Wedding Tactics

There is one huge area of wedding planning that I have neglected to mention, mainly because it is personal, complex and I never had a strong lead sentence with which to begin.

Marc and I sat down last night and went over our newly created Excel spreadsheet household budget. We bought a house last November and made one of our accounts joint. We both put money into it each month. Combining finances was huge. I felt more married and tied to him at that time than I think I will after a glass has been crushed and the crowd yells mazel tov at the end of the champagne toast.

For about a month after we combined accounts I didn’t know what money was technically “mine”. I had never thought of finances as “shared”. Like many other women my age, I’m in my late twenties and have worked for about 10 years, including my part-time jobs in college and I always had my own accounts and credit cards. I chose what I spent on what and when and if anyone questioned me I told them to get bent because it was my damn money. Lo, you cannot do that in a marriage. It is really crucial to understand each other’s spending and shopping habits before you combine finances or you will find yourself in many a difficult situation. For example, Marc likes to eat lunch out a lot and I like to buy a lot of books from Amazon.com.

Many times I have approached him and said something like Why did you go spend ten dollars on a damn sandwich? And when the credit card is on the higher side one month, he wonders why I needed to buy books. The end result is that these expenses are trivial and each couple must decide how much each person can spend on these little items, AFTER the mortgage and bills are paid. Some couples I know choose a dollar limit, like $100 - and if one partner plans to spend over that amount, they need to inform, not ask permission, but rather discuss with their partner the impending expense.

I highly suggest creating a budget in a spreadsheet. It is very easy to work with and change numbers around and make projections so that you know what money is available and when. You can also obtain a budget worksheet from any financial planner or financial broker. There are also some great books to work with if you are an independent type when it comes to finances. One book in particular that I recommend is Bonnie’s Household Budget Book.

Ultimately I am very thankful that we combined most of our finances before the wedding. (Which btw, is 47 days from today, ‘ya know, if you are keeping track) It really helped us get past the initial shock of not being as independent as we once were. Perhaps if I was younger and hadn’t really supported myself before I wouldn’t have had such a hard time adjusting to the loss of independence. It took me a few months to see that I gained financial security which helped me deal with the loss of control. Each couple has different issues, but all in all, you have to have a concept of what to expect from each other and from yourself.

I have gotten very comfortable with our new arrangement and I feel like that will allow us to really enjoy our first month of marriage because we will have already created working systems for our home. I can’t imagine how disappointed I might be if our first month of being married was wrought with the conflict through which we have already worked.

Other women have reported to me that the combining of assets is a huge issue at first. Many of us have worked for years and making a change from individual to team isn’t an easy step. I encourage men to be understand and comforting during this adjustment period, and also to be very forthcoming on all monetary issues. When both partners know what their financial capabilities are, they are more likely to take equal responsibility, thus, preventing an unhealthy situation.

Dear Stacy,

I am getting married in October of 2007. One of my bridesmaids is getting married next month. I really need her to help me do some planning and picking out dresses, but I am afraid to bother her. She is really stressed with her own plans but I’m concerned that she will sort of forget about my wedding and by the time her life calms downs it might be too late to get working on my wedding. She is my best friend and I really want her involved. Any suggestions on how our weddings can co-exist?

Ah … the double wedding year. At certain times throughout your twenties you will go through years when you wish you had stock in the formal wear industry because you may have a wedding to go to each month. Alas! I assure you, there will be years when you forget the difference between a blusher and a cathedral length veil and you will thank all that is holy for this sheer joy.

But, clearly you have a busy year ahead of you. First off, congratulate your friend and offer to help her. You say you care about her and she is your best friend. Some of the planning, coordinating and stressing she is doing right now is unique to her wedding time frame and you can’t possibly understand her demands. So, ask her. Offer to be there for her because, you KNOW you will need her to do the same for you. Do for her what you would like done for you. Also, set a date perhaps two weeks or so after her wedding, when she is back from her honeymoon to sit down and do some planning. You say her wedding is in April and yours is in October? You will not be behind schedule in May or June. Yes, you will be four or fives months out at the time but that is plenty. No matter how much advance planning you do, there are things that just have to be coordinated towards the end and you will get it all done. Make notes of what you want to do so your time spent together is well directed at getting things accomplished and pay attention to your friend’s struggles, you will definitely learn about what to expect in those last few days and weeks. Good Luck to both of you! And, what should really be the motto of this blog? You’re getting married!! Okay… Breathe!

