Wedding Tactics

Beautiful Bridal has recently written a great piece about writing your own vows.

Make your ceremony unique and special … Click here to read the entire article.

This hair was done by Elegant Hair by Giselle in Rockville, Maryland and the photo was taken by Weddings by Pamela.

Choosing a wedding officiant can be a daunting task. Some people have it easy and they call up their childhood Minister or they just use their parent’s Rabbi. When two people get married they are not always of the same background faith and they search for an officiant who meets both of their needs and is willing to perform a ceremony with as much or as little religion as possible. It is also nice when the person marrying you can toss in a few words about your personalities or a quick story about when you met. It makes your wedding extra personal and extra memorable.

I was just reading through some of the recent wedding-related posts on Alltop and I came across a wedding planning firm in Scottsdale, Arizona. Liene (Lynn) at Blue Orchid Designs is ordained. (You know, just in case someone needs to sign a marriage certificate. ALSO: I’d pay extra for THAT feature!) Talk about being prepared! She is also the owner of this destination planning firm that specializes in being honest, helpful, and very in touch with their clients needs.

Liene offers these five tips for choosing the best person to officiate at your wedding ceremony:

1) Hire someone who is available for you. It was easy for me to write a heartfelt ceremony for my friends because they have been a significant part of my life over the years. Chances are, though, that you won’t know your officiant that well. They should be willing to meet with you in order to get an idea of who you are so that your ceremony can be personalized and not just a canned wedding message.

2) Weddings are a sacred event, and as such, a person’s beliefs play a large role. If the officiant you want has a theological or ideological difference with something that is important to you and your fiance, there is no need to be offended. It just means it is time to interview the next person.

3) Not all ordinations are created equal. Make sure that the ordination your officiant has is legal in the state you are getting married in. Each state has their own marriage laws and just because someone can perform a ceremony in Washington doesn’t necessarily mean they can perform one in Arizona.

4) Some officiants will come to the rehearsal, some won’t and some include the option for an extra fee. If your officiant doesn’t include the rehearsal in their services, make sure that they can get a copy of the ceremony outline to your wedding planner a few days prior to the rehearsal. This will allow your coordinator to better run the rehearsal and walk you through specific elements in the wedding, such as when you’ll do your sand ceremony and where to stand for it, when you’ll present flowers to your mothers, etc.

5) If the officiant works with a videographer often, they may have access to past weddings documented on film. If possible, ask to see video clips of the officiant speaking. Not all will be able to offer this, and it shouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker. It is helpful, however, to see if they are good at speaking and whether or not they do, in fact, skip the cheesiness that so many officiants are known for.

I recently met a new mother through a good friend of mine and we exchanged contact information. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had given me her maiden name, not her married name. I am told she plans to change her name any day now. Thing is? She’s been married for over two years now.

When I got married I changed my last name the first full day I was home from the honeymoon.

So did two friends of mine. We all married under the age of thirty, some of us closer to it than others. And neither of us had made a seriously substantial name for ourselves in our respective careers.

Of course, there are some other things that change after you get married. To read more about what you might want to consider, dread or even look forward to, click here.

So what’s the deal these days on changing your name? Keeping your last name? Or, the ultimate, taking on a new name without letting go of the old one.

Regardless of the reasons for changing your name, it is best to start with the Social Security Administration.

For some, its a matter of letting go of the past and all that is attached to a name. It can also be a chance to become someone else, a new you perhaps, or it can just signify that your new roles, wife, spouse, perhaps even mother?

Some people want a name that is easier to spell, easier to pronounce, or one less or even more conspicuous, hinting towards an ethnic background or religious affiliation. And for some it is just a question of tradition, establishing yourself in your newly created family.

I’m curious, did you change your name after you got married? If so, how soon did you make the change?

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

What are ceremony readings? Are they right for you? Where can you find an appropriate reading?

Some weddings incorporate lots of guests and family members into the ceremony by including readings. On the flip side, many weddings don’t have any participation outside of the officiant and the couple.

Having people read at your wedding can be a nice way to incorporate more people into your wedding party, at least, unoffically. It can also be a nice way to include family members and friends who are not able to participate in the actual bridal party.

What is right for you? Where do you find readings that are appropriate?

Essentially, having someone read at your ceremony is a very personal decision. The person speaking has to be a special person in your life and the material read should be relevant and special. It is usually prose or poetry that has special meaning, typically about love, relationships, friendship and life. They often reflect the religious beliefs of the couple.

