Wedding Tactics

Sometime within the first forty-five minutes of wearing a diamond ring, the average bride realizes she needs to register for gifts. At this point, there is no wedding date, no venue, no flowers, no dress, just a ring, a question and the very decided “yes”.

Average bride will begin to mention to average groom-to-be that they need to make plans to register. Soon. Like, say, tomorrow morning.

At this point, the average groom looks at his dearly intended and realizes for the first of many times that is no longer in charge. He sighs but complies, because that is what good men do, listen and do what they are told. No?

Two months later, after a torrential period of nagging, begging and the occasional tear, the begrudging groom will oblige his dearly intended and they get in the car and joyfully-her/half-heartedly-him drive to the nearest Bed Bath and Beyond.

At the Registry counter of any department store in any-ville, America, right now, there is a man and woman about to experience exactly what I am describing.

Men - take notes!
Ladies - it really is this awesome.

After the messy red tape of a few pieces of paperwork, a store clerk will pull out a sku-gun. This is a tool vaguely resembling an actual weapon. Its purpose is to scan a sku, or UPC code and record that item to be later placed on your registry.

Groom’s eyes widen and for the first time since the moment he bought the ring, he feels control, power, choices! options! For he is wielding a mighty tool. Mightier than the electric drill.

The bride will now wander to the section of the store that is home to the much sought-after Kitchen-Aid mixer. She will read the label descriptions about the five-quart mixer and compare that to the six-quart mixer. She will debate and ask the groom what he thinks. As she notices drool on his chin, she quickly changes her question to color.

What color should we get? It only comes in black, white, orange, yellow, pea green, cobalt blue, empire red, copper, nickel, chrome, brushed steel, pearl, cinnamon and dark pewter.

Conversation ensues:

GROOM - {begins to choke on drool}

BRIDE - I think the yellow is so retro and funky, but the chrome will go with any kitchen we ever have!

GROOM - Ok.

The soon-to-be wed couple decide on the white Kitchen Aid because the groom has no taste or sense of adventure and doesn’t actually know what the Kitchen Aid IS. Also, the bride has read the How To Register Instructions and knows she can access her registry online and will soon change the color choice. She then tells her dear groom to scan the item.

“How?” he says…

Slightly annoyed at his lack of participation, bride retorts, “hold the gun and press the button until it beeps and then press enter.”

“That’s it?”

“YEAH!”

The happy bride walks googley-eyed to the bedding section to choose her sheets. For the first time in her life she can select sheets with a thread count higher than 250.

Meanwhile, the dear groom has realized the power he holds at his fingertips. He walks from one end of the aisle to the next examining every end-cap along the way stopping to add a quesadilla maker, fake boobs, condoms (Yes! Bed Bath and Beyond have these at the stores that have a health and beauty section) and a lint roller to his registry.

Half an hour later the bride emerges from the depths of the sheet collection to realize she has been talking to herself for a very long time and nothing she pointed at was zapped and recorded in her registry and then, she glances up to notice her dear husband-to-be excitedly adding two massagey-chairs and a football-themed hammock swing to the registry.

She tells her dear intended groom that they have done enough work for today and they can come back. He stutters but she grabs the gun and returns it to the clerk. The groom will excitedly talk about how fun it is to be involved and he is so glad he got to participate. The bride nods knowingly with a proud smirk.

Later that day when she checks her registry from the safety and comfort of her home computer, she learns just what the groom added to the registry, deletes the fake boobs and declares to go back to the store ALONE.

She also changes the Kitchen-Aid color to cobalt blue.

The invitation arrived in the mail a month ago and you just sent back the reply card with a check next to will attend and chicken. You mark your calendar blackberry and head to your closet or the nearest department store to decide what to wear.

You might think to yourself that it IS easier to be in the wedding party because then you don’t have to choose your own clothes. Huh, tough call. There are a few simple rules to follow to ensure that you do not stick out like a sore thumb for being over or under dressed, or the lady with the stupid hat. The idea is to be dressed appropriately for the event, time of day, location and most of all, wear something that compliments your body, or really, doesn’t make you look like a whore. It is, after all, somebody’s wedding.