Dear Stacy,

I’ve been having bad dreams about my wedding and it is worrying me, not to mention, causing me to lose sleep. I’m dreaming that I cut off all my hair (which in real life needs to grow a little more to make my hairstyle perfect). Oh and literally, it was me who cut it off. Scary. Last night I dreamt that I left my reception and went swimming in the lake and they were looking for me for pictures and I was all wet and not dressed and no one would help me get my dress back on. What does this all mean? I’m also really afraid that I’m going to have a dream about not getting married.

Ok, hold on! Breathe. First of all, you are totally normal. Laugh at yourself and find a friend to recount all these nightmares to. Chances are you are dreaming about things that aren’t even realistic possibilities. At your reception? No one would let you leave to go swimming. So, no matter how much you want to, you won’t be able to, sorry. But, to help you not worry so much about an already-occurred dream and about potential dreams to come, keep a journal next to your bed and when you wake up, write down some notes about your dreams. If you start worrying at night that you might have another bad dream, reread what you wrote the day before and most likely, you will laugh out loud at the silliness.

Also use your dreams to your advantage, take time to make a list or journal what you are worried about, list priorities about what needs to get done a month before and a day before and the morning of, list out what tasks you are relying on others to complete, make sure you have someone else, a parent, an in-law, a bridesmaid, a sibling, who knows everyone’s responsibilities and can be your day-of schedule-nazi.

Worrying will only cause you more stress and keep you from sleeping well. Remember dreams are not based on reality. Sometimes we dream of things that seem awful familiar but they are based in total fiction. A dream is just your brain working overtime and de-stressing itself. The brainwaves get a little lost in the dark of night and cause us to have the wacky dreams that we do.

wedding nightmares, wedding dreams, wedding planning, bride, best friends

I’m getting married in 52 days.

And, yes, I’m totally excited and YES! totally stressed.

What about? You ask.

Everything. I’m worried about leaving my pets with a pet-sitter for two and a half weeks. I can’t decide between having my mail held and having my pet-sitter/house-sitter pick up my mail. I am concerned that I will forget to bring my garter (which is SO cool by the way, of course, pictures AFTER the wedding) with me to Florida. Just this past weekend someone started talking about the rain/inclimate weather alternatives … and after I stopped hyperventilating and sweating I calmly retorted, “Fine. I agree. Have a plan. Don’t tell me what it is or anything about it. If you have to move things because of rain, that’s fine. I don’t want to know until the day of the wedding, because then I won’t care, I’ll just want to be married.”

The being calm? Felt great.
The not caring? Even more great.

It’s a real toss up between freaking-out and not caring but I figure it will all work out in the end.

After the flowers have been chosen and the food options tasted, the dress altered and the tuxedo rentals secured, the plane tickets purchased and the hotel blocks reserved, the ketubah waiting for me in Sarasota and the kippots ordered there is a definite release of stress as you cross these items off of your MUST-DO list. However, you might remember that you still haven’t had a second meeting with the Rabbi, and you still need to arrange for your parents flights to the wedding destination and you want to lose five more pounds and avoid a stress-related break-out, you start to feel that rapid-heartbeat Oh-Shit feeling returning to your every waking step.

Getting married is a huge, life-changing event. Even if you have lived with your partner, there are new levels of shared property and space. At this point, I am really excited. I do waiver between being stressed and being blasé about the details. I think that is normal.

Slowly you become closer to your partner. Slowly the families accept your wedding choices. As the entire event starts to come together, you might even find yourself sitting back and smiling. At least until a distant relative who calls you and wants to know if they can bring their children and babies to the wedding and if the food is kosher and the fish wild-caught.

See? I can still laugh and drive at the same time. In fact, I was on the way to my hair and make-up trial when this was taken. And, I had just saved $500 on my florals. Total score!

wedding stress, bride, ketubah, kippot, pet-sitter, wedding, wedding tactics

Dear Stacy, My fiancée and I have decided on a destination wedding in Florida, where his family lives. We like the area because it just so relaxing and beautiful. We live in Washington, DC. How and where do I start my planning? I have gone to some recent local Bridal Expos with other girlfriends, but most of those vendors only offer local services. Help!

