Wedding Tactics

Dear Readers,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this to you today, just over two years after I wrote my first posting here on Wedding Tactics.

It has been a pleasure to bring you wedding-related information and often times, wedding-un-related information. Thank you for seeing me through my own wedding ups and downs, and for giving me great fodder and etiquette questions to ponder over the years.

Weddings are really great times. They signify the merging of two families, two people coming together attempting to swim the murky waters of life and make a life together in happiness. I will warn you, the blissful feelings of your wedding day will fade in time, like rain clouds move in on a sunny picnic. Those clouds will drop rain but that too will pass and the grass will dry out again. A wedding is a day, an event, a celebration. A marriage is for life, at least it is intended that way and it should be. Marriage is difficult and trying at times and I caution you to take a moment in those harder times and remember the feelings of your being wedding day. Remember the flowers and the smiles and the kisses and why you decided to do it all in the first place. Remember how perfect you felt together walking hand-in-hand back down the aisle as a married couple for the first time.

Wedding planning can get hectic and emotions run high.  I urge you, don’t let the little problems get the best of you.  Remember what ultimately matters at the end of the day and what is most important.

This will be my last regular posting here on Wedding Tactics and I’m sad to be leaving, really, but as you well know, life moves on and I’m now juggling a family and more responsibility than I ever dreamed of on that one fateful day when I walked a rose-petal lined aisle under a cloud-less blue Florida sky where palm dreams looked like the did in my dreams. I have to cut back on some freelancing because there are only so many hours in the day.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing. Thanks for following my own wedding and for letting me be a part of your happiness. If you would like to contact me at any time, please feel free to email me with anything you have on your mind, thestacy (at) gmail (dot) com — I will still be maintaining my personal site, The Fabulous Miss. S if you want to check in for an update.

Melissa Sweet wedding gowns are a line of gowns made by Priscilla of Boston.

The gowns are diverse and appear to appeal to a variety of style preferences.

This Melissa Sweet gown is the MONICA. The surplice bodice is embroidered and the dress is silk garza in ivory.  I actually like the cinching at the waist. I think this gown would be magic on a tall slim bride at a beach or poolside wedding.  This gown feel casual, flirty and fun.

This strapless Melissa Sweet gown called the BILLIE has ruched and ruffled appliques.  The gown comes in white or ivory silk taffeta.   I know style is a very individual thing and this gown does appeal to someone, possibly even many of you, but I don’t like it.  The uneven neckline is very en vogue but it just over complicates this already busy and poofy dress.  The tea length skirt, however, makes it appropriate for an afternoon wedding, a tea-party wedding, garden ceremony and morning occasion.  It would also work well as a second gown for someone who is looking to wear something shorter and more fun feeling for the reception only.

The final Melissa Sweet wedding dress as my mercy is this classic, delicate lacy piece. Known as the HALLIE this strapless gown is very slim with a silhouette bodice.  It is made of French lace and comes in diamond white and ivory. It is also listed in the most expensive category.  I think this dress is gorgeous.  I think this gown is simple and classic, not too busy but gorgeous and romantic.  The gown is formal and fit for a formal evening event.

Cartier platinum wedding band.

My favorite wedding hair style is the gently pulled back bun:

This hairstyle was worn for a traditional church wedding in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This picture was taken by Faith West Photography.

And also:

This hairstyle was from a wedding in Frisco, Colorado. The bride is an earthy simple gal. This picture was taken by Karina Heneghan.

I know some people tend to think this is more elegant but personally, I’m not a fan of the harsh pull-back.

EHow explains how to get the shiny healthy hair that every bride wants.

Get any split ends you may have trimmed off. Regular trims are a must. Visit your stylist every four to six weeks to have the very ends trimmed to avoid your hair’s ends splitting.

For moderately damaged hair, find a good quality shampoo and conditioner. Choose products specifically for dry/damaged hair.

Try shampooing your hair less. Washing your hair every day can strip natural oils that help protect the hair and keep it looking and feeling healthy.

Give your hair a break from the heat. Whenever possible let your hair air dry either completely or most of the way and only blow dry to finish off the drying process. Try using your flat iron or hot rollers only every second or third day, which will be easier if you don’t wash your hair everyday. Just touch up in the morning instead of going through your entire styling routine.

Don’t want a new color but what the shine? Go for a glossing instead. This clear coat for your hair will give you the shine and smoothness of a color but won’t change your natural hair color one bit.

