to match the pictures above. Or, alternatively, pull a color from your bouquet and set a soft floral against the brown. The flowers will really stand out and the look is quite elegant and breathtaking.

This light blue dress matches the blue hygrangea flower above quite well. To keep the image soft and outdoorsy, have the ‘maids carry a small bouquet of ivory flowers such as peonies, roses, hydrangeas, or even callas.

I really love this mossey green dress. Something about the naturalness of the color just speaks to me. Ivory looks stuning next to this color, a plus since your gown is ivory. You have a lot of options with florals because green is visible in most bouquet arrangments. I would have these bridesmaids carry a smaller and simplier version of the bouquet you choose to carry.

Groom in beige Number 1.

As you can see, I based all of these off of the bridal couple in ivory and beige. This beige tuxedo for rent only from Afterhours is very formal and looks great on most men. However, this beige suit below is pictured from a beach front wedding, and while very sharp, is a slightly more casual look.

Groom in Beige Number Two.

bridesmaid dress, beige tuxedo, beige suit, wedding, beach, green, blue, brown, ivory,

While it is not at all required or necessary, it can be helpful if your wedding has a color scheme or a theme to work with. It gives all the vendors something to build around. It helps determine what flowers will work best; unless of course, you KNOW what you want already. It can help you look for exactly what you want, among the myriad of choices and options.

Black and white is a classic theme. It is elegant and sophisticated and can make up for a lack of that in the venue while at the same time, it can enhance an already elegant and fabulous venue. All of the wedding colors can seem intimidating and black and white actually goes with anything, anywhere and at any time of day or year.

Here are some pictures to get you thinking about a black and white theme.

Remember, touches of color are very much okay too.

Bridesmaids in black dresses:

Invitation, black ink on white paper:

Bouquet, keeping with the black and white theme:

Simple centerpieces for a black and white theme wedding:

And, finally, a wedding isn’t a wedding without the cake:
And I couldn’t choose just one!

black and white, wedding theme, black bridesmaid dress, black and white wedding cake, hydrangea centerpiece, calla lily bouquet, wedding, bride

I have been married for just over one month. Actually, tomorrow will be one month and one week. To be honest, my wedding feels like a very faint memory.

I am still extremely excited that my wedding turned out to be so pretty, so simple and so much fun. I don’t really remember what my centerpieces looked like or what anyone wore. I know I had a DJ who was amazing and a staff of vendors who made my needs their ultimate goal.

Aside from the fact that I had a good location, a good couple of vendors and some good weather, all of which are subject to chance, I was not stressed or worried on wedding day at all. I probably wrote about it in advance too; my goal was to stress before the wedding, therefore there wouldn’t be anything left to worry about on the day of the event.
This is just another example of where my obsessive personality came through for me.

I suppose that I would have a larger problem with life if I walked around now saying, “My wedding was great, the centerpieces were so gorgeous!” when in fact, all I keep thinking is that “My wedding was great! I had more fun than I ever could have imagined! I danced, I ate my entire dinner, I talked to all of my relatives and smiled all night long, I could not have imagined a better night.”

If you want to recall your wedding more like I did, plan well and in advance, be flexible for weather mishaps or things you cannot control, like, older guests leaving too early. Choose one or two things that are main goals for the day, such as, getting married and enjoying myself, or getting married and dancing with my Dad. Whatever matters most to you - make that the only thing that matters for the day and you won’t be disappointed.

wedding mishaps, ignoring what can go wrong, preparing for your wedding, how to have a great wedding

Nobody wants to hear or think “Ooops!” on their wedding day, but of course, things happen.

Bad weather. Vendors get stuck in traffic; mix up an order, or worse. Relatives show up late for pictures or an older Aunt is far less mobile than before and she needs assistance getting around the wedding site.

If you think ahead about a few of these issues you can head off the “Ooops” before it happens.

If your wedding is small and you know all your guests this is simple enough to do on your own, if your wedding is over one hundred guests, employee a family member or close friend who knows the guest list to help you consider some of the following.

1. If you have older Grandparents, are they able to walk around and be in the spot you want them to for pictures? If not, choose an alternate site to have pictures with them. Consider allowing them to sit down in the reception area during the cocktail hour so that they can enjoy the party but not have to stand for too long.

2. Supply a bridesmaid or groomsman or relative with a list of the vendors and their contact information in case the cake is late or the DJ isn’t on time, you’ll have someone looking out for these things before the moment the party begins and they can make necessary calls while you are getting ready or having pictures done and it won’t hinder the flow of the main event.