Ah, the destination wedding.

I am having one myself so have no fear my darling, it totally can be done.

Now, sit back and consider what you want. Do you want a church or synagogue wedding with a country club reception? Do you want it all in a hotel ball room, on the beach? Have an idea of what you want and a definite budget range before you begin. It is so easy to be talked into more and more grandiose ideas by vendors and family members you really need to be able to say, “No, I’m sorry, that isn’t in our budget, what can we do with those same colors in a smaller arrangement?”

First, start with the trusty ole Internet. Do a Google search for your city or state. For example:
1. Sarasota Weddings
2. Destination Wedding Planning Guide
3. Destination Wedding Jamaica

You get the idea?

You will find some vendors that way, and often times, a popular wedding locale will have its own wedding website. Be careful, a listing on a website does not a good vendor make. If you have family in the area, get them talking! Have them talk to coworkers, neighbors and friends about vendors they have used for weddings and other affairs. Get recommendations. Check references.

It is best to plan at least two trips to the destination prior to the wedding. It is suggested that you book vendors about six to nine months out. However, if you having a wedding in four months, you can still get vendors! Maybe not your top choice, but you can still totally find people; it will just take more leg work.

Make phone calls! Call vendors and talk to them, find out if they have your date available first. You will soon learn that some vendors take the extra minute and go the extra mile because some will bash other vendor styles while some will tell you everything you want to know before you ask.

I spoke with one photographer who told me that digital photography is horrible and he only shoots film and he takes about 300 shots at a typical wedding. Well? My photographers (who are awesome!!!) AJ Mills Photography shoot digital and are able to give me 1200 shots from the day. Hum … I wonder what I’m going with. Be cautious and make time to just absorb all the information they give you.

Plan you trip. Arrange a long weekend to your destination area and make appointments back to back, but leave about 3 hours in between each appointment. You’ll soon see that you can really only do about 4 in one day, so you will need a few days. Decide on your vendors and give them deposits to hold the date. A lot of the following decisions can be made from home and discussed over the phone and email. You have nine months to choose which photography package you want. Don’t stress. About two months prior to the wedding you want to have it all settled. (Which, by the way, is what I am doing this weekend, in an hour I’m meeting my florist to pick ALL the florals)

To maximize your time in vendor meetings, print pictures, have ideas and learn about the options before you get to the meeting, this will allow for time to talk and negotiate price not just get the basic information.

Vendors in destination areas are used to out of town brides. Get familiar with them, be friendly and choose vendors you KNOW that YOU can work with. Be picky. This is YOUR wedding. You have a right to have what you want and be within YOUR budget.

Good Luck!

Dear Stacy,

Samia

Absolutely!
I am a total believer in anything that is a little different from the norm. If your venue is gorgeous in itself or you want a really simplistic look, scaling down the decorations is totally okay. It is also a great way to save some money that be spent in other ways. If you want a small touch of color or decoration, consider, bows on the ends of the pews or the last chair in the row, or a large glass vase of long stemmed calla lilies at the entrance to the hall or sanctuary.

Dear Stacy,

Lauren

Um. Holy Bazola! Sweetie? Are you living in the 1940s??? or rather, the 1840s???

In a word? NO. You should absolutely wear white on your wedding day if that is what you wish to do. Historically, white was a color that represented purity and virginity. Many women who haven’t been virgins since Bill Clinton called Monica “that woman�? get married in white gowns. Tell your grandmother that you respect her traditional beliefs but you want to wear white and you don’t believe you are living in sin. Perhaps explain to her why you think your marriage will be more wholesome and well rounded now that you have lived together and worked out the kinks of cohabitating. Or, don’t bother. Just tell her it is your choice and you are comfortable with it. Now, go buy a white dress and live it up! And remember, white is easy to get stained, but really … you won’t have to wear it again!