Avoid too many chemical processes, such as colors and perms, and avoid other hair wreckers such as chlorine, sun and tight elastic bands. Switch to semi-permanent colors, lay off the perms for a while and cover up your hair when in the sun or pool.

It’s that time of year again, my favorite, the Fall. Perfect for hayrides, long walks and WEDDINGS, of course! I love bridesmaid gowns for this season because they are always so rich in color and texture. Here are a few of my favorites.

JCrew is selling this elegant, fitted bodice-empire-waist full skirt dress online, not in stores. This classic fit, scoopneck sleeveless dress is excellent for an Autumn wedding. The midweight silk-wool is sleek and shimmering black, blue grey and gold. I actually LOVE that it has on-seam pockets. While not obivious they are exactly what a bridesmaid needs to hold an extra hair pin or a little piece of paper with a speech on it. Retails for $345.

Next up is DaVinci. They make very classic bridesmaid gowns that have a modern twist of a ribboned sash or a funky neckline accompanying a flirty feminine bodice.

I really like this gown but I’m not sure the nude tone at the top will work with many skin-tones. If you like this dress, please have all of your ‘maids try it on for looks before you choose this one. The high waist however will give all figures a nice shape by creating the illusion of height and a narrow waist. Style 9226.

Taffeta is IN!  Iridescent taffeta is extra-IN style!  I love the flirty sashy waist of this gown, especially paired with super high silvery-toned heels. I can see this gown at an evening wedding. the shimmer of the fabric makes this dress extra fancy and fun.  Style 9200.

And we have Raylia Designs. This tank-strap taffeta dress has a square neckline which is flattering on a variety of body types. The skirt is an A-line and the defined waist is very much in style right now and it also creates a waist line if there isn’t one already. Raylia gowns are very affordable too. This is style 8430Z.

Dear Stacy: I am marrying a man with two children, ages 7 and 10. This is my first marriage, his second. It is important to us that they be a part of our wedding day and to keep them entertained, I thought they could each invite a friend to the reception. However, we want an adult party. My fiance thinks that people will be offended that they couldn’t bring their own children, but that we still had 4 kids running around the party. How can we handle this situation?

This is a touchy subject no matter what you choose because you will either end up with people disgruntled at your decision or a wedding that isn’t exactly what you want it to be. This is one of a handful of wedding issues where the debate is unfortunately unending.

First off, and it sounds like you have already done this, be sure that you and your partner agree on what you want for the wedding, that way, even if relatives and friends are upset, you have presented a united front and your families can’t blame each other.

Your finance does make a good point. It isn’t really, oh… I hate when I say these things, but it isn’t really “right” to have your kids there and not invite other kids. BUT! It’s your wedding, you are allowed to do whatever you want and people just have to accept that. (SIDE NOTE: I have friends getting married next year, the child issue is still being debated, they are much closer to my husband than to me. If they don’t allow kids, I will just stay home with Noah. You couldn’t pay me to camp out all weekend in a hotel in Random-Ass, New Jersey with a 16 month old and not even get the open bar benefit.) So, that said, some people may just decide not to attend. Can you accept that?

I would actually sort of recommend not letting the kids have a friend there. You said he has two kids, they can entertain each other, and more so, there will be a lot of family members there excited to see them and that might provide entertainment enough.

If you are at all on the fence, consider inviting kids and hiring a sitter to watch kids in an upstairs hotel room or at a local off-site home. Or, invite kids and then ask that they leave by 10pm so that there are a few adult-only hours for some good partying.

I respect your wishes and applaud you for tackling this issue head-on. The notion that you suggest isn’t really correct or acceptable by “etiquette” standards. If you can live with going wildly against Miss Manners, then by all means, go right ahead. I urge you to consider a few alternatives and specifically the idea that your kids may not need their own friends for entertainment.

Sometime within the first forty-five minutes of wearing a diamond ring, the average bride realizes she needs to register for gifts. At this point, there is no wedding date, no venue, no flowers, no dress, just a ring, a question and the very decided “yes”.

Average bride will begin to mention to average groom-to-be that they need to make plans to register. Soon. Like, say, tomorrow morning.

At this point, the average groom looks at his dearly intended and realizes for the first of many times that is no longer in charge. He sighs but complies, because that is what good men do, listen and do what they are told. No?

