Wedding Tactics

If you have already chosen a date for your wedding you know firsthand what a delicate little woven web it is to avoid offending people, trying to make people happy and manage to get married before the end of the decade. For all you recently engaged couples who are still “thinking it over” and “not yet settled on a date” … here are some tips, pitfalls to look out for and general complaints you can expect to hear.

The wedding over a holiday weekend debate meant that travel would be more expensive but people wouldn’t necessarily have to take as much time off from work. I thought I would feel guilty for taking someone’s intensely coveted three-day weekend. Although, in hindsight, I didn’t think much about it once the date was chosen and the invitations were in the mail. What seems huge today will be a faint memory tomorrow.

I got engaged in July, and I always knew I wanted a Fall wedding. That meant that we either had a wedding in December (yes, I know, not so much autumn anymore and also soon) … or we waited a year and a half.

I was not going to wait a year and a half.

Marc also said NO to December for that whole too soon reason. Men! If you can train for a marathon in four months; you can plan a wedding in four months.

When we finally decided where we wanted to get married, we just looked at the dates they had available and the openings began in early May. I did not want to get married on Mother’s Day or Memorial Day. May 20th was the earliest that our venue was available, so, that’s how we decided on our date.

I had friends beg me not to get married in December because they had another wedding to attend the week before, also in Florida and that would have been a lot of traveling for them.

My brother-in-law-to-be also asked me to move my wedding date, after I had put down a deposit, because his girlfriend’s sister was getting married the weekend before, and that’s just a lot of wedding-time for them. Sorry guys, you’ll get over it.

So much for my Fall wedding, or my December wedding.

We chose our date based on what was available at our venue. This was really just the beginning of the flexibility I would need to extend for wedding planning.

It’s summertime folks and summer wouldn’t be complete without a good old chick-flick wedding movie. Mamma Mia!, starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan and Amanda Seyfried isn’t getting the best reviews so far, but no fear… it’s about a wedding! If you need a little wedding-chaos-comedy to make you thankful for your own nuptial plans, check show-times at your local theater.

I’ve been reading up on summer-wedding themes. If you are still planning a wedding for late summer 2007, consider these simple and summery themes.

The weather is hot. The days are long. Use nature. Be outside. Consider tents or a tree-lined area for shade. Consider anything on or around the seashore. Think: relaxed elegance. Use umbrellas, tents and trees for shade and decoration. Meal options? Fresh fruits and vegetables are plentiful this time of year. Opt for a bar-b-que style menu with lots of grilled chicken and fish, salads and local produce.

If you want to incorporate holidays and hobbies into a summertime wedding, the options are few, but there is the Fourth of July. Sparklers! - blue, red and white flowers and confetti-lined tables. You can have a fruit display of blue and red berries and whipped cream for white. Use your theme, it provides colors for you.

For some more elegance and less fire-risk, have a derby-inspired wedding. As in, Kentucky Derby. Think: women in sundresses and hats sipping mint juleps, finger sandwiches.

And finally, a nautical theme. Do you sail? Do you like the shore? Many country clubs and seashore restaurants have nautical themes in place already. Or, is your wedding small? Consider a wedding and reception on a boat.

summer wedding, mint julep, derby, nautical theme wedding, outdoor wedding

Some good gal-pals took me to a very nice dinner on Saturday night. It was at one of my favorite restaurants and it was a surprise! It was actually the restaurant where I met them, almost exactly two years ago.

We ate and drank some wine and talked, mostly, about the men. That? Made me feel a little old, but also, it was touching, that we care enough about our significant others to talk about them when they are not there.

I opted to have a calmer, cozier, quieter night, sans male stripper and bar-hopping. It was more, ME. And, was exactly what I wanted.

Brides, be sure to voice your desires to a close friend or bridesmaid who will be organizing a party like this in your honor. Modern brides are not all having traditional bachelorette parties. More than likely, a few girls will get together for a weekend away, or take a weekend and go to a spa, or a vacation home, or even just a night out to a local restaurant.

bachelorette party, bride, girl time

You know you are a bride when you start thinking about your something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

The origin of this little jingle goes back to Victorian times. The “old” represents the bond to the bride’s family and her life prior to the wedding; the “new” represents the new life the couple will have together and all the happiness, prosperity and success they will share; the “borrowed” is something loaned to the bride from a happily married woman. This item is meant to impart similar happiness. The “blue” something represents fidelity and constancy.