Reading Material

Most readings have something to do with love. The actual reading does not need to mention weddings. To find a reading appropriate for the situation, consider books and poems you have read. Is there a great love story you like? Chose a passage that has meaning to you. It is okay if your reading means more to you than the guests. Remeber, it is your wedding. Ask friend and family if there is anything they recommend. It can even be a monologue from a movie or a show.

Who should read?

When considering who should read at your ceremony it is important to consider a few things. Be sure the people you ask are comfortable speaking in public. They should understand that it is important to read clearly and project their voice. And, a reader will sound more at ease and read better if they are more familiar with the reading. Be sure they have plenty of time to become familiar with the material.

If you really want to have a reading at your ceremony but can’t seem to find the right piece, visit The Book Stacks, written by JM or Genre Fiction, written by Janet for some ideas.

A loyal reader recently wrote in about not getting to the chapel in time, so to speak. She and her fiance have postponed and now rescheduled their wedding because one of them needed to have surgery. All healed and ready to walk the aisle, they are confused about how to convert their first planned early-summer wedding to a December wedding without looking very last season.

It is important to remember not to be too saddened by the loss of your Spring wedding. You can create something you love just as much and with a little thought and assistance from ME, the unofficial wedding planner.

My two favorite options for winter weddings are the snow-scape inspired drenched in winter white flowers, candles and twinkling lights, something a’la Preston Bailey, OR, take advantage of the richness and bold colors that the season naturally provides and go with darker, richer colors like purples, burgandys and dark greens. There is no rule against a pastel pink wedding in December, so if these options just don’t work for you, do what you want and it will turn out beautiful.

I browsed through many galleries to find some darker flower bouquets that I can see being the highlight of a wintertime wedding.

If you like purples and blues, consider a bouquet of purple orchids. Orchids are more readily available, read: less expensive in certain parts of the country. Try to be a little flexible with your choices, unless price is no obstacle to you.

I think this is a really earthy-looking bouquet, but from a distance, the sunflowers have a fuzzy look that makes me think of dried flowers, which we see in the fall and winter. This bouquet also uses some some bright pink roses to offset the rich browns of the sunflowers.

If your dream bouquet for your Spring-Summer wedding looked like this one below, consider carrying a bouquet that uses only some of the flowers.

Original Choice.

Alternate Option No. 1

Alternate Option No. 2

Alternate Option No.3

If you really don’t like the shades of red and purple above, consider using a deep blue color. These hydrangeas work with all seasons and you can accent them with many colors and patterns too.

Some brides are very concerned about their color palate, but I wouldn’t advise turning yourself in knots. If you choose a few colors or items that are important to you, like, for example, your bouquet, you can build the rest of the wedding around that. You can pull in greenery to your ceremony in your bouquet, or on the chairs or arch or chuppah. Just because you use elaborate flowers in your bouquet doesn’t mean your centerpieces need to match.

It is okay to have a $200 bouquet for yourself and spend $40 on your centerpieces. Just remember, candle light is an excellent and very inexpensive addition to any table. The warm glow matches any season and especially, in this case, the flame gives off a sense of warmth, a nice touch for a December wedding.

winter, wedding, preston bailey, dark reds, blue, bouquet

So you’ve got an awesome ring on your finger and a goofy smile on your face but you know you need to start thinking about things like, a date!, a venue!, indoor or outdoor, flower and color schemes, dresses, eight bridesmaids or just a maid of honor? The list can goes on and on. But, where the heck do you start your wedding planning? And oh! dear lord, the finances.

Yes, this is a difficult time, in light of the recent excitement going on. Each decision you make, while sometimes it seems only begs more unopened questions, actually is one thing crossed off the long list of wedding to-do’s.

First and foremost, consider what type of wedding your want. And then, consider what you can afford and what works for you and your family and, the most deciding factor, what venues are available when you want them. Do you want a wedding at a country club with the ceremony and reception at the same place? Complete with outdoor photos, fresh air and all the colors nature provides. But! You are at the mercy of the weather. Do you want a wedding in a church with a huge long aisle, a conservative and formal ceremony with a fancy reception afterwards at a club or fancy restaurant? Do you want a backyard ceremony, perhaps you know someone who has a farm or a country home, with a large rented tent for the reception? Do you want a beach wedding, where you all wear flip-flops and take pictures barefoot, followed by a seafood barbeque?

The options are truly endless and you have to think about where you would like to spend your day. What type of environment makes you relaxed and just brings a smile to your face? Once you know what kind of place you want to have your wedding you can start looking AT places and their prices and availabilities.

If you have family and friends who want to help and offer to look at venues for you, by all means, take them up on it. Let people collect information so that you can look over brochures and prices and then go and talk with the coordinators.