WOMEN:

A short dress or not-too-business like suit is acceptable for a casual or semi-formal daytime wedding. For an evening wedding, informal or semi-formal, think: country club, garden wedding, pool or lakeside, a cocktail dress is called for. If the wedding takes place midday and is formal, think: a VIP wedding, suits and dresses are appropriate and hats and gloves are optional, a la Jackie Kennedy. Evening and black-tie events dictate a long dress or a fancy short cocktail dress stepped up with glitzy accessories or a shoulder wrap. They may be few and far between, but a white tie ultra formal event calls for a long gown and extra glam like furs, and rented diamond jewelery.

MEN:

During the day a man should wear a dress shirt, pants and a sports coat. A suit is best for an evening wedding or a formal daytime wedding. You are safer if the suit is dark in color. A light colored suit is acceptable for a lakeside or beach wedding. I hope I don’t need to say, SUIT AND TIE. Please, please tell me that it implied that when I say wear a suit you know I mean, suit and tie. If you are attending a nighttime wedding or the invitation specifies black-tie, men should wear a tuxedo.

If you want to read more about how what is expected of a wedding guest and how to be a gracious guest, click here.

While you really don’t need too much stuff on your honeymoon, it can be good to have a guideline as to what you should consider packing.

If you are going to a beachy resort here are things that will come in handy:

- Swimsuits (two or three for girls, at least two for the guys)
- Beach Cover-ups (be sure to check the guidebooks, some island nations are more conservative and resorts prefer that you wear full cover-ups when walking from your room to the pool or beach)
- Sunglasses
- Hat (Ladies… consider a wide-brimmed hat, it will protect your face, neck and shoulders from the strong tropical sun-rays) Also, for guys and gals, that tropical sunshine is really strong and your hair part WILL burn. Wear a damn hat, folks.
- A small shoulder bag or tote to use as beach and pool bag
- Flip-flops
- Several (2-3) tank tops and nice t-shirts
- Several (2-3) pairs of shorts and pants, think khaki dress pants or linen pants or shorts
- 2 or 3 skirts and dresses (in those formal, conservative places you’ll love having dresses)
- Cocktail dress
- Cardigan or wrap for those cool nights
- Sandals for day and evening (Men will need a pair of closed-toe shoes for the restaurants at night)
- Purse and, or an evening bag
- Sleepwear
- Sexy lingerie
- Gym clothes, socks and tennis shoes
- Sunscreen
- A book, magazine, iPod or portable DVD player — think beach and poolside entertainment

For more tips on honeymoon travel, click here.

It isn’t much of a secret that traditional weddings use a lot of STUFF and are not exactly known for being earth-friendly or resourceful. But you can change that starting right here! With just a little forethought and some action plans you can make your wedding environmentally friendly, economical and create less waste.

By considering where your wedding food and decorations are coming from and making a few simple choices and changes you can help to eliminate transportation fees and added traffic. Using an on-site caterer for all of your food and beverage needs, as well as having the cake prepared on-site will take a refrigerated truck off of your local roads and you will be saving the fees associated with those deliveries.

Florists usually have delivery fees as well and they cart those gorgeous blooms around in a truck, a big ‘ole refrigerated one, which means more gas and more environmental impact. Consider negotiating with them to deliver a day or so before hand and use the refrigerator on-site to store the flowers until the event, if they are able to deliver at a less traffic-congested hour or when it is more convenient for them, they might be willing to waive delivery fees and you won’t be making any more traffic.

Weddings often give out programs which use several different kinds of paper and often ribbon too. If you put out a collection box near your gift or cake table people can return them so you can save them or dispose of them responsibly at your local recycling center. Or, just skip this step and save yourself the cost and time of preparing programs which usually just result in paper waste.

Jewish weddings usually give out personalized yarmulkes. If you take it home and lay it inside of a drawer you can have the perfect soft and contained spot for a rings or pair of earrings.

Also, consider printing your invitations on recycled paper and print on the back side a request that they be recycled.

Just by taking a few minutes to consider alternatives and other uses for items used in your wedding you can make a big impact on your local environment, and often times, your wallet.

I have written this article several times before but I love this concept, so I revised a few of the issues and here it is again folks. Be a good guest. It matters. And if you have a bad guest, email me (thestacy@gmail.com) and tell me all about it and print out this here GEM of an article, if I do say so myself and mail it to them.

Unfortunately there are many people out there who have missed this article and will never read it so I’ve decided to summarize a few general concepts and hope that this web-page finds ALL OF YOUR guests, you know, just in case.