Here are my current ideas for my 4 somethings:

1. Something old: Carrying my grandma’s handkerchief
2. Something new: My dress, my shoes, duh!
3. Something borrowed: ???? Still searching for this one …
4. Something blue: Am wearing a ring with a sapphire that also belonged to my grandma

I suppose I will borrow an anklet from my Mom, or perhaps a bracelet. I’d love to wear a borrowed tennis bracelet. Hint Hint!! Anyone want to loan me one? The only requirement is that you are happily married. Heh.

One month, one week and two days.

One month, nine days.

Thirty-eight days.

No matter how you say it? It’s all the same really.

There is good news and bad news at this point. I went onto TheKnot.com and printed my To-Do list. It is ONLY two pages! Whoo Hooo! That is the good news.

The bad news? I have a two-page To-Do list!

I went through my binder last night to weed out the unnecessary information. I no longer need any paperwork about my invitations because they have been sent and all but four people replied. Those four people who never sent the reply card back? I put a curse on you! May your socks fall down into your shoes and my you have a massive front-of-your-head cowlick for a whole year.

So, as I was toss all these great pictures I had printed for “ideas” into the circular filing bin, I was sad that I no longer needed ideas but was quickly, very quickly reminded that I don’t need “ideas” because I have already made a million and one decisions and I only need to keep the ONE picture of my hair style, and ONE picture of my dress. I don’t need seven sheet covers back-to-back of potential bouquets because I have already chosen mine. And it will be … fine.

Prior to this wedding planning experience I was not a good decision maker. I mean, I chose to buy a house with Marc and I am certain of my decision to marry him, but the little ones, like, should the dining room table have placemats or a tablecloth would drive me totally insane. It’s the OCD tendency to doubt oneself. I am not usually committed to certain outfits or to hairstyles and sometimes I even wonder if my engagement ring looks better on my right hand?

This process has forced me to make choices and live with them. I definitely want a nice wedding, but a five thousand dollar floral bill does not a nice wedding make. What makes the occasion special is the feeling, the company, the guests, what you say and how you say it. It matters so much more what I saw in my vows than what I spend on the centerpieces.

My mother-in-law saw a wedding in my venue a few months ago and reported to me that they had big tall centerpieces with arrangements of calla-lilies. I knew that callas would be way beyond what I wanted to spend. I knew that I didn’t care what people thought about the room, or what they thought about me based on their guess of what I spent to entertain them. A wedding is not about entertaining your guests or impressing your guests.

STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX NOW …

… …

…

Sometimes I need to write things like this to remind myself that $700 on cake is outrageous but at this point, I just need to accept it. And hope for the biggest damn piece they cut!

In ancient Greece, brides wore traditional veils that were yellow or red to represent fire. It was believed that this kept the evil spirits away. Diamonds were considered the teardrops of God and it was thought that they reflected the “flames of love.” If a Greek bride carries a lump of sugar on her wedding day, she is trying to assure that she will have a sweet life. She may also carry ivy, as it is a symbol of love.

On the wedding day, the groom asks the bride’s father for her hand in marriage. When he accepts, the best man accompanies the couple to the church. The best man and the Priest are in charge of the ceremony.

Gold crowns or wreaths of orange blossoms, linked by a silk ribbon are placed on the couple’s heads. For the remainder of the day, they are regarded as king and queen. In modern day Greek weddings, the crown is often made of pearls and gems.

Greek wedding receptions are huge parties that last well into the night. There is drinking and eating, music and dancing. Plates are smashed on the floor for good luck.

Traditionally, guests are served candy covered almonds as party favors.

Dear Stacy,

Hannah

Dear Hannah,

First off, congratulations on your fabulous weight loss.

You didn’t tell me how many calories you are consuming and what your diet consists of. If you are not eating 1200 calories a day, you need to try and increase to at least a minimum of 1200. That should help you stabilize. Continue your workouts by doing 30-60 minutes of cardio exercise at least three days a week and add in some weight training which will help you tone your body and look extra lean and fit, as well as help your body be stronger and more healthy. If you are unsure of what to do, get a pair of dumbbells and do bicep curls, also try push-ups and crunches if you don’t have access to a gym. If you do have access to a gym, ask if someone can show you some lifts to tone certain body parts. Many gyms offer a one-time free training session, or they offer a package of several training sessions for a small fee. It really is worth the time and money to learn a few new moves.