If you have been invited to someones wedding, please do not consider it an eye for an eye, an invite for an invite, simply because you invited them to your affair, doesn’t mean they have to invite you. However, they chose to invite you. They like your company, want to include you and want to celebrate their happiness with you. Keep in mind that you are unaware of their budget constraints, venue size constraints and planning issues in general. Just because someone you know is having a wedding out of town and they sent out their invitations REALLY early doesn’t give you permission to ignore the reply date and reply whenever you feel like it. Chances are, the engaged couple has lots of decisions to make and products and supplies to order for the wedding and we need a final count. Once it is two weeks after the deadline, we will assume you are not coming.

Thank you for allowing me the rant.

Now? Here are some pretty Spring time wedding bouquets.

On a recent afternoon I was in search of some good blogable material and came across some wedding statistics that Hallmark published.

DID YOU KNOW….?

+ Weddings are a $23.5 billion industry. Can I get in on this?

+ In the last twenty years, an average of 2.3 million weddings take place in the United States alone each year. Not surprising, but how many end in divorce and how many within the first two years?

+ The average cost of a wedding is between $20,000 and $25,000. This is way lower than I would have guessed, so I suppose there is hope for those of us on budgets.

+ The average wedding has 189 guests.
Um, HOLY COW.

+ August is the most popular month for weddings, but June is a very close second.

+ The average engagement is 16 months, up from 11 months in 1990, and the average ring costs $2000.
Thank you Marc, I love you VERY much.

+ The top three worries of today’s brides are exceeding budget, forgetting an important detail and the reception being boring.
Actually, I would say these are pretty close to my top concerns.

+ 85% of all weddings are held in a church or synagogue.

+ Two thirds of all grooms choose a plain wedding band while the other third opts for a band with diamonds.
I never consider that before, perhaps because I’m too consumed with what band I want.

weddings, wedding budget

Traditions Thursday will run tomorrow.
Meanwhile, here is a new feature that will most likely run each Friday, starting next week.

I’ve recently received some emails from trusty readers who have asked some questions. I’ve decided to publish these because they are very useful and the information is valid for all of us.
Please continue to submit questions by clicking on “Contact Me” in the About section.

Dear Stacy,

Kelly
Dear Kelly,

Your frustrations are well understood.

The purpose of a wedding registry used to be so that the newlywed couple would get household goods. In the “olden�? days of our parents and grandparents, people got married in their early twenties and had not lived alone at all and therefore, had never owned a cookie sheet or sauce pan or a le cruset stock pot. Over the past few generations it is more common to see couples getting married later in life and after having lived alone. Thus, many couples getting married today are faced with combining two kitchens worth of goods before they even consider registering. This makes creating a registry far more difficult.

Stores will advise you to register for 2-3 items per invited guest. This allows guests a wide variety of gifts and price ranges to choose from. However, if you have a guest list of 200 and your parents have friends who are giving gifts, your registry gets quickly bought up. Which isn’t all a bad thing! Traditionally, a registry exists so that couples can choose patterns and colors of linens and housewares.

Giving a gift is something that is done out of the kindness of one’s heart. It seriously irks me that people actually attempt to apply a formula to how much one should spend on a gift. I have heard and I DO NOT abide by this rule that a guest should “guess�? the amount spent on them to attend and spend that much on a gift. Now, if your funds are limitless, go right ahead and get me a $250 gift. Otherwise, GOD, please be reasonable.

If you are invited to a wedding and cannot attend, it is a courtesy to send a gift. Not required, and by most, not even considered rude. You should always only give within your means. If you are on a tighter budget, give some linens, kitchen gadgets or tools, or a gift card. This is why couples should create a registry with different budget levels in mind. It will help your guests and it will allow for you to get a wide variety of goodies.

Going off the registry is not considered poor etiquette! Perhaps a store isn’t located conveniently to you, or you can’t find something in your price range, or for whatever reason you have. By all means, if it means you will give a gift, them you should get whatever you feel is appropriate. I was saying that nowadays registries tend to fill up with extra kitchen goodies, higher grade linens and decorative items like lamps and artwork, candles and furniture because couples already have some of the basic items.

When shopping off of the registry, first, choose your budget range. Shop within that range and don’t question your generosity. A gift is a gift! A good department store will have a wide variety of household goods to choose from. Consider a glass or crystal vase. This Kate Spade glassware that retails at a department store for up to $150 was $40 last week at TJ Maxx. (now I’m hitting myself for not buying it) Look for bargains and sales and consider shopping at a Crate and Barrel or Williams Sonoma outlet where you can get name brand things for slightly less than name brand prices.