First: Send back the damn reply card. On time. Don’t ADD to the choices for food options. Be gracious and choose one. If you have an allergy or a special medical need, bring your own food or if you know the family well enough, contact someone other than the bride or groom, possibly a mother, sister or close friend of the couple and ask them if an alternative is available.

I know, I am a tab bit hard to please and my standards are sky high, but, whatever, I’m married now, so it doesn’t matter, right?

Anyway, to be a good guest, you just need to express some thanks for being invited and some mindfulness on replying on time. A good guest is not defined by one who gives a lot of money or lavish gifts. Quite the opposite! Just be grateful the couple chose to involve you in their most important day.

Congratulations! You’ve been invited to a wedding. Read the invitation and reply card carefully. Make a note of who is invited; you and a guest, you and a spouse, you and your family with kids. Chances are the engaged couple has thought very long and hard about your and guest or and family situation. Don’t ask to bring people who are not invited. I don’t particularly like any of the exceptions to this rule, however, if the engaged couple hasn’t seen you in a few months and there is someone new in your life who is quite important (defining this role is a slippery slope, however), call the couple and tell them you are dating someone very special and if they have room you would love to bring them, but you fully understand if they are faced with limited seating. If you are told you may bring a guest, by all means, be sure to bring someone, as they will have paid for another plate.

One more rule of being a good guest: ARRIVE ON TIME. In fact, arrive early. Weddings start at the time listed on the invitation. Consider the time it takes to part and walk to the venue and be seated. Plan to arrive 15-30 minutes prior to the ceremony.

Weddings are expensive. The couple chose to include you in something very special to them. Give a gift, within your means of course, and have a good time!

The magical links of the interweb have brought my attention to this. A bachelorette gift basket packaged in a trash can that is marketed as a BARF BUCKET. I’m really kinda at a loss for words on this one, so rather than pontificate about what I think is appropriate public behavior, I think I’ll take the high road and be gracious and just pass this photo along to all of ya’ll.

WHAT!?

Dear Stacy: Should I invite the parents of those in my bridal party to the wedding? Several of the groomsmen have been friends since they were children, over fifteen years now, while I’ve only known some of my bridesmaids for about two years and I certainly don’t know their parents. I feel that if we invite some of the parents, we should invite all. Do you agree? Please help me settle this issue without any hurt feelings.

Ah. I think this issue is more common that we might expect. When you are not the one planning the wedding all of these smaller debatable issues don’t seem so crisis of the day but I know that when you are deciding who to invite and what to spend every small decision seems monstrous. So, first things first, okay?

Sometimes it is easier to think about these issues when you are slightly removed from the situation, for example, go out for a coffee with a girlfriend who isn’t too involved in the wedding and who doesn’t mind hearing you wax poetic like about your wedding woes. If your husband-to-be is supper supportive and not likely to take sides or insert his opinion, ask him to be your sounding board.

First, remember that this is your wedding, your day, your money, you invite those who you want to invite. Period. Nothing is ever really that simple, right? Next question is: Do you know these parents? If you, your financee or your parents know the parents of the bridal party member then perhaps they should be invited. If they don’t live locally, you can possible cross them off based on this fact, if you are looking to cut down on your guest list. By no means do you need to make it equal. (DO NOT THINK:Invite the mother of a bridesmaid and therefore the mother of a groomsman too?) Overall, if the parents of a bridal party member are people you want with you on your day of celebration, then invite them.

Chances are the parents of other friends will not feel at all excluded, and they still might send a congratulatory gift!

I recently met a new mother through a good friend of mine and we exchanged contact information. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had given me her maiden name, not her married name. I am told she plans to change her name any day now. Thing is? She’s been married for over two years now.

When I got married I changed my last name the first full day I was home from the honeymoon.

So did two friends of mine. We all married under the age of thirty, some of us closer to it than others. And neither of us had made a seriously substantial name for ourselves in our respective careers.

Of course, there are some other things that change after you get married. To read more about what you might want to consider, dread or even look forward to, click here.

So what’s the deal these days on changing your name? Keeping your last name? Or, the ultimate, taking on a new name without letting go of the old one.

Regardless of the reasons for changing your name, it is best to start with the Social Security Administration.

For some, its a matter of letting go of the past and all that is attached to a name. It can also be a chance to become someone else, a new you perhaps, or it can just signify that your new roles, wife, spouse, perhaps even mother?

Some people want a name that is easier to spell, easier to pronounce, or one less or even more conspicuous, hinting towards an ethnic background or religious affiliation. And for some it is just a question of tradition, establishing yourself in your newly created family.