As far as eating goes, if you keep losing weight and are not sure what you can eat, try meeting with a nutritionist to get some meal ideas that are balanced and healthy and within your caloric needs range.

Desserts! I’m glad you are eating and watching what you eat! One favorite of many brides and dieters the world over is fat-free, sugar-free Jello (10 calories) with fat-free cool-whip on top. Another option in the freezer section is the brand Skinny Cow; they make excellent ice cream sandwiches. Also, to get some extra fiber and vitamins, fresh cut up strawberries with splenda on top, totally delicious! And, last but not least, Nabisco sells boxes of little 100-calorie packages of snacks including, peanut butter sandwich cookies, oreo and chips ahoy crisps. They are all very good and ONLY 100 calories per bag.

Dear Stacy,

Amy

Dear Amy,

The procession is a big deal and one that many brides fret over for hours at a time, month in advance of the wedding. I, too, am concerned about my procession. While I have a few ideas in my head, I’ve reminded myself that the final decision doesn’t need to be made until pretty much the time of the rehearsal, the day before the wedding.

I digress, back to your procession. It sounds like there are some special people in your fiancées life whom he would like to honor at his wedding. It is understandable that you want your procession to be simple and equal and precise. However, if you give it some thought, do you have a grandparent, great aunt, or even just a special person whom you would like to have walk the aisle? Perhaps they can walk together as “honored relatives�.

Processions these days really don’t need to be equal in the number of people who walk or stand up for each the bride and groom. It is about celebrating your love with those who love and care for you. If it is really important to your fiancée, perhaps you can find a way to honor them so he feels that his side of the family is equally validated.

On a recent afternoon I was in search of some good blogable material and came across some wedding statistics that Hallmark published.

DID YOU KNOW….?

+ Weddings are a $23.5 billion industry. Can I get in on this?

+ In the last twenty years, an average of 2.3 million weddings take place in the United States alone each year. Not surprising, but how many end in divorce and how many within the first two years?

+ The average cost of a wedding is between $20,000 and $25,000. This is way lower than I would have guessed, so I suppose there is hope for those of us on budgets.

+ The average wedding has 189 guests.
Um, HOLY COW.

+ August is the most popular month for weddings, but June is a very close second.

+ The average engagement is 16 months, up from 11 months in 1990, and the average ring costs $2000.
Thank you Marc, I love you VERY much.

+ The top three worries of today’s brides are exceeding budget, forgetting an important detail and the reception being boring.
Actually, I would say these are pretty close to my top concerns.

+ 85% of all weddings are held in a church or synagogue.

+ Two thirds of all grooms choose a plain wedding band while the other third opts for a band with diamonds.
I never consider that before, perhaps because I’m too consumed with what band I want.

weddings, wedding budget

10. Cry.

9. Yell at your dear fiancee.

8. Have you Mother call the relatives and kindly ask them if they are coming because we haven’t heard from them.

7. Threaten, on the Internet that you will serve them the vegetarian option simply because it is cheaper and drove you crazy with the not replying on-time.

6. Dis-Invite them.

5. Send emails to your friends casually asking how their new house-dog-baby-car is and happen to mention that you need to make other wedding arrangements and would appreciate an RSVP soon.

4. Give them an extra week, because! people have busy lives and forget about things as small and trivial as your wedding.

3. Cry and yell at the sheer horridness that is the above sentence.

2. Decide to put all of the people who replied late at the same table so they can be appropriately mocked.

1. Plot to have them phased out.

rspv, wedding, late rsvps, bride, groom

Bridal showers these days vary greatly depending on who is giving them and who is being honored. Some ultra-girlie showers include many games while others are slightly more on the conservative side, offering a luncheon, a high tea, gifts and just simple conversation. Also? There are some that feature a little bit of both sides and everything in between.

My bridal shower consisted of the women invited to my wedding who live locally, a few coworkers who have yet to be invited (limited spacing and finances being the reason), and some friends of my mother-in-law and friends of my aunt-in-law who gave me the shower. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s October ‘07 wedding and I have been asked by her Mother-in-Law’s friends to help plan that shower which will consist mostly of not-invited-to-the-wedding friends of the groom’s mother. So, shower’s can be given and hosted by anyone who is willing and able.