Two months later, after a torrential period of nagging, begging and the occasional tear, the begrudging groom will oblige his dearly intended and they get in the car and joyfully-her/half-heartedly-him drive to the nearest Bed Bath and Beyond.

At the Registry counter of any department store in any-ville, America, right now, there is a man and woman about to experience exactly what I am describing.

Men - take notes!
Ladies - it really is this awesome.

After the messy red tape of a few pieces of paperwork, a store clerk will pull out a sku-gun. This is a tool vaguely resembling an actual weapon. Its purpose is to scan a sku, or UPC code and record that item to be later placed on your registry.

Groom’s eyes widen and for the first time since the moment he bought the ring, he feels control, power, choices! options! For he is wielding a mighty tool. Mightier than the electric drill.

The bride will now wander to the section of the store that is home to the much sought-after Kitchen-Aid mixer. She will read the label descriptions about the five-quart mixer and compare that to the six-quart mixer. She will debate and ask the groom what he thinks. As she notices drool on his chin, she quickly changes her question to color.

What color should we get? It only comes in black, white, orange, yellow, pea green, cobalt blue, empire red, copper, nickel, chrome, brushed steel, pearl, cinnamon and dark pewter.

Conversation ensues:

GROOM - {begins to choke on drool}

BRIDE - I think the yellow is so retro and funky, but the chrome will go with any kitchen we ever have!

GROOM - Ok.

The soon-to-be wed couple decide on the white Kitchen Aid because the groom has no taste or sense of adventure and doesn’t actually know what the Kitchen Aid IS. Also, the bride has read the How To Register Instructions and knows she can access her registry online and will soon change the color choice. She then tells her dear groom to scan the item.

“How?” he says…

Slightly annoyed at his lack of participation, bride retorts, “hold the gun and press the button until it beeps and then press enter.”

“That’s it?”

“YEAH!”

The happy bride walks googley-eyed to the bedding section to choose her sheets. For the first time in her life she can select sheets with a thread count higher than 250.

Meanwhile, the dear groom has realized the power he holds at his fingertips. He walks from one end of the aisle to the next examining every end-cap along the way stopping to add a quesadilla maker, fake boobs, condoms (Yes! Bed Bath and Beyond have these at the stores that have a health and beauty section) and a lint roller to his registry.

Half an hour later the bride emerges from the depths of the sheet collection to realize she has been talking to herself for a very long time and nothing she pointed at was zapped and recorded in her registry and then, she glances up to notice her dear husband-to-be excitedly adding two massagey-chairs and a football-themed hammock swing to the registry.

She tells her dear intended groom that they have done enough work for today and they can come back. He stutters but she grabs the gun and returns it to the clerk. The groom will excitedly talk about how fun it is to be involved and he is so glad he got to participate. The bride nods knowingly with a proud smirk.

Later that day when she checks her registry from the safety and comfort of her home computer, she learns just what the groom added to the registry, deletes the fake boobs and declares to go back to the store ALONE.

She also changes the Kitchen-Aid color to cobalt blue.

Cupcakes! Again, I know. I promise I won’t mention the sugary side of weddings again for at least a week. I just stumbled onto a new site that has THE most adorable wedding cupcakes and I got some great ideas from looking at these little sugary floury creations.

These cakes are THEME cakes, so hear me out on this one:

Do you and your guy play scrabble? Are you both writers? PhDs in English Literature? How about a Scrabble cake? You can choose a full size cake, or CUPCAKES and note the cookie on the side. There’s your favor!

Are you getting married in Washington, DC in April? Celebrate the Cherry Blossoms that the Nation’s Capital is so well known for in the Spring with this Cherry Blossom Cake.

Are you looking for a slight Eastern influence in your wedding, do you like the Cherry Blossom cake but thinks it needs something more to tie it into your theme, how about with the double happiness symbol? Or …in a different color?

This baker also makes a Star Wars cupcake with light sabers on top for the real effect.

Consider this in place of a groom’s cake for the real Star Wars fan, or if you are both fans, serve these as a sugary mid-reception dance-pick-me-up. Also, some bakers will make you mini-cupcakes for this purpose too. At a wedding last fall they served a little cup of sorbet between dinner and the cake. It was a nice refreshing touch.

These cakes are from The Pink Cake Box located in Denville, New Jersey.

Beautiful Bridal has recently written a great piece about writing your own vows.

Make your ceremony unique and special … Click here to read the entire article.

