Wedding Tactics

Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

I’ve been writing for Wedding Tactics for a full year now. When I started maintaining this site I didn’t know what it would become and how long I’d be writing. In fact, at the time, 451 Press was still just getting off the ground. In fact, its been pretty amazing watching the network grow along with my site.

My first posting discussed the differences between a marriage and a wedding. The first few months following this entry I used the planning of my own wedding as a guide for what to write about.

A few times I mentioned the issues in gaining a new set of parents and specifically, the mother-in-law.

I wrote a lot about dresses and veils and accessories.
And for a few months I had featured columns on certain days of the week, Trends on Tuesday and Traditions Thursday. I used these headlines as a means to explain traditions like the tossing of the garter.

April was a very popular month on this site. My stats went thru the roof, but that was a very popular wedding time of year. I get asked frequently about the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue thing. The meaning and its history are detailed here.

One of my all-time favorite posting was about what guests should wear to a wedding. I noticed during the Spring months that several clothing stores were featuring lines of dresses for wedding guests. This is a good guide to style options depending on the wedding venue.

I got married in May. Then, I started a new job in June and my postings got a bit less frequent for awhile. Meanwhile, I did profile some great summer wedding themes.

As the year went on I tried to focus on all the different issues surrounding weddings, including mens clothing, or, tuxedos and a few funny stories too, like this one about a guy who lost his wedding ring.

And, finally, the most recent repeating column, Wedding Tactics: On Location, features vendors and venues in random cities. By featuring actual wedding business providers across the nation, I hope that readers from all states will be attracted to read and follow along and also to ask questions and participate in the Wedding Tactics dialogue. The On-Location feature can be seen here, here and here. And also here.

Thanks to all the readers who made this a successful year for me and 451 Press. I look forward to another even better year here.

Happy New Year!

While you really don’t need too much stuff on your honeymoon, it can be good to have a guideline as to what you should consider packing.

If you are going to a beachy resort here are things that will come in handy:

- Swimsuits (two or three for girls, at least two for the guys)
- Beach Cover-ups (be sure to check the guidebooks, some island nations are more conservative and resorts prefer that you wear full cover-ups when walking from your room to the pool or beach)
- Sunglasses
- Hat (Ladies… consider a wide-brimmed hat, it will protect your face, neck and shoulders from the strong tropical sun-rays) Also, for guys and gals, that tropical sunshine is really strong and your hair part WILL burn. Wear a damn hat, folks.
- A small shoulder bag or tote to use as beach and pool bag
- Flip-flops
- Several (2-3) tank tops and nice t-shirts
- Several (2-3) pairs of shorts and pants, think khaki dress pants or linen pants or shorts
- 2 or 3 skirts and dresses (in those formal, conservative places you’ll love having dresses)
- Cocktail dress
- Cardigan or wrap for those cool nights
- Sandals for day and evening (Men will need a pair of closed-toe shoes for the restaurants at night)
- Purse and, or an evening bag
- Sleepwear
- Sexy lingerie
- Gym clothes, socks and tennis shoes
- Sunscreen
- A book, magazine, iPod or portable DVD player — think beach and poolside entertainment

For more tips on honeymoon travel, click here.

When I was planning my wedding, less than a year ago, I spent hours just looking for images on the Internet to give me ideas for everything from centerpieces to hairpieces. To help you with your wedding planning, I’ve decided to create an entry consisting of photos to help give you ideas. As the seasons change, wedding colors and dress styles change, so there really are endless ideas and images to choose from. When possible, I will give as much detail about the type of flower or brand of dress that I feature. If you have questions about where I found a certain image, please email me or leave a comment and I will give you more information.

Hairstyles

I predict that 2008 will see a lot of soft low-bun hairstyles with gentle accents like flowers and beading. If you are going to put flowers in your hair, be sure to speak with a florist first and use the ones that are most likely to hold up the longest. For example, stephanotis are great flowers, their little white brilliance is perfect for bridal hair, but they wilt very quickly in sunlight and heat. Instead, use orchids, they are much more hardy.
More hairstyle info can be found by clicking here.

Placement Cards

I really like these placement cards for an afternoon beach-side wedding. While they are not the most elegant, they are cute and would go very well with a surfer/beach/ocean ish theme. You can even touch it up by using a place-card holder like a little mini Adirondack chair or a small photo frame.