If all of these options just seem to make your eyes roll back into your head and your pupils turn to dollar signs, there are options! All of the above, while excellent options, are just that, options. I don’t think I would have enjoyed my wedding any more or less if we had cut more corners. What made my wedding so special was seeing my guests who had come from so far to see me get married. The food was good and the party went on in a relaxed and fun manner. This is what made my wedding so enjoyable.

If you live in a small town, look at local recreation halls, ask the fire department and ladies auxiliary clubs if they have large meeting space you can use for a reception. If you are crafty, you can make your own flower arrangements

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I have been married for just over one month. Actually, tomorrow will be one month and one week. To be honest, my wedding feels like a very faint memory.

I am still extremely excited that my wedding turned out to be so pretty, so simple and so much fun. I don’t really remember what my centerpieces looked like or what anyone wore. I know I had a DJ who was amazing and a staff of vendors who made my needs their ultimate goal.

Aside from the fact that I had a good location, a good couple of vendors and some good weather, all of which are subject to chance, I was not stressed or worried on wedding day at all. I probably wrote about it in advance too; my goal was to stress before the wedding, therefore there wouldn’t be anything left to worry about on the day of the event.
This is just another example of where my obsessive personality came through for me.

I suppose that I would have a larger problem with life if I walked around now saying, “My wedding was great, the centerpieces were so gorgeous!” when in fact, all I keep thinking is that “My wedding was great! I had more fun than I ever could have imagined! I danced, I ate my entire dinner, I talked to all of my relatives and smiled all night long, I could not have imagined a better night.”

If you want to recall your wedding more like I did, plan well and in advance, be flexible for weather mishaps or things you cannot control, like, older guests leaving too early. Choose one or two things that are main goals for the day, such as, getting married and enjoying myself, or getting married and dancing with my Dad. Whatever matters most to you - make that the only thing that matters for the day and you won’t be disappointed.

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I’ve been reading up on summer-wedding themes. If you are still planning a wedding for late summer 2007, consider these simple and summery themes.

The weather is hot. The days are long. Use nature. Be outside. Consider tents or a tree-lined area for shade. Consider anything on or around the seashore. Think: relaxed elegance. Use umbrellas, tents and trees for shade and decoration. Meal options? Fresh fruits and vegetables are plentiful this time of year. Opt for a bar-b-que style menu with lots of grilled chicken and fish, salads and local produce.

If you want to incorporate holidays and hobbies into a summertime wedding, the options are few, but there is the Fourth of July. Sparklers! - blue, red and white flowers and confetti-lined tables. You can have a fruit display of blue and red berries and whipped cream for white. Use your theme, it provides colors for you.

For some more elegance and less fire-risk, have a derby-inspired wedding. As in, Kentucky Derby. Think: women in sundresses and hats sipping mint juleps, finger sandwiches.

And finally, a nautical theme. Do you sail? Do you like the shore? Many country clubs and seashore restaurants have nautical themes in place already. Or, is your wedding small? Consider a wedding and reception on a boat.

summer wedding, mint julep, derby, nautical theme wedding, outdoor wedding

Some things about my wedding really surprised me and some things went exactly as I had planned.

I knew what the schedule was for the day and what to expect at certain moments and I knew that at precisely 5:00pm, my coordinator would come get me out of seclusion with my Dad and walk us to the point where I would walk down the aisle.

This happened. I don’t exactly remember anything I was thinking or anything we said to each other, but I know we walked out of the room, someone was holding the back of my dress and it was warm and sunny.

I heard my processional music start playing and it was very different from listening to it on my iPod. But, it meant one thing. Time to walk down the aisle.

I saw my guests, my friends, family and Marc, at the end of the aisle. I know now that I walked too fast - so, note to future brides: WALK SLOWLY. You only do that ONE time.

Then, before I knew it, we were in the midst of our ceremony, rings, wine, more wine, readings, and lots of things in Hebrew that I didn’t understand. Some sweating, mostly of the boob and ass nature. Broken glass, kiss, and DONE! Married! We turned around. The music started. We walked back down the aisle and that was it. Marc and I were married.

No one ever tells you that you will not actually see or really be there at your ceremony. You ARE the ceremony.

Had I known this? I wouldn’t have worried so much about where people were sitting and what they were doing. Also, I sort of missed not seeing it. Luckily, we had a friend who videotaped the ceremony for us. Otherwise, I’d never see it. If you don’t opt for a videographer (because, $$$) consider having someone who know film the ceremony, just so that you can watch it at a later time. You’ll never regret it!

My wedding is over.

I have been married for eleven days.

