Wedding Tactics

For a beach, seaside, or lakeside wedding, this elegant little candle makes a perfect favor.

If you are having a destination wedding, consider sending these luggage tag favors prior to the wedding, or just give them away at the reception.

A practical favor for any wedding theme or venue, coasters. Guess can always take home coasters and use them for entertaining or personal use.

Useful and appreciated in any wedding situation, edible favors. There are nuts, chocolates, and mints that come in personalized packages or with personalized icing. The options are endless. If you are trying to be frugal, consider asking a relative or friend who is skilled in the kitchen make cookies or lollipops and wrap them in clear cellophane bags and tie the tip with a ribbon. People always like edible favors!

All of these favors can be found at American Bridal.

favors, wedding, food favors, luggage tag favors, candle favors

I just read a great article online about how to be a good wedding guest.
Unfortunately there are many people out there who have missed this article and will never read it.

Just in case, I will summarize in my own words what makes a good wedding guest.

This entry will also allow me to whine about one of my wedding guests in particular who did not send back the reply card, but when we called them, told us they were coming, but then called back to tell us they were having “the chicken”. They also didn’t give us a gift. Not that gifts are the end all - be all. But! They demonstrated very little tact and gentility toward our wedding. The most shocking thing and what made this so unexpected is that they should have understood the issues of replying on time, because they are getting married THIS month. Therefore, I chalk it up to careless rude behavior.

I know, I am a tab bit hard to please and my standards are sky high, but, whatever, I’m married now, so it doesn’t matter, right?

Anyway, to be a good guest, you just need to express some thanks for being invited and some mindfulness on replying on time. A good guest is not defined by one who gives a lot of money or lavish gifts. Quite the opposite! Just be grateful the couple chose to involve you in their most important day.

So, Congratulations! You’ve been invited to a wedding. Read the invitation and reply card carefully. Make a note of who is invited; you and a guest, you and a spouse, you and your family with kids. Chances are the engaged couple has thought very long and hard about your and guest or and family situation. Don’t ask to bring people who are not invited. I don’t particularly like any of the exceptions to this rule, however, if the engaged couple hasn’t seen you in a few months and there is someone new in your life who is quite important (defining this role is a slippery slope, however), call the couple and tell them you are dating someone very special and if they have room you would love to bring them, but you fully understand if they are faced with limited seating. If you are told you may bring a guest, by all means, be sure to bring someone, as they will have paid for another plate.

One more rule of being a good guest: ARRIVE ON TIME. In fact, arrive early. Weddings start at the time listed on the invitation. Consider the time it takes to part and walk to the venue and be seated. Plan to arrive 15-30 minutes prior to the ceremony.

Another guest of mine, who lived in the Country Club development where I was getting married arrived five minutes late and walked down the aisle after my family and just before me! I was NOT pleased.

Wedding are expensive. The couple chose to include you in something very special to them. Give a gift, within your means of course and have a good time!

being a good wedding guest, guest etiquette, wedding etiquette, arrive on time to the ceremony

I have been married for just over one month. Actually, tomorrow will be one month and one week. To be honest, my wedding feels like a very faint memory.

I am still extremely excited that my wedding turned out to be so pretty, so simple and so much fun. I don’t really remember what my centerpieces looked like or what anyone wore. I know I had a DJ who was amazing and a staff of vendors who made my needs their ultimate goal.

Aside from the fact that I had a good location, a good couple of vendors and some good weather, all of which are subject to chance, I was not stressed or worried on wedding day at all. I probably wrote about it in advance too; my goal was to stress before the wedding, therefore there wouldn’t be anything left to worry about on the day of the event.
This is just another example of where my obsessive personality came through for me.

I suppose that I would have a larger problem with life if I walked around now saying, “My wedding was great, the centerpieces were so gorgeous!” when in fact, all I keep thinking is that “My wedding was great! I had more fun than I ever could have imagined! I danced, I ate my entire dinner, I talked to all of my relatives and smiled all night long, I could not have imagined a better night.”