Flowers
I really like this bridesmaid bouquet. First of all, I love the pink! Gerber Daisies are one of my favorite flowers. I think they are whimsical and classic — at the same time. Also, the wrapping on the stems adds a very elegant touch. Also, as a bridesmaid, it helps to have something like that ribbon to pin a few extra hair pins into. You never know when the bride might need her veil re-secured.

A … A-line skirt. Invented in the 1960s, it refers to a skirt that is slightly flared at the bottom, creating a very nice line for many body types.

B … Best Man: the term given to the head male assisting the groom in a wedding. In current times, a best man is generally responsible for planning a bachelor party, helping on the wedding day, holding the rings during the ceremony and providing friendly moral support to the groom and the couple.

C … Cut, Color, Carat, and Clarity The cour C’s of a diamond. Cut refers to the shape of the diamond, is it round, oval, pear shaped or emerald cut (rectangle). Color refers to the clearness of the diamond. Not all diamonds are alike. In fact, they are ranked on a scale of color from D to Z. But, for a ring, color usually only goes up to about a J. Anything higher and the stone will have a deeper yellowish to brown color. It is still a diamond, just not a clear diamond.

D … Diamond Engagement Ring

E … Engagement! The average first marriage engagement lasts 9-12 months and the average second marriage engagement lasts anywhere from three to six months.

F … Flowers! Most wedding ceremonies have many flowers as decorations. People use fresh, silk and dried flowers of all different colors and textures to create relaxing, romantic atmospheres for their wedding ceremonies. When it comes to choosing wedding flowers, the sky is truly the limit. You can spend as little as a few hundred to as much as thousands.

G … Guests. GUESTS. Guests can make a wedding the party that you want it to be. They give gifts and come to celebrate with you. They cost you the bulk of your wedding budget in food and alcohol and too often people decorate just to amuse the guests. Without guests, you really don’t have a wedding. It’s a catch-22. This article here talks about how to be a good guest, in a not-too-patronizing kind of way. This one here talks about what NOT to do, as a guest.

H … Honeymoon!!

I … Investment. Consider investing some of your wedding gifts so you can create a nest egg or just a small savings for household projects or future vacations.

J … Jewelery. In many cultures married people wear a wedding band as a sign that they are married. For many, this is as simple as a solid metal band made of gold, platinum, silver or titanium. Others prefer a fancier approach and their rings include diamonds and other stones. To see some modern day matching band sets, click here. And, to read about why should NOT take your ring off, ever really, but in public, click here. And read all the way to the bottom for ring cleaning instructions.

K … Kippot, or, yarmulke. In a Jewish wedding you will see the groom and all male guests wearing a head covering called a kippot.

L … Love. Don’t marry someone unless you really do love them. Marriage is not easy at times. Loving the person unconditionally will truly help in the tough times and make the good times even better.

M … Marriage. Wikipedia says marriage is an interpersonal relationship with government, social and religious recognition. Huh.

N … Nuptial. Nuptial is the adjective of Wedding. According to Wikipedia, it is used more in zoology to refer to mating season coupling, however, nuptials are also a marriage ceremony.

O … Outdoor weddings. Outside weddings are increasingly common and are a lot of fun. Usually reserved for the warm-weather months and more common in areas where the scenery is worth celebrating and can be incorporated as decoration in and of itself. Beach weddings, water-front weddings, boat-ride weddings, English-tea garden weddings are all very common wedding experiences.

P … Petals. Rose petals. Consider sprucing up your ceremony site by having rose petals line your aisle. It is a relatively inexpensive way to add some romantic detail to your ceremony site.

Q … Queen! At least you are for one day, so be sure to act like it! Remember that this is your wedding day. And you only get one. You have spent a lot of time planning and dreaming about this day, not to mention you have spent a lot of money on this day too. It is OKAY to be a little demanding and expect that people will put aside petty issues and just celebrate with you. Keep this in mind when dealing with annoying relatives and unruly vendors. You are paying the vendors to do a job for you and you have a right to expect that things be done according to plan and on time. From family members, you have a right to expect that they will put aside petty differences for a few hours for your sake. If they don’t, ask them to deal with these issues tomorrow because you would like the party to be a party.

R … Royal Doulton. Creators of china patterns and casual tableware.