I have honeymooned and returned to the eye-ticking, irritating pace of having to go back to work tomorrow.

My wedding was very totally awesome! All my planning was well worthwhile. I had more fun that I ever expected to have. I ate my entire dinner. I danced a hell of a lot! There were kisses and hugs and dancing and the cake was so damn good - and you know so many times wedding cakes just taste like cardboard.

I am full of positive experiences and lessons learned and assvice from an amateur-turned-pro. No seriously. I’m not going to write about how I have had a wedding therefore I KNOW weddings. I am going to spend the next few weeks writing about my wedding, my planning experiences, my lessons learned, with the hope that it helps someone else. I will tell stories and post pictures and share my emotions of the day, the days before the wedding and the honeymoon - from planning it to what to expect and how much time to allow between international connections on American Airlines when traveling through Miami Airport. GOD.

Before my wedding I used certain days of the week to write certain topics and I wasn’t so thrilled with that. I’ve been feeling too confined and there were times when I wasn’t able to write what I wanted because I couldn’t make it work with a Trend or Tradition or Question-Answer.

I will leave you now with some pictures. If you are getting married before I am able to post of all of my lessons learned, most of all … have fun. I cannot emphasize this enough. And I know you are rolling your eyes at me because! Of course you will have fun at your wedding. In the hours leading up to your wedding, there is not much you can do. The flowers will or will not show up. The cake will or will not be delivered. Most likely, your guests are in town and are getting dressed for the event or taking a much needed nap. I suppose this all works well with careful pre-wedding planning.

I will also talk a lot about what people told me, especially the bold-lettered articles in all the seventeen pound magazines that consist of five hundred pages of advertisements and three articles that say: Make your wedding reflect your personal style and taste. What if you don’t know your personal style? I thought I did, but as time went on I learned a lot more about myself. I will share the details of what worked for me. Scheduling, vendor relationships, travel, timetables, family issues, ohmyholyhell, the family issues!

I am thrilled to be married. I really am. Marc and I spent at least three days calling each other “wife” and “husband”. We were giddy with what we had just done. We still are. Each day still feels sort of new. We have lived together for two years, owned a house together for six months, gotten pregnant a month before the wedding, but, this does feel new. There is a higher level of commitment and authority and respect and a whole new awesome sense of belonging to each other, our new family, and our old respective families. Speaking of the “new” … I will make sure I spend an entire entry on the issue of name changing. I am totally in the middle of changing my name right now. My new social security card is in the mail. My bank knows me as Stacy Kravitz. But, I can still deposit checks made out to Stacy Ochsman. WTF?

Oh! My ceremony. Amazing. Beautiful.

Surprises? Nothing bad I can think of.

Good? One of our best friends made a video of our entire ceremony and reception. We haven’t seen it yet, but we had no idea he was going to do this.

I have many details to share and hopefully, many readers to re-lure.

Pictures? Anyone…?

And finally … some of the fun,

Yesterday at lunch time I went out and got my nails done. The lady doing my nails saw my engagement ring and we proceeded to discuss weddings for the next thirty minutes, as she, too, in engaged to be married in September.

It turns out, Nicki, my nail technician is Vietnamese, although, she was born and raised here in the states. She is marrying a Korean man, also, highly assimilated.

She was telling me that she is having a more traditional Vietnamese wedding, so of course, always in search of good material, I asked her to elaborate.

Her wedding will be held on a Saturday evening in September at a large Chinese restaurant. They will take over the whole venue with all of her 450 guests. (I will pause in my writing to allow for you to choke on all four hundred and fifty guests)

The restaurant will give them a special menu of food, prepared and eaten family style at large round tables, each seating ten people.

Some more specific traditions include, the groom’s mother visiting the bride’s family on the morning of the wedding and offering them two gifts. One, a special plant, representing respect; and a second gift of pink chalk, the color of happiness. Later on the wedding day, the groom picks up close friends and family on his way to the bride’s house where he presents her with jewelry, clothing and money.

Many of us remember that fateful episode on FRIENDS when Joey got ordained on the Internet as a minister so he could marry Monica and Chandler. Many of us also remember that he showed up late to the wedding and write some horrifically redundant words to say about them.

Chances are you won’t have that much trouble finding an officiant who makes both you and your partner content. If you or anyone in your family is a member of a church or synagogue, usually someone from that congregation will be happy to officiate. However, some religions and some specific congregations are stricter than others. There are Catholic priests who will not marry a couple who are living together before they are married. And, there are some Orthodox Rabbis who conduct the whole ceremony in Hebrew which might be very unagreeable for a Reform partner who wants a modern English ceremony.