If you want to recall your wedding more like I did, plan well and in advance, be flexible for weather mishaps or things you cannot control, like, older guests leaving too early. Choose one or two things that are main goals for the day, such as, getting married and enjoying myself, or getting married and dancing with my Dad. Whatever matters most to you - make that the only thing that matters for the day and you won’t be disappointed.

wedding mishaps, ignoring what can go wrong, preparing for your wedding, how to have a great wedding

I just checked my credit card statement online. It’s part of my OCD, I can’t seem to wait until the bill comes in the mail. I don’t like the shock of opening a bill larger than I remember spending, but, for some reason, if I find out online, somehow, maybe, there is a fluke, and the smack of a large credit card bill is somehow less if I see the totals online first.

Anyway….

I noticed last night that our honeymoon resort charged me an extra $400. In a separate charge, totally separate from the other charge that I signed for and have a receipt for. Oh, and this extra charge came through a week after we got back home.

Marc is calling right now, but I am SO not happy. Seriously, without that extra burden, I’d be telling you how fabulous the place was. If they refund the charge IMMEDIATELY, I will tell you how wonderful everything was, otherwise, behold the power of an unsolicited review!

The moral of this story is: Use credit cards because you have a better paper trail of your receipts and if a company overcharges you and won’t refund your money, you can talk to the credit card company to help you dispute charges.

credit cards, honeymoon expenses

Nobody wants to hear or think “Ooops!” on their wedding day, but of course, things happen.

Bad weather. Vendors get stuck in traffic; mix up an order, or worse. Relatives show up late for pictures or an older Aunt is far less mobile than before and she needs assistance getting around the wedding site.

If you think ahead about a few of these issues you can head off the “Ooops” before it happens.

If your wedding is small and you know all your guests this is simple enough to do on your own, if your wedding is over one hundred guests, employee a family member or close friend who knows the guest list to help you consider some of the following.

1. If you have older Grandparents, are they able to walk around and be in the spot you want them to for pictures? If not, choose an alternate site to have pictures with them. Consider allowing them to sit down in the reception area during the cocktail hour so that they can enjoy the party but not have to stand for too long.

2. Supply a bridesmaid or groomsman or relative with a list of the vendors and their contact information in case the cake is late or the DJ isn’t on time, you’ll have someone looking out for these things before the moment the party begins and they can make necessary calls while you are getting ready or having pictures done and it won’t hinder the flow of the main event.

3. Weather. Everyone tells you it is good luck to have rain on your wedding day. Luckily, I did not get to test this theory; however, it is always good to have a back-up plan if your event is outside, or even for parking and walking to the site. Well in advance of the wedding, speak with the events and banquet coordinator at your venue and ask about alternatives for bad weather. Find out when they have to make a decision, for example, if a temporary rain shower moves through the area a few hours before the outdoor ceremony, the arch or chuppah or chairs and decorations will get wet, and most likely, if this is the time of set-up, they won’t be able to set up outdoors. Ask about the options and know what they are. Then - don’t even think twice about it. Because? When it comes to the day of your wedding and you are within hours of walking down the aisle, you can’t worry about those details and hopefully, you are resolved to the notion that the only thing that matters is that you are able to get married. Rule of thumb: Have back-up plans but then don’t fret over them.

Hopefully you won’t have any “Oops” moments on your special day, but if you do, go with the flow. Many times, guests who don’t know what was “supposed to” happen won’t notice the difference and just stay focused on having fun because this is YOUR day.

wedding planning, “oops”, wedding mishaps, bad wedding vendors, planning for problems, how to help older guests, bad weather options

I have spent years being a massive control freak and not allowing others to help me.

Somehow on the morning of May 20th I was as calm and cool as the salami in the refrigerator. I woke up earlier than I had originally planned and my first thought was that I wished my rehearsal dinner had gone longer because I didn’t get to talk to everyone. Then I remembered that holyshitohmygod, today is my wedding day today is all about me and this is my day and ohmygod I’m getting married in eight hours.

In a more perfect world I would have slept until about 10:30 in the morning, had a leisurely breakfast while watching television, my choice of TiVo’d shows, of course, followed by a shower and then a seat in the hair-makeup chair at 12:30 and a quick slipping into my dress at 2pm for my initial photo shoot with Marc at 2:30.

It didn’t go that way.

My two friends were to arrive at 9:15 for their hair styling, followed by my sister in law at 11am and my mother in law at noon. I would be last, as I was, most important and needed to be the “freshest�.

I woke up at 8am.