Also consider the couple’s favorite activites; do they enjoy music and theater? Perhaps some tickets to an upcoming show, gift cards for stores they may need, or if you know what colors they like, even some serving dishes. I swear you can never have enough serving dishes! Artful serving pieces can also double as display pieces. Be creative and be thoughtful.

It is also courteous to include a gift receipt in case the couple wishes to exchange the gift for something for suitable to them.

Dear Stacy,

I’m just starting my search for reception locations and have scheduled a couple appointments for later this week. I’m having trouble coming up with questions for the event manager besides fee schedule, parking, and any restrictions. I’m just curious what kind of questions I need to ask to get an understanding of their venue before making my decision. Thanks!Tia

Dear Tia,

You are well prepared to go in with questions! You’ve been doing some homework, so, good for you.

First of all, you want to know how many people the venue can hold, what their basic charges are as well as what the tax and gratituities are, as they can add up to be in the thousands. Ask if they allow outside caterers or if you have to use your own. If you do use an outside caterer, will you be using the venue’s staff for serving, if so, what is that charge?

You will want to know how early in the day you, your florist and wedding party can access the site for decorating, dressing and photography. Will there be a room for you to dress in? Have you seen it? If the venue is outside, what are their indoor options and what will it cost to change at the last minute?

Find out if the banquets and catering manager will be on site all day to assist you and your vendors, or do you need to hire a wedding-day consultant or friend to keep track of time and vendors for you? What size and shape are the tables? Do they provide linens and chairs? Set-up? What’s the charge? If your reception goes over, how late will they allow you keep partying? Is there an hourly or flat fee? If the venue is an older building, be sure that your DJ or band will have ample power and electrical outlets.

Get a contact name and phone number, collect as many pieces of information that you can on paper. If you really want to have your wedding at a certain place, you may have to be a little flexible with them on prices, dates and time.

Be firm, communicate what you want. This is YOUR wedding and you are giving them business. You have a right to be happy and have what you want. Be reasonable and ask if things are negotiable.

Some extra charges to look out for are cake-cutting fees? Or do they include that? Your caterer might be willing to do the cake cutting at no charge. Ask! Don’t wait until the wedding day or bill paying day to find out all these little details. A good and reputable venue will tell you all these things upfront. They will have nothing to hide. If you aren’t comfortable or are suspicious of someone’s business practices, leave. It’s not worth the risk.

After talking with the banquets and catering manager, they should prepare for you a banquet order reflecting all the options you spoke about and what the prices are for their services.

Follow-up, book early, and don’t forget about deposits and due dates.

Good Luck!

wedding reception, gift registry, kate spade glassware, bride, groom, wedding

Twenty-three days ago I decided to document each of the next 127 days with a photo of myself that was most likely taken by myself. It was one of those ideas that was better put together inside my head than out. This doesn’t make for great variety among photos. But yeah me! I lasted a whopping six days.

I thought it was a good idea. I had it all set up here in Flickr. But. Then. It just didn’t seem so interesting anymore.

One hundred and four. One hundred and four days left as a
single person.
never married person.
girl.
blogger.
executive assistant.
friend.
daughter.
volunteer who quit because she was so stressed she had a wee little nervous-break-down.
bride.
bride-to-be.*
cranky depressed xanax whore?
person with multiple thousands of dollars in a bank account waiting to be emptied.

Yeah. So. I have all these changing and upcoming roles. I’ll still be a daughter and perhaps I’ll return to being a volunteer. I’ll be a wife. I’m excited to be a wife.

On a recent visit with my therapist she was very worried that I was just planning on becoming “Marc’s Wife”. While I never gave it too much thought, becoming Marc’s Wife is something I want. A lot. I’ve wanted it for a long time and I know I will love every minute, well, more like most minutes of it. This therapist was very worried about my “roles” … so I decided that if she who gets paid $140 an hour thinks this, then I need to worry about it too, ’cause, durr! I totally do NOT have enough things to worry about.

One hundred and four days is exactly three and a half months. I have to start making a calendar of when FINAL payments are due. I wasn’t even aware that I had made all my INITIAL deposits yet.