Some of the games that I have seen played:

1. Toilet paper wedding dress. The crowd is broken into teams and they choose one lady who models a wedding dress made out of toilet paper that her teammates create. A winner is choosen and little token gifts are given out.

2. Trivia! Someone creates a trivia game about the darling bride and the guests have to guess and whoever gets the right answers gets a token gift. Examples of questions: 1. Who knows something about the bride’s sex life? 2. What is the bride’s favorite pair of underwear? 3. Where did the bride and groom go on their first date? 4. Where did the proposal take place? And a host of other tailored to the bride and groom questions.

3. As the bride opens her gifts, someone creates a hat or a bouquet out of all the ribbons from the gift packages. The bride then has to wear this for the remainder of the shower, or if it a bouquet, she can use it as her bouquet at her rehersal in the coming weeks or months. This is me … a blush bride, holding a hodgepodge of ribbons and bows which is supposedly practice for holding the real bouquet.

4. BINGO! Bridal Themed and Love Themed. Theses games are available at WeddingChannel.com.

5. Last, but definitely not least, there is Bridal Shower Lottery, a fun and conversation invoking game.

My shower invitation. So pretty. But also so changed.

As of yesterday the Washington Metro area was forecast to have some freezing rain, sleet and snow on Sunday. The forecast kept deteriorating.

At 9:00am on Saturday the shower hostess called me and asked if I thought it would be okay to call everyone and move the shower to 2pm … five hours from that moment!

We all frantically made calls. I would say things like, “Hi!It’s Stacy,becauseoftheimpendingweatherweareconsideringmovingtheshowerto
todaycanyoumakeit at2pmtoday?”

The end result was that all but two people were able to change their plans.

But! I wasn’t ready!

I was all My shower isn’t supposed to be until tomorrow, I’m not mentally ready. But, like all my guests and my fabulous hosts, I was a trooper.

My shower began at 2pm and it was a lovely luncheon and I got amazing gorgeous gifts, some of which I will photograph later in the week.

I wore red cordoury pants, a brown silk crewneck sweater and new pointy-toed very high heeled boots. My friends met my Mom and my Mother-In-Law and everyone was interested in talking to me and they wanted to know about the wedding and my colors and how I was and why I looked so good. Answers: not nervous, just stressed and overwhelmed; pink and sand; and pills, duh!

It was so much fun to be the center of attention and have everyone looking at me. I loved it!

Now, I have lots of very nice thank you notes to write in my neatest-which-isn’t-very-neat handwritting.

It was all a good thing too, ’cause today? It snowed like six inches and was totally gross winter weather.

In honor of St.Patrick’s Day which is coming up in about three weeks, today’s Traditions talk will feature some goings-on at Irish weddings.

This website tells me there is one main Irish wedding tradition which states: “‘Marry in May and Rue The Day’ while another states: ‘Marry in April if you can, joy for maiden and for man’.”

The Irish are very superstitious and modern day brides have actually changed their wedding dates to avoid May and be married in April!

There is a great deal of history and folklore in Irish heritage. The Irish people I have known take SERIOUS pride in being Irish.

With a little research and planning it is possible to have a totally Irish wedding celebration from beginning to end. One specific custom is that the groom is invited to the bride’s house right before the wedding and they cook a goose in his honor. They refer to it as Aitin’ the gander. The goose is commonly served with apple-potato stuffing.

The book, The Traditional Irish Wedding is filled with tradition and folklore. It is a must-read for anyone interested in having an Irish wedding. The book discusses attire, decor, menus, recipes, music, toasts, vows and resources for finding Irish wedding gowns, tiaras and sheet music for a Celtic Mass.

A few other superstitious customs include a bride wearing a lucky horseshow. They used to carry a real horseshoe turned up so that the luck won’t spill out. This is also a bit of superstition among horse-lovers. Some Irish brides carry a porcelain horseshoe or have one made out of fabric that is worn on the wrist, sort of a’la corsage. Also, the magic hanky. Brides of all heritages often carry a special heirloom handkerchief, or give them as gifts to the Moms. In an Irish ceremony it is called a Magic Hanky. This delicate custom involves the bride carrying a hanky that has a few stitches in it and it is later used as a christening bonnet for the couple’s first baby, then once again, remove a few stitches and it can be a magic hanky for another family bride. Finally, at the reception, the top tier of the cake should be an Irish whiskey cake which is saved for the christening of the couple’s first baby.