I had breakfast. Toast, orange juice and a scrambled egg. I had nothing to read and the house with my in-laws and sister-in-law-type (they aren’t married, but I like her) had an eerie buzzing of energy, sort of like the humming of a mosquito near your ear, but it was also mostly relaxed.

My friends showed up on time.

My hair stylist arrived promptly at 9:20am to begin a style at 9:30am.

I had nothing to do but wait.

And be nervously nauseated.

I took a nap. And then waited some more. The waiting was the hard part, can ‘ya tell?

Finally, I took a shower and made my way to the hair and make-up chair. Before I knew it I was putting on my third coating of deodorant, slipping into my dress, holding my bouquet and hugging my parents while I waited to see Marc for the fist time.

The point of this long assvicey entry is that your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. You have to make it what you want it to be, and you can. You don’t have to have a wedding like your friend or like you think your Mom wants to see. Let me explain, if you need calm and quiet, demand that. Be sure to surround yourself with people who will support you in the way you need at that time. If you function better with seven bridesmaids and two mothers bouncing around the room, by all means, invite them ALL in. Make the day, especially the time before the ball really starts rolling, what you need it to be. It’s okay to be a little demanding, most likely people will just think you know what you want.

The day is yours and it will be as great as you make it.

And remember, this? Happens very fast. Try to remember as much as possible.

And also breathe.

My wedding is over.

I have been married for eleven days.

I have honeymooned and returned to the eye-ticking, irritating pace of having to go back to work tomorrow.

My wedding was very totally awesome! All my planning was well worthwhile. I had more fun that I ever expected to have. I ate my entire dinner. I danced a hell of a lot! There were kisses and hugs and dancing and the cake was so damn good - and you know so many times wedding cakes just taste like cardboard.

I am full of positive experiences and lessons learned and assvice from an amateur-turned-pro. No seriously. I’m not going to write about how I have had a wedding therefore I KNOW weddings. I am going to spend the next few weeks writing about my wedding, my planning experiences, my lessons learned, with the hope that it helps someone else. I will tell stories and post pictures and share my emotions of the day, the days before the wedding and the honeymoon - from planning it to what to expect and how much time to allow between international connections on American Airlines when traveling through Miami Airport. GOD.

Before my wedding I used certain days of the week to write certain topics and I wasn’t so thrilled with that. I’ve been feeling too confined and there were times when I wasn’t able to write what I wanted because I couldn’t make it work with a Trend or Tradition or Question-Answer.

I will leave you now with some pictures. If you are getting married before I am able to post of all of my lessons learned, most of all … have fun. I cannot emphasize this enough. And I know you are rolling your eyes at me because! Of course you will have fun at your wedding. In the hours leading up to your wedding, there is not much you can do. The flowers will or will not show up. The cake will or will not be delivered. Most likely, your guests are in town and are getting dressed for the event or taking a much needed nap. I suppose this all works well with careful pre-wedding planning.

I will also talk a lot about what people told me, especially the bold-lettered articles in all the seventeen pound magazines that consist of five hundred pages of advertisements and three articles that say: Make your wedding reflect your personal style and taste. What if you don’t know your personal style? I thought I did, but as time went on I learned a lot more about myself. I will share the details of what worked for me. Scheduling, vendor relationships, travel, timetables, family issues, ohmyholyhell, the family issues!

I am thrilled to be married. I really am. Marc and I spent at least three days calling each other “wife” and “husband”. We were giddy with what we had just done. We still are. Each day still feels sort of new. We have lived together for two years, owned a house together for six months, gotten pregnant a month before the wedding, but, this does feel new. There is a higher level of commitment and authority and respect and a whole new awesome sense of belonging to each other, our new family, and our old respective families. Speaking of the “new” … I will make sure I spend an entire entry on the issue of name changing. I am totally in the middle of changing my name right now. My new social security card is in the mail. My bank knows me as Stacy Kravitz. But, I can still deposit checks made out to Stacy Ochsman. WTF?

Oh! My ceremony. Amazing. Beautiful.

Surprises? Nothing bad I can think of.

Good? One of our best friends made a video of our entire ceremony and reception. We haven’t seen it yet, but we had no idea he was going to do this.

I have many details to share and hopefully, many readers to re-lure.

Pictures? Anyone…?