3. Weather. Everyone tells you it is good luck to have rain on your wedding day. Luckily, I did not get to test this theory; however, it is always good to have a back-up plan if your event is outside, or even for parking and walking to the site. Well in advance of the wedding, speak with the events and banquet coordinator at your venue and ask about alternatives for bad weather. Find out when they have to make a decision, for example, if a temporary rain shower moves through the area a few hours before the outdoor ceremony, the arch or chuppah or chairs and decorations will get wet, and most likely, if this is the time of set-up, they won’t be able to set up outdoors. Ask about the options and know what they are. Then - don’t even think twice about it. Because? When it comes to the day of your wedding and you are within hours of walking down the aisle, you can’t worry about those details and hopefully, you are resolved to the notion that the only thing that matters is that you are able to get married. Rule of thumb: Have back-up plans but then don’t fret over them.

Hopefully you won’t have any “Oops” moments on your special day, but if you do, go with the flow. Many times, guests who don’t know what was “supposed to” happen won’t notice the difference and just stay focused on having fun because this is YOUR day.

wedding planning, “oops”, wedding mishaps, bad wedding vendors, planning for problems, how to help older guests, bad weather options

My wedding is over.

I have been married for eleven days.

I have honeymooned and returned to the eye-ticking, irritating pace of having to go back to work tomorrow.

My wedding was very totally awesome! All my planning was well worthwhile. I had more fun that I ever expected to have. I ate my entire dinner. I danced a hell of a lot! There were kisses and hugs and dancing and the cake was so damn good - and you know so many times wedding cakes just taste like cardboard.

I am full of positive experiences and lessons learned and assvice from an amateur-turned-pro. No seriously. I’m not going to write about how I have had a wedding therefore I KNOW weddings. I am going to spend the next few weeks writing about my wedding, my planning experiences, my lessons learned, with the hope that it helps someone else. I will tell stories and post pictures and share my emotions of the day, the days before the wedding and the honeymoon - from planning it to what to expect and how much time to allow between international connections on American Airlines when traveling through Miami Airport. GOD.

Before my wedding I used certain days of the week to write certain topics and I wasn’t so thrilled with that. I’ve been feeling too confined and there were times when I wasn’t able to write what I wanted because I couldn’t make it work with a Trend or Tradition or Question-Answer.

I will leave you now with some pictures. If you are getting married before I am able to post of all of my lessons learned, most of all … have fun. I cannot emphasize this enough. And I know you are rolling your eyes at me because! Of course you will have fun at your wedding. In the hours leading up to your wedding, there is not much you can do. The flowers will or will not show up. The cake will or will not be delivered. Most likely, your guests are in town and are getting dressed for the event or taking a much needed nap. I suppose this all works well with careful pre-wedding planning.

I will also talk a lot about what people told me, especially the bold-lettered articles in all the seventeen pound magazines that consist of five hundred pages of advertisements and three articles that say: Make your wedding reflect your personal style and taste. What if you don’t know your personal style? I thought I did, but as time went on I learned a lot more about myself. I will share the details of what worked for me. Scheduling, vendor relationships, travel, timetables, family issues, ohmyholyhell, the family issues!

I am thrilled to be married. I really am. Marc and I spent at least three days calling each other “wife” and “husband”. We were giddy with what we had just done. We still are. Each day still feels sort of new. We have lived together for two years, owned a house together for six months, gotten pregnant a month before the wedding, but, this does feel new. There is a higher level of commitment and authority and respect and a whole new awesome sense of belonging to each other, our new family, and our old respective families. Speaking of the “new” … I will make sure I spend an entire entry on the issue of name changing. I am totally in the middle of changing my name right now. My new social security card is in the mail. My bank knows me as Stacy Kravitz. But, I can still deposit checks made out to Stacy Ochsman. WTF?

Oh! My ceremony. Amazing. Beautiful.

Surprises? Nothing bad I can think of.

Good? One of our best friends made a video of our entire ceremony and reception. We haven’t seen it yet, but we had no idea he was going to do this.

I have many details to share and hopefully, many readers to re-lure.

Pictures? Anyone…?

And finally … some of the fun,

Summer is a great time to get married - the air is fresh, the days are sunny and long and the flowers are in bloom and full of color!

Here are some examples of the flowers that are readily aviailable and vibrantly full of color for your summer wedding:

Examples of great summer flowers that come in a variety of colors:
Iris:

Lily:

Calla Lily:

Gerber Daisy:

One month, one week and two days.

One month, nine days.

Thirty-eight days.

No matter how you say it? It’s all the same really.

There is good news and bad news at this point. I went onto TheKnot.com and printed my To-Do list. It is ONLY two pages! Whoo Hooo! That is the good news.