I’m curious, did you change your name after you got married? If so, how soon did you make the change?

I’ve been writing for Wedding Tactics for a full year now. When I started maintaining this site I didn’t know what it would become and how long I’d be writing. In fact, at the time, 451 Press was still just getting off the ground. In fact, its been pretty amazing watching the network grow along with my site.

My first posting discussed the differences between a marriage and a wedding. The first few months following this entry I used the planning of my own wedding as a guide for what to write about.

A few times I mentioned the issues in gaining a new set of parents and specifically, the mother-in-law.

I wrote a lot about dresses and veils and accessories.
And for a few months I had featured columns on certain days of the week, Trends on Tuesday and Traditions Thursday. I used these headlines as a means to explain traditions like the tossing of the garter.

April was a very popular month on this site. My stats went thru the roof, but that was a very popular wedding time of year. I get asked frequently about the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue thing. The meaning and its history are detailed here.

One of my all-time favorite posting was about what guests should wear to a wedding. I noticed during the Spring months that several clothing stores were featuring lines of dresses for wedding guests. This is a good guide to style options depending on the wedding venue.

I got married in May. Then, I started a new job in June and my postings got a bit less frequent for awhile. Meanwhile, I did profile some great summer wedding themes.

As the year went on I tried to focus on all the different issues surrounding weddings, including mens clothing, or, tuxedos and a few funny stories too, like this one about a guy who lost his wedding ring.

And, finally, the most recent repeating column, Wedding Tactics: On Location, features vendors and venues in random cities. By featuring actual wedding business providers across the nation, I hope that readers from all states will be attracted to read and follow along and also to ask questions and participate in the Wedding Tactics dialogue. The On-Location feature can be seen here, here and here. And also here.

Thanks to all the readers who made this a successful year for me and 451 Press. I look forward to another even better year here.

Happy New Year!

Thanks to Reader Andrea for asking me this question. I decided that I had enough to say about being a pregnant bridesmaid that I needed to write a follow-up entry about it.

Dear Stacy: You mentioned here that you were going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding while you were (very) pregnant…I have just found out I’ll be in two weddings at my 7 month mark and would love to hear more about your dress choice/fittings/lessons learned from the experience as a soon-to-be mom. Thanks and good luck with your newest addition!

Yes, I was in a wedding at 30 weeks pregnant. I was big. To give you an idea of my preggo shape, pre-pregnancy I was a medium build, larger busted, 5′4″ curvy but fit person. My pregnant belly is very much a big round belly all out front. I gained a little weight in my legs and arms but at the 30 week mark I wasn’t too preoccupied with it. Basically, my arms have looked fatter not pregnant. So, it was really a matter of fitting a should-be sleek gown over my not-so-sleek figure.

Here is what I suggest and what I learned … talk with the bride before hand of course and hopefully she will be understanding of your needs. Such as needing to sit more than usual or needing to much on crackers while your hair is being done. The wedding I was in was that of my closest friend and she was more worried about me than she ever needed to be … hopefully your bride will be slightly similar. I felt a little bad about being so much of a spectacle at my good friend’s wedding, but she didn’t see it that way.

I didn’t choose the dress myself, the bride did. She didn’t choose it specifically for my potential growth, but it ended up working out well. When she chose it, I wasn’t even showing at all - just bloated really. It was an empire waist gown which meant the only measurement was taken at the bust. They measured me in June when I was just at the end of my first trimester and added four inches to accommodate for any potential bust enhancements. In retrospect, they overestimated way too much. My chest didn’t grow that much, I was always, um, full-chested, but I didn’t grow drastically in size. I did go from a 34 inch bra to a 38 very early on, but I’m carrying high and I guess it was my rib cage expanding. I got pregnant at about a size 10 and the dress they ordered was a size 20!!! The bust ended up being a little too large, even though it was altered, and done well, I might add, the depth of the bust piece was larger than it should have been. However! The dress was navy which hid any imperfections that a light color wouldn’t.

I was going to wear heels … the other bridesmaids, were all taller than me and feeling so round as it was, I wanted to at least have height … but they talked me into flats at the last moment and I was really glad they did. My feet were not swollen then, but the heels would have been really not comfortable.