This hair was done by Elegant Hair by Giselle in Rockville, Maryland and the photo was taken by Weddings by Pamela.

I got a letter this week from loyal reader Hugh telling me all about his website and product. He and his wife make personalized wedding gifts and memorabilia as well non-wedding crafty things too. If you are looking for some cute, handmade, personalized gifts, holiday decorations, or even cooling neckbands check out Serendipity Gifts.

The invitation arrived in the mail a month ago and you just sent back the reply card with a check next to will attend and chicken. You mark your calendar blackberry and head to your closet or the nearest department store to decide what to wear.

You might think to yourself that it IS easier to be in the wedding party because then you don’t have to choose your own clothes. Huh, tough call. There are a few simple rules to follow to ensure that you do not stick out like a sore thumb for being over or under dressed, or the lady with the stupid hat. The idea is to be dressed appropriately for the event, time of day, location and most of all, wear something that compliments your body, or really, doesn’t make you look like a whore. It is, after all, somebody’s wedding.

WOMEN:

A short dress or not-too-business like suit is acceptable for a casual or semi-formal daytime wedding. For an evening wedding, informal or semi-formal, think: country club, garden wedding, pool or lakeside, a cocktail dress is called for. If the wedding takes place midday and is formal, think: a VIP wedding, suits and dresses are appropriate and hats and gloves are optional, a la Jackie Kennedy. Evening and black-tie events dictate a long dress or a fancy short cocktail dress stepped up with glitzy accessories or a shoulder wrap. They may be few and far between, but a white tie ultra formal event calls for a long gown and extra glam like furs, and rented diamond jewelery.

MEN:

During the day a man should wear a dress shirt, pants and a sports coat. A suit is best for an evening wedding or a formal daytime wedding. You are safer if the suit is dark in color. A light colored suit is acceptable for a lakeside or beach wedding. I hope I don’t need to say, SUIT AND TIE. Please, please tell me that it implied that when I say wear a suit you know I mean, suit and tie. If you are attending a nighttime wedding or the invitation specifies black-tie, men should wear a tuxedo.

If you want to read more about how what is expected of a wedding guest and how to be a gracious guest, click here.

One of the tools I found most useful in planning my own wedding day and in helping a friend with her wedding was to have a time-line of all the chores and tasks and appointments written out with expected time needs. This really helped us plan ahead of time for when we would need to wake up, eat, have the grandparents arrive, etc.

Consider the following activities and how much time they usually take:

2-3 hours: ‘Maids and ‘Moms getting hair and makeup done
1.5 hours: girls putting on dresses/finishing touches (guys getting ready during this time)
35 minutes: group girl pictures
35 minutes: group guy pictures
35-60 minutes: any other shots that would be easier to take before the ceremony
15-20 minutes: all bridal party members should have this time to relax, get a glass of water, touch up make-up, get flowers and corsages pinned on, while ceremony guests arrive and find seats
30 minutes-1 hour: Ceremony
45 minutes: receiving line (although these are not too common anymore)
30-45 minutes: formal pictures with family at the altar/chuppah, this is usually during the cocktail hour
1-1.5 hours: wedding party pics and bride & Groom shots. (if you choose a location that is close to the reception or the ceremony site, that works perfectly!!!) If this is done before the ceremony you will miss a lot less of your reception. I recommend doing it before the ceremony.

Be sure to eat something light and healthy on the morning of the wedding. Also, drink water, enough to avoid feeling dehydrated but not so much that you have to use a bathroom too frequently. Getting that dress on once is hard enough! If you do need a pee-break, ask a gal-pal to help you get your dress up and then down again. Even for the most modest of brides, this is one area where help is really needed.

Wholly Matrimony just published a three-part piece about planning your wedding to achieve the maximum photogenic moments. The pictures featured here are from Darbi’s wedding. The most important things to be aware of if you are trying to get the best photos is location, time of day (daylight) and who your hire as a photographer. You should budget to spend more than usual on photography and spend time in the beginning interviewing photographers telling them what you hope to capture and looking at their portfolio to see that they are able to take the kind of pictures you are hoping for. Also, it might be useful to plan in extra time on the day of the wedding to travel around for different picture-taking locations.

Photo taken from Wholly Matrimony, a Stacy Reeves Photography picture.

This photo was taken by Stacy Reeves Photography, based in Dallas, Texas. Lara Adkins also photographed this wedding. She can be found HERE. Her specialty is exclusive weddings, worldwide! You don’t have to be having a Texas wedding to have this excellent photographer.