And finally … some of the fun,

Dear Loyal Readers and not-so-loyal readers (aka: lurkers),

I apologize for the lack of postings and the short postings that I attempted to make into something cohesive. I regret dropping the ball on you and the ongoing themes I discuss here. But, life really got in the way. As I write this I’m reminded how much I enjoy blogging and as soon as my wedding and honeymoon are over, I promise to return full force with total wedding gusto!

However, for now, my wedding day has just about arrived! I traveled from Maryland to Florida this morning, rented a car, drove an hour, had a dress fitting, and then worked on a million and one details and … I’m actually feeling really good about everything and I wanted to mention a few things I have learned, just today!

I have always heard that you should mention to everyone and anyone that you are on your honeymoon, or that something is for your wedding, as you never know when a free upgrade is right around the corner. Well! No kidding! It does work!!

I arrived at the airport this morning at around 8:45am. I reported to Marc that I would carry all of my bags. He laughed and went to get a Smarte Carte. While he was twenty feet away from me, I opened the trunk and said very loudly in open-jawed fashion, I have FOUR BAGS!? And, ya’ll? That’s four CHECKED bags, not counting the purse and backpack as carry-on.

I loaded up the cart and wheeled myself through the line at the Southwest counter. I was smiling from ear to ear, thinking, I’m leaving town for my wedding! The only thing potentially spoiling the mood was the man behind me whose idea of personal space was something akin to the stampede at Best Buy when they open the doors at 3am on Christmas Eve to sell Wii machines for five dollars to the first seven people inside the door.

When I got to the counter, I was very pleasant and friendly, cause, you know, if you didn’t notice yet, I’m going to my wedding! I then decided to make a joke out of myself, there is no way I’m going to get away with checking FOUR damn bags.

I handed the lady my credit card and then told her that I only travel this light when I’m going to my wedding. She laughed and handed me back my credit card and said, “Consider it an early wedding gift, congratulations.” Free. Totally escaped a $50 per bag charge for my extra two bags. SCORE!

At this point I decided that whoring myself for free and discounted wedding items was beyond worthwhile.

I later shamelessly flirted with the car rental attendant and it got me an awesome blue convertible Mustang and some heavy duty pats on the back to my ego - the *dude totally fell all over himself telling me how lucky my finance was and how sad it was that I was going to be off the market. I told him I was sending a sympathy card and that men all over creation would manage somehow now that I’m almost officially “taken”.

Speaking of “taken” … I’m looking forward to it. I had a brief moment today, and I do mean brief, because mainly, I didn’t actually time to think for myself. The passing idea of how did I get here? Am I sure? What am I doing? But it passed and I really am excited and thrilled to be moving forward with my life with Marc. I honestly do not have any cold feet.

*Rich - Wink Wink!!

Brides have, out of tradition and habit mostly worn shoes like these for many years:

However! I am very humbled and quite relieved actually to see that flats and ballet-slippers have made a serious come back on the matrimonial aisle.

A bride may chose to wear a flat slipper simply to be more comfortable, to avoid the backache of wearing a heel and especially when the height difference with the groom isn’t too noticable.

A few of my favorites:

These shoes cost more than my wedding dress, but if they are exactly what you are searching for, then, it might be worth the investment.

Another pair I like, mainly for its superior affordability at $19.99 from Payless, these sparkly silver flats really go with many dresses.

If you are unsure about what shoes want to wear or, perhaps you want some height for your pictures but some comfort for your reception? Consider wearing a pair of heels and changing just after your ceremony to give your feet some easy for the rest of the evening.

I just received one of my last symbolic I-am-a-bride-to-be items. In today’s mail? The June/July 2007 issue of Modern Bride. I don’t quite know if I will miss it. Although, I assume I they will keep coming to me, but then I’ll use them for research and your entertainment.

In reading through this issue I marked a few pages with interesting ideas that I will visit here over the next few weeks.

One thing that caught my eye was a question posed to all readers in the last issue and answered in this issue with many different ideas. Like most readers, I suppose I can understand both sides of the argument, but, I’m more fascinated by what it says about brides.

Modern Bride posed the following readers: I requested two things of my bridesmaids; that they wear their hair up and get a French manicure. A few seem annoyed. Am I being too controlling?

I now invoke the my blog, my opinion rule and tell you that I think this is asking a bit much. However, all brides and weddings are as individual as the guests attending. My overly explained opinion is this; a bride has a right to has her bridesmaids to do anything specific of her choosing, but her bridesmaids also have the option of chosing NOT to cooperate and then, above said bride, should understand that her demands prohibited her friend from being a part of her wedding.