Oh, back to the dress issue: I would have preferred a maternity specific gown, however, at the time, I had no idea how big I would be and the bride wanted all the fabrics to be the same. I believe it was sheer over satin, or something that looked like that. And, that fabric didn’t come on the maternity styles. Many bridesmaid dress lines come also in maternity styles where you pick out a skirt (elastic waist) and the tops are what vary in coverage and style. I highly recommend trying to get a maternity dress if possible, otherwise, definitely, an empire waist — where it fits at the bust and then just hangs loosely.

I did feel large. I did feel out of place. But - I just decided to go with the flow. I wore something tight to the rehearsal dinner so it was obvious that I was pregnant and proud and that way, the next day, in the navy colored tent, I knew people KNEW I was just pregnant, not trying to shoplift a small chair under my dress.

And, finally, tips for getting through the day. At 30 weeks I had just hit the third trimester mark and I was getting tired easily again. I was worried about making it through the day without getting a headache or feeling nauseous, as I was starting to when I got overtired. So, I slept late that morning, ate well, packed some snacks and sat down as much as possible during the getting ready part. I tried to stay calm and relaxed too which helped a bit. During the ceremony, I sat a lot more than I usually would have too.

I recommend the following if possible:

1. A darker colored dress, it will hide imperfections that alterations can’t fix, will give you a slimmer line, and makes you feel a little less like a moonbeam when walking across the dance floor.
2. Flat shoes or very low wide heels
3. Don’t forget to eat and drink throughout the day.
4. Don’t be afraid to sit down when you need to — conserve your energy so you can enjoy the whole event.

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

This is NOT me and NOT my dress. But, you know, it could be this bad

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding on October 14th. Four weeks from today, exactly.

I am 25 weeks pregnant and will be 30 weeks pregnant at that wedding.

For those of ya’ll who don’t know, that’s grossly and obscenely pregnant. Most pregnancies are about 40 weeks long but 37 weeks is totally full term and ready to pop.

I’m wearing a real dress too. Or at least, that is the plan. I will definitely post pictures and explain in detail what my seamstress did once I get my dress back. I can’t get my final alterations until just at the last minute, for obvious reasons.

But, the bride is being very considerate and giving me a chair to sit in during the ceremony. I should only have to wear my heels for pictures and for walking down the aisle.

I am a little uneasy about posing for photos with three other women who are a combined total of a size ten. I mean, they are size 0, 4, and 6 respectively and I will be a shadow-casting whale in my pregnant glory. Oy.

It is very much possible to incorporate pregnant friends into a wedding. Try to be as understanding as possible, especially if you haven’t experienced pregnancy yourself. You have no idea how much her back is hurting or how swollen her feet really are. Offer to have chairs nearby and if all of that is too much for you to worry about, have a heart to heart conversation about with your bridesmaid about how she feels about possibly NOT being in the wedding party but rather just helping out in different ways. You might be very surprised at how happy she is to relinquish her duties.

pregnancy, pregnant, bridesmaid, dress, wedding

I just read an article this weekend about a local wedding that topped $800,000. It was held at the Mayflower Hotel and the bride wore a handmade oriental silk gown.

In case you didn’t see that correctly and I didn’t the first time I glanced at it, a wedding that pushed eight hundred thousand dollars. And these people were not celebrities or politicians or anyone worth knowing really.

In fact, the newlyweds are under FBI investigation for running a fraudulent mortgage-foreclosure business that stripped people of their entire home equity and not assisting them as promised to get a lower mortgage rate as promised.

They gave their attendants ridiculously lavish gifts, including a home, a Porsche and ten thousand dollars in cash. (And I thought an engraved paperweight was sufficient!)

I particularly like that her 42-foot train was “adorned with bling”. Because, what’s a forty-two foot train without bling? And by “bling” I totally mean, Swarovski crystals, not crap from Claire’s.

DISCLAIMER:
I feature this wedding for the sole purpose of making fun of their lavish choices. I do not in any way condone spending this much on a wedding nor do I feel it is even remotely necessary to have a satisfying wedding and a happy and productive marriage. Quite the contrary. And lastly, due to the questionably nature of the couple’s “business” I think it is a real shame that innocent people were possibly scammed out of their home equity and this is how the money was spent.

Oh, and 42 feet! Deep-sea fishing boats are shorter!!!

Prince George’s Fairy Tale Unravels For Woman at Center of Fraud Probe, jackson, fordham, 42 foot train, mayflower hotel, 0, 000, wedding, metropolitan money store, lanham, maryland

Eeek! It has been way too long since an actual posting, but, ya’ll, I swear to ya I was out doing field research.