S … Square Diamond.
Or, Princess Cut, as it is commonly referred to as is a very common style of engagement ring.

T … Tuxedo. Most men get married in a tuxedo. The most formal of men’s suits, tuxedos are easy and affordable to rent from a number of local and nationwide stores. Plan ahead and choose a tuxedo style and pattern about four months prior to your wedding so that all the groomsmen and fathers have time to get fitted and secure their rentals.

U … Unwind. Be sure to take some time prior to your wedding to spend some relaxing time with your family. It’s a special time and it will help you relax and focus on your big day ahead.

V … Vera Wang. Not only making dresses these days, Vera Wang has a line of household goods including china, silver and glassware.

W … Winnie Couture

X … X-tras! Be sure to keep an eye out for extras in your wedding planning. Ask all your vendors if they have seasonal specials or even reduced prices for holding your event at less popular times, like Sunday afternoons, Friday evenings and after a holiday weekend.

Y … Yolanda Couture.

Z … Zzzzz…… Sleep! Be sure to get some sleep the night before your wedding. It will help you keep going strong all day and make you feel better too. If you haven’t gotten much rest during your months spent wedding planning, be sure to plan a relaxing honeymoon where you can get plenty of rest. On a beach, in a hammock, on a boat, in the sun, in bed on a rainy afternoon …. many couples spend the first day or so of their honeymoon catching up on much needed rest.

The minute a woman becomes a bride she starts thinking about what her something new, old, borrowed and blue will be.

The origin of this little jingle goes back to Victorian times. The “old” represents the bond to the bride’s family and her life prior to the wedding; the “new” represents the new life the couple will have together and all the happiness, prosperity and success they will share; the “borrowed” item is something loaned to the bride from a happily married woman meant to impart similar happiness. The “blue” something represents fidelity and constancy.

Some common items for each “something”:

Something New:
Your dress, your shoes, anything new that you are wearing or have just bought

Something Old:
A family heirloom piece of jewelry, wear your grandma’s earrings, or your mother’s pearls, if that is too outdatded for you, consider carrying, discreetly, a old handkerchief.

Something Borrowed:
Borrow anything, consider doubling with another category, perhaps borrow a friend’s sapphire necklace or earrings, wear a friend’s garter (extra points if it old and blue too!), borrow jewelery, borrow hair clips and pins.

Something Blue:
Blue garter, blue underwear, ask your seamstress to sew a blue ribbon inside one of the layers of your dress, wear a sapphire ring, necklace or blue stones in your hair. Or, if you are out of ideas, consider writing a special message to your husband-to-be on your stomach or leg in a blue marker.

Welcome to the first ever Wedding Tactics Contest!

First of hopefully many more.

I am going to start small, so this will be fairly simple and fairly easy to win, depending on how many people enter.

This is a question/comment contest. Each question (of value!) submitted as a comment between now (Monday August 6, 2007) and NOON eastern time on Friday, August 10th will be entered into a drawing which will take place on Friday night, whenever I get around to it. The winner will be emailed on Saturday, providing they leave in the comment field a valid email address. The winner will be selected at random - I will put all of ya’lls names in a hat and let me dear husband draw a name.

I am hoping to get valid feedback and questions that I can use to answer in postings and to refocus some of my writing. If you like this website, please submit a question and it will, in time, get answered.

Want to know what you are playing for!?

One lucky winner will receive a reversible crusher hat with “BRIDE” on the front in rhinestones, and “Just Married” on the inside. This actually makes a great sun-soaked honeymoon take-along.

Are you ready to play!? Great! Use the comment button or email me directly with questions about weddings, wedding planning, honeymoons, or even about my wedding. The questions will be answered in time and you will be entered to win that awesome hat pictured above.

If you are nearing the exciting almost-two-digit countdown, there are some very important and not too hard things to be considering and scheduling.

Unfortunately, so many of the planning and wedding shopping falls on the woman. But, guys! You can help out. Offer to make phone calls and go to meetings with vendors, take notes, and help keep a budget spreadsheet and just be supportive and offer your input. Chances are your bride-to-be does want you opinion and wants to be sure you are going to be happy with the wedding day.