1. Honeymoon final payment, due April 4.
2. Final head count to UPCC, April 20.

My thoughts?

1. Holy mother of all that good and pure how did it come up so fast!
2. BREATHE! BREATHE!
3. B.R.E.A.T.H.E.

I really am not concerned that I will lose my identity or forget who I am. These past few weeks have been excruciatingly difficult thanks to some unexpected depression and roaring anxiety, most likely due to the fact that is was a very dark January and I know I am susceptible to SAD and that simple fact that I do have a little issue with anxiety and have for many years. I suppose being a “wife” will NOT erase that little hash mark of life. I stopped getting excited about taking my “wedding countdown” pictures because I wasn’t excited to see myself. And? Each consecutive day I was looking more and more pathetic and disheveled.

At one hundred and four days we have a “date” to sit down with my parents on holy crapola day NINETY-SEVEN.

BREATHE.

DEEPLY.

I’m going to reinstate the Wedding Countdown Photo Gallery just as soon as I don’t look like I just saw a ghost.

It also helps me that the catering coordinator at my country club told me that if I was behind schedule she would for sure be letting me know. But just in case, I’m adding five more pocket-divider tabs to my already too full notebook tomorrow when I sit down and work on my five page Excel spreadsheet that I’m using to track the guest list and whether or not they want fish, chicken or pasta primavera.

The point of all this is that as a wedding approaches; one is massively stressed, physically, emotionally and mentally. There is no real escape. The anticipation of my actual wedding is something like when I was twelve years old and actually did a countdown to the end of school for the summer. I’m like! That excited! I’m also very anxious to get all my reply cards back so I can plan each and every little detail.

So in that case, I *might* need a few extra days.

* I doubt there is an actual difference between these two words.

Dear Crazy Distant Relative:

Very truly yours,
Stacy

In honor of where I am this week, and of course, the current season, today’s Trends on Tuesday will feature trends for winter weddings.

Ah … a winter wedding.

Potential Response #1: WHY?
Potential Response #2: WHY the heck not?

Winter weddings are gaining popularity for a variety of reasons, convenience; it is a less popular time of year for weddings therefore the potential for the big savings exists if you are willing to look for them. And also … snow is pretty, it is white, it blends! Winter weddings frequently have blue and silver tones; one of my personal favs, and also the potential exists for a magical, cinematic, and glamorous winter wonderland.

For your winter wedding venue, consider an old country inn or private mansion with a fireplace and heavy exposed beam architecture. Many hotels, clubs and inns will be decorated for the winter holidays and you might not need to decorate the venue as much as you would in any other season. You’ll have to accept what they already have for decor, most likely, pine wreaths, holly with berries, poinsettias and eucalyptus. Consider serving spiced cider, egg nog, pumpkin soup, and venison or elk stew.

Winter wedding cake toppers frequently follow the snowflake theme, here is one option:

Also consider a horse drawn carriage for your getaway after the reception.

Winter weddings are gaining popularity. In fact, I really pulled for a December ceremony for myself, but my family told me four months was not enough time to prepare and I didn’t want to wait a year a half before getting married; it wasn’t that important. If you get engaged in the spring and are thinking a December wedding might just work for you - go for it! Look for dresses with sleeves be sure to buy a wrap or something to keep your arms warm for those outdoor photos. Enjoy and celebrate the season, and most of all, be different and make it your own!

Hi Stacy,

Yours truly,
Crazy Relative

Be sure to check back Wednesday for my REPLY!
*I did not make any of this up. I swear.

Just this past weekend, I crossed the FOUR MONTH milestone.

Iiiiieeeeeeee!

Theknot.com was not very friendly this morning. Upon signing in they told me I had six items overdue! Urgh! I mean, really, not enough to worry about?

I’m supposed to start thinking about my flower arrangements, and what flowers will be available to me on my wedding day, in Florida, because more readily available equals more affordable.

Book my honeymoon. CHECK! Woo Hoo! I did this two months ago.

Marc is supposed to be deciding on his tux, what color, style, etc… and we now that we have been having “discussions�? that involve me “telling him�?, er, “explaining�? to him, that we must decide soon. I also came to the conclusion, I mean, I sort of knew this, but chose to ignore it, until my mother-in-law said it to me and I realized, lo, she was right.