It is best to start early in your process because the officiant can only do one wedding at a time, which is usually one or two a day, at a maximum.

It is important to consider where you are getting married because if you are using that officiant’s sanctuary you have to get on the schedule and make sure they can accommodate your needs. If your ceremony is outdoors at a non-religious place be sure to ask if they charge for travel. Typically, an honorarium or a donation is made to the congregation in the officiant’s name for their “fund”. Usually, this fee is paid after services are rendered, however, it is best to ask and get all the expectations upfront. Some people feel that giving $250 is more than generous, while others feel you should give more like $400. This is a very personal decision as it is a good chunk of money. It depends and varies greatly on your own personal financial status and your relationship with the officiant. In most cases you can write a check to the Rabbi’s or Minister’s Discretionary Fund. For more a more detailed explanation of what is expected, call the congregation’s office. Deal with these issues ahead of your wedding and you won’t have any last minute surprises.

Some states require pre-wedding counseling which is provided by some churches. Be sure to talk with your site coordinator, check your local or local-to-you-wedding-site marriage license rules and requirements. Check these at least three months in advance of your wedding in case you do need to arrange for counseling and to be sure that you secure your marriage license in advance of your ceremony but not so far ahead that it expires.

It is a good idea to talk with your officiant about your ceremony ideas. Ask if you can write your vows if you want to do that, or sometimes, they will provide them. Be sure they are licensed to perform wedding ceremonies in that county too. It is generally customary to invite the officiant to attend the reception, although, unless they are a close family friend, chances are, they will not attend. Be sure your photographer knows what time the officiant will arrive and depart after the ceremony so they can take appropriate photographs.

I have thus far avoided the topic of Dads and Daughters when it comes to weddings because I am extremely close with my Dad and I’m crazy excited to have him walk me down the aisle and dance with me, but it is also a little sad because sometimes I feel like I won’t be daddy’s little girl anymore. Not that I am right now, but getting married is in itself, an historically, giving yourself to another man, or answering to another man, or just extremely symbolic that your father isn’t the main number ONE man in your life anymore.

In the past few months I have come to see that my Dad and I will also be close and nothing will change our relationship, not even me getting married, changing my last name and having a family of my own with another man. My father will be a part of this in a new way as he becomes a father-in-law and later, a grandpa.

Traditionally in most weddings, the father walks the bride down the aisle and “gives her away”. The “ownership” of a woman is quite outdated, but the tradition still stands firm because it is a romantic notion that we all like to hold onto. The idea of my father walking me down the aisle is one I have thought about for a long time. In most traditional Jewish weddings both parents walk the bride down the aisle, however, I have added a slight twist so that my brother will walk my Mom down the aisle and my Dad will walk me. I just sort of like it that way.

Many people don’t have fathers who are living, involved in their lives or weddings or they have step-fathers to whom they are very close, or perhaps even a grandfather or uncle. It should never be a point of contention of stress over who will walk you down the aisle. It is not altogether uncommon to see a bride being escorted by her father and a step-father. That moment belongs to the bride and the bride alone. She should feel free to have anyone she wants walk her down the aisle, including a mother, if that is what she chooses.

I had my first wedding dream last night.

It was a nightmare.

I just remember it, like, five minutes ago and I realized that for my own sanity and your entertainment, I needed to rehash it words for the Internet to psychoanalyze.

In my dream, my ceremony took place and it was a real disaster. Nobody walked down the aisle the right way, including Marc. There was no music. I knew immediately that something wasn’t right and that heavy sense of dread settled over me in the way that an itch at the bottom of your bottom when you are wearing ski boots would bother you.

When I got the end of the aisle, which was crooked and not lined with flower petals and also indoors, I saw Marc and he was wearing a tuxedo. For some reason he walked the aisle by himself and my parents walked together so I had to walk alone and I was seriously distraught.

The Rabbi said three lines, he said “Do you take this woman to be your wife to have and hold from this day forth?”

We both replied “yes” and he pronounced us man and wife, but, we didn’t have wedding bands so no rings. And I actually said “That’s it?”

The Rabbi replied, “I forgot the rest, sorry!”

Ahhhh!

Fast forward to this morning, 10:30am, which was really 9:30am because I am opposed to daylight savings time if and only if it requires you to turn the clocks ahead and wake up at 6am in the damn dark. I digress; I woke up with a migraine. Go figure.

I think what this dream actually *meant* is that I need to PLAN, talk with our Rabbi and make an appointment to get wedding bands. Eeek! I don’t know how I will make it 68 more days if I have a bad dream over ever undecided issue.