At about ONE HUNDRED days from your wedding you should be deciding on what jewelry you will wear, identifying and buying shoes. Plan a few hours when you can wear the shoes indoors to break them in and make sure they don’t rub your feet the wrong way. If they do, you’ll know where to put the protective band-aid on the big day.

You should also be looking for a hair and make-up professional if you are going to have it done. Many stylists will come to you on your wedding day. If you don’t know where to start looking for stylists ask friends and coworkers if they know of someone who does that work or someone who recently got married. Ask your hairdresser or nail technician, ask at dress shops and ask other wedding vendors. I have several fabulous vendors and I was very careful to introduce them to each other because wedding vendors have an incredible network. You can also look on the bulletin boards of wedding websites, such as TheKnot.com.

At this point you and your fiancée should have agreed on a honeymoon locale and be in the process of booking and making reservations. It is usually recommended to do this about five to seven months prior to the wedding, but the time of year and season will greatly impact the rates that are available and how far in advance you should make plans.

wedding hair, hair styles, 100 days away, three months before the wedding, honeymoon plans, reservations

Brides have, out of tradition and habit mostly worn shoes like these for many years:

However! I am very humbled and quite relieved actually to see that flats and ballet-slippers have made a serious come back on the matrimonial aisle.

A bride may chose to wear a flat slipper simply to be more comfortable, to avoid the backache of wearing a heel and especially when the height difference with the groom isn’t too noticable.

A few of my favorites:

These shoes cost more than my wedding dress, but if they are exactly what you are searching for, then, it might be worth the investment.

Another pair I like, mainly for its superior affordability at $19.99 from Payless, these sparkly silver flats really go with many dresses.

If you are unsure about what shoes want to wear or, perhaps you want some height for your pictures but some comfort for your reception? Consider wearing a pair of heels and changing just after your ceremony to give your feet some easy for the rest of the evening.

The bridal emergency kit is the pillar of the wedding day. Chances are that the bride and her bridesmaids will be getting dressed together, away from the house, or already at the country club or church. This is really the last moment in the entire wedding process that anything can go wrong. If it can? It will.

Hence, the Bride’s Emergency Kit.

We recommend that the kit include the following:
Toothbrush and toothpaste
Band-aids
Mouthwash
Mints
Safety pins
Sewing kit
Hand lotion
Emery boards
Neosporin
Tylenol or Advil
A bottle of water
A package of crackers
Kleenex
Spray-on stain remover

… and anything you think your bride or bridal party may need.

This is a great gift idea that one of the bridesmaids can put together for a bride, or, a group of girlfriends can share this from wedding to wedding.

You know you are a bride when you start thinking about your something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

The origin of this little jingle goes back to Victorian times. The “old” represents the bond to the bride’s family and her life prior to the wedding; the “new” represents the new life the couple will have together and all the happiness, prosperity and success they will share; the “borrowed” is something loaned to the bride from a happily married woman. This item is meant to impart similar happiness. The “blue” something represents fidelity and constancy.

Here are my current ideas for my 4 somethings:

1. Something old: Carrying my grandma’s handkerchief
2. Something new: My dress, my shoes, duh!
3. Something borrowed: ???? Still searching for this one …
4. Something blue: Am wearing a ring with a sapphire that also belonged to my grandma

I suppose I will borrow an anklet from my Mom, or perhaps a bracelet. I’d love to wear a borrowed tennis bracelet. Hint Hint!! Anyone want to loan me one? The only requirement is that you are happily married. Heh.

I spent some time this weekend looking around the Internet for women’s wedding attire. Women GUESTS, that is.

I know that some of my guests are fretting over what they will wear to my wedding next month. Which, by the way, is Florida/Country Club/Evening. I am guessing it falls into the Country Club/Urban Evening Chic. And I actually get a little lost in that description!

While, at times, when I have been overly stressed I may have publically but, without mentioning names reminded guests that everyone will be looking at me, and it matters not what they wear. Alas! I am not in that mood today! And I am here to give some assvice and recommend some options to consider if you are frantically shopping for wedding attire. The Spiegel Website has an entire category of wedding-ready clothing options.

With the outfit choices broken down by wedding locale, Urban Afternoon, West Coast, East Coast, Country Afternoon, Country Evening, City Club and Country Club, you cannot go wrong with these options! Each outfit is shown with accompanying accessories, handbag and shoes. The ideas are endless!

