Wedding Tactics

WE TV has a new show called Bulging Brides in which a team of experts featuring a personal trainer and a nutrition specialist follow a bride-to-be for the two months prior to her wedding and basically kick her ass into shape so she will fit into a dress that is already purchased and altered and… doesn’t quite fit. Yet.

As a self-appointed wedding specialist I felt it was necessary for me to TiVo a few of these shows and review them here for all to know.

I was also secretly watching because I need to shed a few post-baby pounds myself and was hunting for diet and exercise tips.

My wedding was almost one year ago and I spent the three months prior to it getting into shape. I got myself a gym membership and went. A lot. It wasn’t easy at first but I was determined as most brides are to tone my arms and define my waistline. In time and with a lot of hard work by which I mean, HOURS of cardio, I lost about ten pounds and fit into clothes I hadn’t worn in years, er, ever.

I think the show only provides a brief idea of what needs to happen for a bride to get in shape fast. The most important tip that I took from the show was to take measurements first and at reasonable intervals so that you can really chart your progress. Most the of brides profiled were eating poorly and not exercising at all in the beginning so, a little bit of work and diet change made a world of difference. The coaches were encouraging but a little too cute-like for my tastes. They gave good tips on exercise but never actually showed the girls sweating it for their hour-long cardio sessions. I was a little disappointed that the show wasn’t more comprehensive but it did get the point across: eat less, move more and fit into your dress better.

Dear Stacy:
I hastily asked a friend to be my best man when I should have asked my brother. What sort of damage control do I need to do to un-ask my friend and what sort of role can I ask him to play instead of best man?

Yes yes. These unfortunate moments do happen: you are out with a friend, a ballgame or a bar and in the celebration of the moment you somehow ask him to be your best man. You aren’t the first person to make this decision so hastily. And now you remember DOH! your brother is your sort-of-required best man. How to tell your friend you made a mistake? Is there any amount of damage control that can make up for this grievous momentary lapse in judgment?

You should approach the situation with sincere concern and apology. Think about how you would feel if this was you in your buddy’s position. Start by telling your friend that you really want him involved in your special day but that you remembered after the fact
that you really need to have your brother as your best man but that he can be your head groomsman and you’ll be sure to give him some special tasks if he wants. Explain that the title is just a title and you hope he can be your lead man in terms of the good bachelor party fun you’ll be having.

The bottom line is that accidents happen and weddings bring out the best and worst of people. Explaining your Oops moment as just a momentary lapse in the midst of the wedding whirlwind should be enough for any understanding friend.

Be sure to include your friend a little more than you would normally just to be sure all feelings are well healed.

Dear Stacy: Should I invite the parents of those in my bridal party to the wedding? Several of the groomsmen have been friends since they were children, over fifteen years now, while I’ve only known some of my bridesmaids for about two years and I certainly don’t know their parents. I feel that if we invite some of the parents, we should invite all. Do you agree? Please help me settle this issue without any hurt feelings.

Ah. I think this issue is more common that we might expect. When you are not the one planning the wedding all of these smaller debatable issues don’t seem so crisis of the day but I know that when you are deciding who to invite and what to spend every small decision seems monstrous. So, first things first, okay?

Sometimes it is easier to think about these issues when you are slightly removed from the situation, for example, go out for a coffee with a girlfriend who isn’t too involved in the wedding and who doesn’t mind hearing you wax poetic like about your wedding woes. If your husband-to-be is supper supportive and not likely to take sides or insert his opinion, ask him to be your sounding board.

First, remember that this is your wedding, your day, your money, you invite those who you want to invite. Period. Nothing is ever really that simple, right? Next question is: Do you know these parents? If you, your financee or your parents know the parents of the bridal party member then perhaps they should be invited. If they don’t live locally, you can possible cross them off based on this fact, if you are looking to cut down on your guest list. By no means do you need to make it equal. (DO NOT THINK:Invite the mother of a bridesmaid and therefore the mother of a groomsman too?) Overall, if the parents of a bridal party member are people you want with you on your day of celebration, then invite them.