The bad news? I have a two-page To-Do list!

I went through my binder last night to weed out the unnecessary information. I no longer need any paperwork about my invitations because they have been sent and all but four people replied. Those four people who never sent the reply card back? I put a curse on you! May your socks fall down into your shoes and my you have a massive front-of-your-head cowlick for a whole year.

So, as I was toss all these great pictures I had printed for “ideas” into the circular filing bin, I was sad that I no longer needed ideas but was quickly, very quickly reminded that I don’t need “ideas” because I have already made a million and one decisions and I only need to keep the ONE picture of my hair style, and ONE picture of my dress. I don’t need seven sheet covers back-to-back of potential bouquets because I have already chosen mine. And it will be … fine.

Prior to this wedding planning experience I was not a good decision maker. I mean, I chose to buy a house with Marc and I am certain of my decision to marry him, but the little ones, like, should the dining room table have placemats or a tablecloth would drive me totally insane. It’s the OCD tendency to doubt oneself. I am not usually committed to certain outfits or to hairstyles and sometimes I even wonder if my engagement ring looks better on my right hand?

This process has forced me to make choices and live with them. I definitely want a nice wedding, but a five thousand dollar floral bill does not a nice wedding make. What makes the occasion special is the feeling, the company, the guests, what you say and how you say it. It matters so much more what I saw in my vows than what I spend on the centerpieces.

My mother-in-law saw a wedding in my venue a few months ago and reported to me that they had big tall centerpieces with arrangements of calla-lilies. I knew that callas would be way beyond what I wanted to spend. I knew that I didn’t care what people thought about the room, or what they thought about me based on their guess of what I spent to entertain them. A wedding is not about entertaining your guests or impressing your guests.

STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX NOW …

… …

…

Sometimes I need to write things like this to remind myself that $700 on cake is outrageous but at this point, I just need to accept it. And hope for the biggest damn piece they cut!

Weddings can put anyone into serious debt and too often, people let this happen. However … here are some great ways to spruce up your event and add some personal touches that will make even the most elite and snobby guest feel honored and entertained.

Instead of the traditional number on table, incorporate some aspect of your theme into your table names and name each table as such. Some couples will put pictures of themselves as children in small frames on the tables to give guests something reminiscent to look at and talk about. If you have an outdoor wedding with an English Garden theme, you can name the tables after flowers and garden plants, such as: Lavender, Lily of the Valley, Violet, Daffodil, Tulip, Rosemary and Daisy. You can even put one long stem of each flower on the table and create a room or patio of English garden flowers.

Make it personal! If one of you is a foodie, for example, name your tables after favorite dishes or food themes. Often a couple will choose to incorporate a favorite family recipe into the wedding meal. This gives an extra personal touch and more meaning to the meal. Guests will love learning about the couple’s likes and each other’s families.

Lavender makes a great centerpiece! If you put a small potted lavender in the center of the table, guests can take them home and plant them, or the couple or the parents can plant them in a garden as a reminder of the event. To avoid re-potting, buy some opaque colored plastic or cellophane wrap in the gift-wrap aisle and wrap the pots and tie with ribbon. Super nice and super cheap!

I’m getting married in 52 days.

And, yes, I’m totally excited and YES! totally stressed.

What about? You ask.

Everything. I’m worried about leaving my pets with a pet-sitter for two and a half weeks. I can’t decide between having my mail held and having my pet-sitter/house-sitter pick up my mail. I am concerned that I will forget to bring my garter (which is SO cool by the way, of course, pictures AFTER the wedding) with me to Florida. Just this past weekend someone started talking about the rain/inclimate weather alternatives … and after I stopped hyperventilating and sweating I calmly retorted, “Fine. I agree. Have a plan. Don’t tell me what it is or anything about it. If you have to move things because of rain, that’s fine. I don’t want to know until the day of the wedding, because then I won’t care, I’ll just want to be married.”

The being calm? Felt great.
The not caring? Even more great.

It’s a real toss up between freaking-out and not caring but I figure it will all work out in the end.

After the flowers have been chosen and the food options tasted, the dress altered and the tuxedo rentals secured, the plane tickets purchased and the hotel blocks reserved, the ketubah waiting for me in Sarasota and the kippots ordered there is a definite release of stress as you cross these items off of your MUST-DO list. However, you might remember that you still haven’t had a second meeting with the Rabbi, and you still need to arrange for your parents flights to the wedding destination and you want to lose five more pounds and avoid a stress-related break-out, you start to feel that rapid-heartbeat Oh-Shit feeling returning to your every waking step.