A few omens that you might see followed or avoided at an Irish wedding:

* It is unlucky to marry on a Saturday.

* Those who marry in harvest will spend all their lives gathering.

*It was lucky to hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning.

* To meet a funeral on the road meant bad luck and if there was a funeral procession planned for that day, the wedding party always took a different road.

* The wedding party should always take the longest road home from the church.

* It was bad luck if a glass or cup were broken on the wedding day.

* It was said to be lucky if you married during a ‘growing moon and a flowing tide’

* When leaving the church, someone must throw an old shoe over the bride’s head so she will have good luck

* If the bride’s mother-in-law breaks a piece of wedding cake on the bride’s head as she enters the house after the ceremony, they will be friends for life.

This Irish proverb is ideal for any wedding ceremony, to be said, read, or printed on a program:
Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend.

irish weddings, irish, wedding

Do you know the significance of wearing a garter under a wedding dress?

I’ve often found myself deeply pondering where this custom came from. Garters come in pretty delicate white and lace, every color under the rainbow and they even feature icons of sports teams, colleges, and sometimes, fancy crystals. You can usually find a very pretty one for about $5.99 or, you can spend a small fortune. Your choice. The cheapest one I found while researching this entry was $1.99. The most expensive I saw? $54.99.

According to Wedding Flowers and More the garter traditions hastens back to an old English tradition where friends of groom would rip off their socks (Pheew!) and throw them at the groom. The first one to hit the groom on the nose was the next to be married. Before wedding gowns were such valuable items, people would rip off a piece of the gown and toss that at the groom.

Thank GOD the sock tradition is no more! I’ll take a garter toss any day over stinky socks. Good thing too, ‘cause my wedding is in May, in Florida.

The tossing of the garter, and the subsequent catching of the garter is thought to be good luck.

I will be wearing a garter, I already have it. I actually bought it WAY before I was engaged, because it was perfect for Marc. But! Since it is so “perfect for Marc� … we won’t be tossing it.

It is also tradition for the bride to toss her bouquet to all the single women. Legend tells that the lucky gal to catch it will be the next to marry. After some quick calculations it seems that our guest list doesn’t include more than two single gals, and maybe one single guy. So, it doesn’t make much sense for us to do the tossing.

Themed Garters: The Wizard of Oz, featuring Toto (little weird, but you know, if it’s your thang!):

Fancy, pricey garter, with Swarovski crystal:

If your husband-to-be is a sports fanatic … (I can’t think of anyone like that!):

First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

For all of you new readers, I’m very thrilled to be a part of the 451 Press team. I’m have some great ideas up my sleeve to keep you informed, entertained, laughing, and most of all, to keep you reading. These will all be unveiled over the course of THIS week.

I want to give a shout out to all the bloggers and readers who are also getting married this year. If you have questions, concerns or anything you think is relevant to an entry, send me an email or leave a comment and let’s get this forum really hopping. Also, a personal note to my good friend T, who is getting married in October, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU! ARE GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR!

I’m really just an average gal. I’m not overly girlie; in fact, I sort of have to force the girly-ness sometimes. I’m very practical and down to earth, most of the time. However, when it comes to my own wedding, sometimes I am very concerned about the flowers and favors, sometimes I am not.

More relevant to this blog, I have been knee deep in research about wedding traditions around the world, random wedding facts, and lots of very irrelevant wedding related trivia. Stay tuned this week for an idea of what there is to come this year.

Of the myriad of things I will be discussing here is the relevance of a milk-bath in a Moroccan wedding ceremony, and why the bride and groom both kiss their parents knees in a Sudanese wedding ceremony and how the word “wed” is actually derived from the Greek word “pledge” and why that means that no matter in what country you choose to marry, if you wed, you are pledging yourself to someone else.

All of these random good facts and more are in the pipeline as well as tips and strategies for wiggling out of bad vendor relationships and tips for managing stress, talking with in-laws, combining and not combining finances, when to do it, and throughout all of this will be the laughable and tear-inducing truths of my own wedding-planning and marriage-planning endeavors.

Stay tuned.

Happy New Year!