We are not having a beach wedding where linen pants and leather sandals are expected, rather, we are at a country club and country club attires dictates that I think the men need to be in tuxedos. Bah. I’ll get over it, especially since I get to pick the vest and tie colors.

I am also told to consider specific ceremony and reception decorations like a chuppah (check), aisle runners (too expensive and not really necessary), and an aisle lined with flower petals (a total splurge, but part of my “dream�? image).

This is a chuppah that my florist created. I think it will be mine, sans the palm frawns. And, not on the beach, but rather, on a grassy knoll by a lake on a golf course. Romantic? Earthy? Hope so.

Oh! Time for another trip to the jewelry store for the wedding bands! Score!

So far I am not too far behind schedule because I’m told by all the online-planning guidelines that this is the month to order our ketubah and I’ve been nagging Marc for some specific information now for at least three weeks. Haha! I was right! It’s not too early! Suckah.

Marc, Please still marry me?

Woo.Hoo!

Yipee!

I’m not too off schedule.

Yet.

I was surfing around on a well-known-wedding-site bulletin board this morning and just reading about all the ups and downs and stupid and very real problems from other brides. Some of it is very sad and real and you just want to reach into the screen and hug them. While there are other gals on there who make you glad you will never meet them.

I kept seeing threads titled things like, Where did you get your STD’s?

So, I’m like … alright, I don’t know everything, I learn something new everyday, they CANNOT possibly be talking about sexually transmitted diseases.

Well!

Your personal wedding tactics guru here, ahem!, ME…. is keeping up with the trends, lemme tell ‘ya!

If you find yourself perusing wedding sites and find other brides talking about their STDs … they are, most likely referring to their Save The Date cards.

‘Cause, duuurrrrr!

AND …

Save the Date cards come in magnets! They are only about $2 each, and there are dozens of templates and designs.

This is a scratch-off card! Sort of like a lottery ticket, no?
Anyway, I think it is adorable!!

A couple of readers have asked about my honeymoon so I thought I’d share with you how I came to settle on Jamaica.

I first talked about the intricacies of a Bridal Expo a few weeks back, but in truth, a Bridal Expo is a great place to get information, if you know what you need and want and aren’t afraid to ask for that specifically.

I was totally overwhelmed being among several hundred brides all at once, mainly because until that moment, I was thoroughly convinced that I was the ONLY bride in the entire world right now and it all revolves around me.

So, you can see how this might have been a shock, no?

I found several honeymoon travel agents right away and dove in with a list of questions about our vacation goals.

We knew we wanted:
1. Caribbean somewhere because it is easy travel from Florida (wedding location, even though we live in Maryland).
2. Sun & Sand
3. A low-key resort, preferably no kids
4. Food and Rum
5. Some nature activities, nothing intense, maybe a hike
6. DEFINITELY horseback riding on the beach (just me)
7. hopefully *keeping fingers crossed* a hammock in which to take daily naps!
8. Excellent service, with a smile
I knew of a few top ranked Caribbean resorts and started asking about those places right away, most of them came in close to ten thousand dollars and that was way more than we were willing to spend. Although, if it was totally my choice, I’d spend a thousand on the wedding and $10,000 on the honeymoon, because that is the special just-married time. Plus, I know I’ll never spend or pamper myself like that again.

But, realistically, of course, first step: SET A BUDGET. But! Be a little flexible. Have a price range and work within that to find a place that gets you most of what you want for the best price possible. Negotiate and talk to a lot of travel agents because just when you think you might have the best deal, you just may get the same thing for seven hundred dollars less!

We settled on Ocho Rios, Jamaica after talking with several travel agents. One agent kept telling me how much she KNEW I would love this other place that did not meet anything listed above in numbers 1 through 8. But, it did have beds totally out in the open and you sleep under mosquito nets! Ick! I might be a little outdoorsy, but I DO NOT WANT bugs near me on my honeymoon. Thus, you can see how important communication is with a travel agent. For the most part, you don’t ever pay a travel agent. They get paid by resorts to direct people there. Just make sure someone has you best interest in mind, if you are using an agent.