Getting married is a huge, life-changing event. Even if you have lived with your partner, there are new levels of shared property and space. At this point, I am really excited. I do waiver between being stressed and being blasé about the details. I think that is normal.

Slowly you become closer to your partner. Slowly the families accept your wedding choices. As the entire event starts to come together, you might even find yourself sitting back and smiling. At least until a distant relative who calls you and wants to know if they can bring their children and babies to the wedding and if the food is kosher and the fish wild-caught.

See? I can still laugh and drive at the same time. In fact, I was on the way to my hair and make-up trial when this was taken. And, I had just saved $500 on my florals. Total score!

wedding stress, bride, ketubah, kippot, pet-sitter, wedding, wedding tactics

Rehearsal dinners have recently taken on a life of their own. Once thought to be an event planned for the immediate family as a dinner to follow the actual ceremony rehearsal, they are now larger events that often times rival the wedding itself and include sometimes all of the out of town guests.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is given by the groom’s family. Since this usually happens in the bride’s hometown or the couple’s hometown, which isn’t always where the groom’s family lives, planning can be difficult.

It is always best to start early and look for restaurants that can give you a large private room. Since this is the groom’s family’s chance to give a party, understandably, they may feel they need to produce quite the extravaganza. However! Keep in mind … people are coming to these events to celebrate with you and your family. If they are coming solely for the food or entertainment or comfortable classy experience, then, don’t pay any attention to them. Commonly the meal is buffet with barbeque or cook-out style food because it is suppose to be casual. You make the event what you want it to be.

Rehearsal dinners are almost always a much more relaxed and casual event than the actual wedding the following day. Most people will have just arrived into town if they are coming from other cities and states. Give them a nice meal and some music and a good sense of family. Use the rehearsal dinner to set the mood and tone for the next day. Keep it simple. Think family. Marriage. Love. Friendship.

Frequently at rehearsal dinners the couple will run a slide show of themselves as kids and more recent pictures of them together. Last summer I went to rehearsal dinner where the groom made one for his bride. These are great entertainment pieces because it makes the night very reminiscent for the parents and even guests who didn’t know the couple as children always enjoy seeing cute pictures of the couple before they met.

Toasts are given by the family and the bridal party and thanks are given by the couple. Frequently, the couple will choose this time to give small token gifts to the bridal party and their parents.

The rehearsal dinner is a time to relax. It shouldn’t compete with the wedding the following day, but rather, compliment it by adding more time for the family to be together and mingle.

rehearsal dinner, slide show, wedding, favors, bride, groom

I survived another wedding-planning weekend with my in-laws. I was alone. No Marc to support me and help me through the myriad of decisions and color choices and short or long table cloths.

I have a list of about twenty things to do, buy, make and get to Florida in the next month. I have specific dollar amounts due in three weeks.

I have no been to the gym in over four days. Eeek! My only exercise was an hour long walk yesterday with my in-laws and twenty-minutes of sweating in the hot tub the night before.

I did take pictures. In fact, I took over an hundred pictures of my hair style trial and my make-up trial. I also left them on my camera chip at home. So, I guess you’ll have to wait until May to see them. I will try to give some sort of sneak-preview later in the week.

My dress? The one I was freaked the heck out about having it NOT fit because of some previously mentioned weight loss. It fits me. It needs alterations, but just larger ones than it needed before. Once they alter the halter-top to fit me they will do the hem. It looks so pretty and so, … me. It is very Florida. It is white. It has some beading but is very simple. And, to make my Mom proud, I bought a veil too. And I must admit it is pretty too.

I did a lot of this trying on and getting stuck with pins in the arms while my mother-in-law, my aunt-in-law, and Grandma-in-law watched from the sofa behind me.

Even though I lost a bit of weight, my dress still mostly fits me. I understand the alterations it needs. I still can’t wait to just put it on and have it fit!

My totally rockin’ most proud moment of the weekend was cutting $500 from my floral budget. I choose more orchids which are either native to Florida or easy and inexpensive to get. I stopped JUST looking at certain flowers and looked for other flowers in my colors. I simplified the Chuppah by not having flowers on the back side, but rather, just some greenery. I did not compromise on having an aisle lined with rose petals.

I’m really excited for the big day. I can’t wait to be married and stop planning this shindig. It is scary that some people are so excited for it because it makes me feel as though they have really high expectations for what the event will look like. But, all in all, they’ll get over it. Any real friends and real family members will come to see and celebrate with us, not for the food or to see how much cash we can fork over for flowers.

So. Much. To. Do.

Don’t even mention table assignments! Urgh!