Really!

I went to a wedding this weekend in Philadelphia. Out in the suburbs at the Green Valley Country Club. It was quite elegant, sophisticated and very traditional and well put together. I am pretty sure the bride had significant planning assistance from her mother, but that is neither here nor there. While these people are my friends, I can’t critique the wedding as I would if I didn’t know them, but I do honestly think everything went off quite well and without a hitch. I don’t know the reasoning behind certain things, so I will just give my opinions as an outsider looking in.

The wedding was scheduled for 7:30 on Saturday evening which gave me, a guest plenty of time to get sunburned all afternoon sitting by the pool. I did appreciate the down time, but I think a staple in the hotel gift bag should be sunscreen!

The ceremony began on time, inside in half of the main ballroom. The other half was already set up for the dinner to follow. This is one of the main drawbacks, if you will, of having a country club wedding where you have the ceremony and reception both indoors. If you are using the same room for both parts of the wedding, you will have to provide a cocktail hour for guests so that the staff can do a quick set-up change from ceremony to reception. This is common and places are accustomed to doing this, but be aware that the staff may be setting up the tables and decor, not the florist.

There was a wedding band, and in all honesty, they were the best wedding band I have ever heard. I do imagine that came at quite a cost, however, I had a DJ at my wedding so I cannot compare. If you are having a wedding in the Philly area and are interested in knowing who this band is, please email me, I will happily find out for you.

The cocktail hour food was wuite impressive, a crudite and cracker table, a lamb and roast beef table, a quesadilla stand, and many salads interspersed. Also, top shelf liquor too, including Mt. Gay Rum and Ketel One Vodka. All 220 guests were pleased.

Dinner was equally fabulous, filet mignon and a very good crab cake served over some fabulous risotto. There was a dessert served on top of wedding cake.

The bride and groom sat at a sweetheart table covered in rose petals and mini-centerpieces. The bride even changed shoes mid-reception opting for some glass-slipper look-alike Stuart Weitzman mary janes.

This was definitely a high end wedding, and quite fun to attend.

Tall centerpiece.

Low Centerpiece.

Small accents on every table surrounding the main centerpiece. Oh! And fancy linens too!

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So you’ve got an awesome ring on your finger and a goofy smile on your face but you know you need to start thinking about things like, a date!, a venue!, indoor or outdoor, flower and color schemes, dresses, eight bridesmaids or just a maid of honor? The list can goes on and on. But, where the heck do you start your wedding planning? And oh! dear lord, the finances.

Yes, this is a difficult time, in light of the recent excitement going on. Each decision you make, while sometimes it seems only begs more unopened questions, actually is one thing crossed off the long list of wedding to-do’s.

First and foremost, consider what type of wedding your want. And then, consider what you can afford and what works for you and your family and, the most deciding factor, what venues are available when you want them. Do you want a wedding at a country club with the ceremony and reception at the same place? Complete with outdoor photos, fresh air and all the colors nature provides. But! You are at the mercy of the weather. Do you want a wedding in a church with a huge long aisle, a conservative and formal ceremony with a fancy reception afterwards at a club or fancy restaurant? Do you want a backyard ceremony, perhaps you know someone who has a farm or a country home, with a large rented tent for the reception? Do you want a beach wedding, where you all wear flip-flops and take pictures barefoot, followed by a seafood barbeque?

The options are truly endless and you have to think about where you would like to spend your day. What type of environment makes you relaxed and just brings a smile to your face? Once you know what kind of place you want to have your wedding you can start looking AT places and their prices and availabilities.

If you have family and friends who want to help and offer to look at venues for you, by all means, take them up on it. Let people collect information so that you can look over brochures and prices and then go and talk with the coordinators.

If all of these options just seem to make your eyes roll back into your head and your pupils turn to dollar signs, there are options! All of the above, while excellent options, are just that, options. I don’t think I would have enjoyed my wedding any more or less if we had cut more corners. What made my wedding so special was seeing my guests who had come from so far to see me get married. The food was good and the party went on in a relaxed and fun manner. This is what made my wedding so enjoyable.

If you live in a small town, look at local recreation halls, ask the fire department and ladies auxiliary clubs if they have large meeting space you can use for a reception. If you are crafty, you can make your own flower arrangements

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