Brides across the world are known for occasionally being overbearing bitches who care way too much about the decorations and the manicures. I have always written from the standpoint that it matter more what you say and do in your ceremony than what you dance to at the concluding party. I say this because the GOAL of the day is that a marriage, hopefully healthy and longlasting one is formed. I will admit that there are times in the midst of planning a wedding where you lose sight of the goals ahead. Dealing with vendors and parents and family issues can be ridiculously trying and stressful. However, my final point, while a bride certainly has a right to make demands for her wedding, she must, must do so knowing the potential consequences that may arise.

In exactly two weeks from this MOMENT, I will be dancing at my own wedding.

I will have already cut the cake.

I will be wearing my wedding ring.

I will have danced with my Dad. (Waaaaaa! I’m SO emotional on this one! I can’t wait)

Marc and I will have two more hours of fun and dancing and talking until we head out into the moonlight in out decorated getaway car.

I’m so thrilled I am glowing. I don’t know how I will maintain any composure this week at work. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to think straight.

VICE PRESIDENT OF STACY’s COMPANY: Stacy, can you please summarize this report and email a copy to me the CEO?

ME: I’m getting married in less than 2 weeks!

VICE PRESIDENT: Um, great, can I have that by 3pm?

ME: MARRIED! VEIL! DRESS! THE BRIDE! ME… AM THE BRIDE!

VICE PRESIDENT: noticably concerned and mildy frustrated The sooner you can focus on that the better.

ME: … thinks to self, must call pet sitting service because AM GETTING MARRIED

If you can’t manage to follow this posting you are very much not alone. Very soon you will have postings that might actually HELP YOU! Once I return to this planet and get over my own damn swollen ego about getting married, I will be a better writer and advocate for all.

In the mean time, feel free to check out a new site, Saving for a Wedding.

Dear Stacy, I am trying to prepare my family and large bridal party for our wedding rehearsal. The rehearsal dinner is at 7pm and the actual rehearsal is at 5:30. The venues are a close drive away but we have a lot of people to coordinate. What can I do to make the rehearsal go a little more smoothly?

Ok. The rehearsal. Wow! First of all, congratulations! You are truly at the end of the wedding planning rollercoaster. You have probably spent the last nine months or so making more decisions from more options than you ever could have imagined.

To make your rehearsal go a little bit smoother, plan ahead. Discuss with your officiant and fiancée what your preferred procession is going to be. This is the basis for the rehearsal. If you are able, type out your procession, the order of who will walk down the aisle and where they will stand at the altar. Provide a copy for everyone walking down the aisle.

If you are having your wedding at a country club or restaurant, chances are there is a banquet coordinator who will lead your rehearsal if you wish. Remember, they are professionals and they KNOW weddings. You choose the procession. You choose where people will stand. Let the banquet coordinator be the Rehearsal Nazi … chances are it will go a lot more smoothly and quickly.

Also, it goes without saying, but your friends and family are going to be antsy and excited for you and will have trouble shutting up for the few necessary minutes of rehearsal. Just take charge, or ask your fiancée to do so, and explain to them that you all want to get to the rehearsal DINNER and this is just a formality that everyone needs to learn quickly so that you can start the partying.

So, make a list of important things to say to your bridal party and family. Don’t have anyone at the actual rehearsal that isn’t walking the aisle. This will keep everyone focused on the activity at hand.

A good friend recently told me a story that the Rabbi who married her told them.

The Rabbi said, You don’t really know your spouse until after you are married. You may have lived together, may have known them for years, but you don’t actually KNOW them until after you are married.

I’m not sure I agree with the statement, but others have vouched for its validity.

Several loyal readers have asked me write about the emotional side of getting married. I have only touched on this issue a few times and not for lack of content but rather for sheer and utter amazement that ohmygod! I’m getting married and I am no longer a single person making decisions only for myself and HOLYSHIT!? i have to share my bathroom too!? and my bed?! forever!? And, what? a joint account? I prefer the word joint to usually not be followed by anything except a few minutes of intense calm.