This is really a great site to visit if you are attending any weddings this spring and summer. Even if you don’t want to buy these outfits, the ideas are really useful.

The Romantic Country Club look:

The City Club look:

The Country Afternoon look:

Spiegel Catalog, Women’s Wedding Attire, Country Club Wedding, Country afternoon wedding, Urban City Wedding, mother of the bride dress, mother of the groom dress

Marc and I have a great idea for our parent gifts. (If you are one of our parents, please stop reading. NOW. Really. STOP.)

…

…giving the parents time to think about leaving and not reading what is below.

… I was giving some thought to what we should give our parents as it is vaguely tradional for the almost-wed couple to give a few gifts at the rehersal dinner. Usually, a gift is given to all the attendants, members of the bridal party, and the parents.

I want to give our parents a little gift. I came up with the notion that we buy each of them, my mom and dad and Marc’s mom and dad a digital picture frame and we load the chip with 50+ photos of that specific family, pictures of each one of us as children, and then a few of Marc and myself together. I thought this was a great, unique and very special gift. Far more special than a Waterford crystal vase filled with Hershey’s kisses and hugs, accompanied by a note reading “Thanks for all your support, hugs and kisses, we wouldn’t be here without you.� That is not me. Or us.

Then! I started looking at prices for these so-called digital frames. HOLY HELL, they are NOT cheap, at least not from Brookstone. Then, I did some searching on Froogle.com and saw that you can get them for less than the cost of feeding five wedding guests. I think the digital frame with pictures specalized for each family is far better than, oh, say, a pair of socks that say Father of the Bride.

I happened to mention “parents giftsâ€? to my Aunt, who is very unmaterialistic and likes to tell me that I constantly flush my money away. She said that giving our parents a gift was unnecessary and a waste of money. But, I think it’s nice. Small or meaningful tokens are important, especially when given at such a special time as a wedding.

Some ideas for attendants gifts that the wedding websites are pushing aren’t so expensive, but also, aren’t too personal, such as:
A set of golfballs with wedding images on them:

I think it is important to thank the people who help you in your wedding planning, show you extensive support and love and spend their own money on traveling to your wedding. I want to give some small token gifts and few more serious “real meaning” gifts.

It isn’t easy to choose whe I get emails every other day telling me that some website has a sale on PINK MONOGRAMED FLASKS … I mean, dammit! I’m so excited, I better get seven of those now!

All this said, I think if you are going to give a gift, make it personal, and meaningful. Small gifts are nice ways to say thank you. However!! It isn’t required. The marriage license is REQUIRED, giving attendant gifts is not. See what I mean? There are a wide range of items in a wide range of prices. Do what you can and remember the end result and goal… a long healthy marriage.

Do you know the significance of wearing a garter under a wedding dress?

I’ve often found myself deeply pondering where this custom came from. Garters come in pretty delicate white and lace, every color under the rainbow and they even feature icons of sports teams, colleges, and sometimes, fancy crystals. You can usually find a very pretty one for about $5.99 or, you can spend a small fortune. Your choice. The cheapest one I found while researching this entry was $1.99. The most expensive I saw? $54.99.

According to Wedding Flowers and More the garter traditions hastens back to an old English tradition where friends of groom would rip off their socks (Pheew!) and throw them at the groom. The first one to hit the groom on the nose was the next to be married. Before wedding gowns were such valuable items, people would rip off a piece of the gown and toss that at the groom.

Thank GOD the sock tradition is no more! I’ll take a garter toss any day over stinky socks. Good thing too, ‘cause my wedding is in May, in Florida.

The tossing of the garter, and the subsequent catching of the garter is thought to be good luck.

I will be wearing a garter, I already have it. I actually bought it WAY before I was engaged, because it was perfect for Marc. But! Since it is so “perfect for Marc� … we won’t be tossing it.

It is also tradition for the bride to toss her bouquet to all the single women. Legend tells that the lucky gal to catch it will be the next to marry. After some quick calculations it seems that our guest list doesn’t include more than two single gals, and maybe one single guy. So, it doesn’t make much sense for us to do the tossing.

Themed Garters: The Wizard of Oz, featuring Toto (little weird, but you know, if it’s your thang!):

Fancy, pricey garter, with Swarovski crystal:

If your husband-to-be is a sports fanatic … (I can’t think of anyone like that!):