Most photographers will tell you that time of day impacts photo quality a great deal. The best, most forgiving and gentle light is that of morning and late day. But, talk to your photographer to get their take on when it is best to take your pictures.

Chances are you are going to want many pictures of different combinations of family members, PLAN AHEAD! Make a list and talk with your photographer to find out how much time they think they will need. Also, ask all of those friends and family members to be dressed and ready for photos at a certain time. Ask one relative to be in charge to getting them all there and assisting the photographers in getting people ready for photos. With the excitement of the day, people will be busy talking and mingling and this little photo op session can go one way longer than necessary if someone isn’t helping to keep on track.

Simply Stated recently featured some adorable little wedding cupcakes in an article discussing the rising popularity of cupcakes as a wedding cake. Old fashioned wedding cakes are still the norm and are in their glory, gorgeous artistic works of sugar and flour. However, if you are looking for a way to simplify, scale down, price down or just be different or more resourceful, consider a wedding cake of cupcakes.

If you choose to do it on your own a cupcake tree can be purchased at any craft store and you can essentially build your own cupcake CAKE.
When you serve cupcakes instead of actual cake you can have many flavors, not just one. Usually a bride and groom will have one layer of actual cake to cut through for the tradition of “cutting the cake”. If you are interested in this option, discuss it with your baker. Less material is used so cupcakes are also less expensive than a traditional cake.

These Ron Ben-Israel individual wedding cake cupcakes are most likely NOT cheaper than a traditional cake because of the detail involved in designing each cake. Ron Ben-Israel cakes are truly pieces of art. Gorgeous and delicious they are truly sugar masterpieces.

Cupcake Royale located in Seattle, Washington is better suited for the average wedding couple looking to serve cupcakes. The lemon drop is one of MANY flavors and color options offered.

If you choose to DIY, Estillo Weddings offers decorative cupcake papers in many designs, including palm trees, a picket fence and lace.

What kind of cake did you serve at your wedding? Would you recommend your baker? Please leave a comment and let us know!

Choosing a wedding officiant can be a daunting task. Some people have it easy and they call up their childhood Minister or they just use their parent’s Rabbi. When two people get married they are not always of the same background faith and they search for an officiant who meets both of their needs and is willing to perform a ceremony with as much or as little religion as possible. It is also nice when the person marrying you can toss in a few words about your personalities or a quick story about when you met. It makes your wedding extra personal and extra memorable.

I was just reading through some of the recent wedding-related posts on Alltop and I came across a wedding planning firm in Scottsdale, Arizona. Liene (Lynn) at Blue Orchid Designs is ordained. (You know, just in case someone needs to sign a marriage certificate. ALSO: I’d pay extra for THAT feature!) Talk about being prepared! She is also the owner of this destination planning firm that specializes in being honest, helpful, and very in touch with their clients needs.

Liene offers these five tips for choosing the best person to officiate at your wedding ceremony:

1) Hire someone who is available for you. It was easy for me to write a heartfelt ceremony for my friends because they have been a significant part of my life over the years. Chances are, though, that you won’t know your officiant that well. They should be willing to meet with you in order to get an idea of who you are so that your ceremony can be personalized and not just a canned wedding message.

2) Weddings are a sacred event, and as such, a person’s beliefs play a large role. If the officiant you want has a theological or ideological difference with something that is important to you and your fiance, there is no need to be offended. It just means it is time to interview the next person.

3) Not all ordinations are created equal. Make sure that the ordination your officiant has is legal in the state you are getting married in. Each state has their own marriage laws and just because someone can perform a ceremony in Washington doesn’t necessarily mean they can perform one in Arizona.

4) Some officiants will come to the rehearsal, some won’t and some include the option for an extra fee. If your officiant doesn’t include the rehearsal in their services, make sure that they can get a copy of the ceremony outline to your wedding planner a few days prior to the rehearsal. This will allow your coordinator to better run the rehearsal and walk you through specific elements in the wedding, such as when you’ll do your sand ceremony and where to stand for it, when you’ll present flowers to your mothers, etc.

5) If the officiant works with a videographer often, they may have access to past weddings documented on film. If possible, ask to see video clips of the officiant speaking. Not all will be able to offer this, and it shouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker. It is helpful, however, to see if they are good at speaking and whether or not they do, in fact, skip the cheesiness that so many officiants are known for.