It is my experience that men and women adapt to these life-altering social changes in very different ways that are rather gender-specific. Without launching into my soap-box-like pontification of how the genders relate to each other in marriage and relationships, I will just say that for the most part, women feel they are giving up some independence, gaining some financial security, and someone else’s laundry to wash, while men tend to be far more concerned with being able to provide, having enough money, and having enough time for sports.

If you notice, in this entry, there is no mention of sex or intimacy within the marriage, as it is well known, that once you are married, those concepts are mutually exclusive and cannot in a world where George Bush was elected president for eight years, coexist.

Over the past few months, as the wedding date has gotten closer and closer, and today, it is 32 days from now, Marc and I have gone through some wonderful periods of happiness and togetherness and also some seriously angry screaming matches about how much money was spent on a turkey sandwich at lunch. Eventually, all the kinks do get worked out.

The most important thing to remember is that all of the ups and downs are very normal. A marriage is a relationship between two people who need to remain independent, but also they must sacrifice a part of their selfishness in order to be conscious of another person living so closely to them. Each couple works this out differently. Some have date nights with just the two of them, some have standing plans to see other friends several times a week and some maintain separate bank accounts, but whatever the level of shared property and time, the couple must learn to coexist peacefully and cooperatively, without losing themselves completely.

Above all else, a healthy marriage is based on cooperation, consideration, kindness, respect, and love. No one expects perfection all of the time, but keep talking, and keep listening to each other, and … in my humble opinion, try to sit down to dinner together, as a family at least a few times a week. These planned together times really can help. If there is any one thing you can do to make your partner know that you care, listen. Be a good listener. If you aren’t now, learn how to do it. If your partner feels “heard” it will make a big difference.

And, an occasional beer never hurts!

Dear Stacy, I just found out that one of my bridesmaids is pregnant. My wedding isn’t until October but I’m really worried about her being able to fit into a dress and being able to stand and participate. Should I tell her she doesn’t have to do it? How can I find a dress that will fit my size 2 sister and my 7-month pregnant, size-8 bridesmaid? Any suggestions?

Ah yes. This is a classic and rest assured, you are not the only bride who has had to deal with this issue. Just like being in your twenties is a death ritualistic sentence to attend more weddings in one decade than people you will ever know in your lifetime, it is also a time when your friends begin to start having babies and growing their families.

First off, I assume your bridesmaid is a close friend, no? Talk to her. She is most likely feeling guilt and concerned about being able to there for you, so, be sure to be understanding of her situation. She most likely wants to still participate, but is also concerned about the same things you are worrying about. Will her dress fit? How will her dress fit? Will she be able to actually see her shoes?

The Dress. Once you choose your dress, talk to the seamstress at the store and find out what can be done to accommodate a growing belly. Be sure to have your bridesmaid measured and with any luck, she can order a larger dress that will have room for a belly and the rest can be altered to fit her chest and arms. In the unlikely situation that a dress can’t be made for her, consider having her wear the same color, but a different style dress. Many dress stores and designers now make dresses as separates so that people can buy a different size top and bottom. If you are really set on all your bridesmaids wearing the SAME dress, consider having her as a bridesmaid, but not walking down the aisle, that way, she can wear an alternative dress, but still participate. She could hand out programs and assist you in other ways, and not have to be so visible to all the guests.

Just be honest with your friend so that she will be honest with you about her limitations and capabilities.

The emotional side of a wedding and an engagement isn’t often mentioned. I happened to pick up a book on an end-cap sale rack a few months ago and started reading it. At the time, I didn’t really understand all the things it was saying, but over time, and after I pulled myself out of a bad month-long depression, I realized, I AM what this book is talking about.

I really recommend this book because it helped me understand why there were times when I wasn’t happy about getting married. Combining finances was SO difficult for me. At the time we did this, it seemed that no one understood. None of my friends were in that position. It was very hard to explain that I felt like I was losing control and independence but gaining financial security. It took awhile before watching my paycheck go to different accounts became second nature. Just recently, a friend of mine was combining finances with her soon-to-be-husband and she was complaining about the same feeling of losing something but gaining something else. This is really normal, just, no one talks about this because they are took busy asking what your dress looks like. Brides need to understand they are not alone. Planning a wedding can be fun and trying, but getting married is a HUGE change in lifestyle. You can’t expect to be happy about each change immediately, especially when there is a loss of control before the benefits kick in.

I highly recommend this book for any new bride-to-be, or even a recent bride who is just married.