Chances are the parents of other friends will not feel at all excluded, and they still might send a congratulatory gift!

I write frequently about what guests should wear to be dressed accordingly for a wedding. I think this is a very real issue for guests. At least it has been a huge debate for me in the past when I’ve had to attend a wedding. Weddings are big events often very see and been seenand it matters what you wear as a guest.

If you aren’t sure if the wedding is formal, semi-formal, or black-tie, it IS OKAY to call a host and find out. The best way to find out these details is to ask the mother of the bride or a bridesmaid. Of course, if you are close friends with the bride, she shouldn’t mind the call and will appreciate you asking, but in most cases contact a close family member or a bridal attendant for these little etiquette issues.

Here are some tips to follow in you need a quick reference guide:

Do’s and Don’ts for the Ladies

* Don’t wear white because it competes with the bride.
* Black and sequins are not appropriate for daytime weddings.
* It is OKAY if you are wearing the same color as the maids and moms … come on, you can’t be responsible for finding out what everyone is wearing and it really doesn’t matter.
* Be feminine, appropriate, and respectful in what you wear.
* Don’t wear anything overtly sexy.
* No clubwear.
* A pastel suit or soft floral dress for daytime or a little black dress for evening (after 6 p.m.) will take you almost anywhere.

Do’s and Don’ts for the Guys

* For men, the solutions are simple, a black tux, white shirt and black bow tie is considered the mainstream accepted dress.
* In trendier cities like New York and LA variation in the color of a tie is more accepted.
* Wear a dark suit and tie if the wedding is after 6 PM, and doesn’t say “Black Tie.”
* Don’t wear a tuxedo during the day time unless the event is specifically extremely formal.
* Do use good judgment if the invitation doesn’t specify the formality of the event. A dark suit and conservative tie will take you just about anywhere. Or…. ASK!

The Knot has a new feature showing popular color combinations and one of my favorite wedding colors is yellow, now combined with celadon. Click here to read more about which vendors created what you see in the photo below on TheKnot.com

Picture from TheKnot.com

Wedding Links for April 8, 2008. Below are some links to other wedding sites I came across today.

Best Wedding Sites features a page of links to Bridal Shows and Expos in every state. When I was engaged I attended two of these expos. At the first one I was a bit timid and just looked around and collected information. At the second one I made contacts and got exactly the answers I went there with. I knew what I was looking for and where to go. I suggest taking a friend or a mother as there is a lot of stuff to carry and it always helps to have extra hands and a smiling face in a sea of crazy brides-to-be.

The Dessy Group website has a new feature allowing you to see bridesmaid gowns from several new angles. This is a great feature to use if you are just starting your search for a bridesmaid gown. Take a look at these gowns from all angles and then decide if they are worth having your maids schlep into a store for a try on.

Brenda has a Real Weddings feature where she links to an full wedding album. What’s great about this new feature is that you can also get a list of the vendors who supplied the wedding materials.

Red Envelope is one of my favorite gift-giving sites. They have great gifts at a variety of prices and a special wedding section with suggestions for bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts. And for the next week they are running a special offering 25% off of purchases.

The invitation arrived in the mail a month ago and you just sent back the reply card with a check next to will attend and chicken. You mark your calendar blackberry and head to your closet or the nearest department store to decide what to wear.

You might start to think to yourself that it IS easier to be in the wedding party because then you don’t have to choose your own clothes. There are a few simple rules to follow to ensure that you do not stick out like a sore thumb for being over or under dressed, or the lady with the stupid hat. The idea is to be dressed appropriately for the event, time of day, location and most of all, wear something that compliments your body, or really, doesn’t make you look like a whore. It is, after all, somebody’s wedding.

WOMEN:

A short dress or not-too-business like suit is acceptable for a casual or semi-formal daytime wedding. For an evening wedding, informal or semi-formal, think: country club, garden wedding, pool or lakeside, a cocktail dress is called for. If the wedding takes place midday and is formal, think: a VIP wedding, suits and dresses are appropriate and hats and gloves are optional, a la Jackie Kennedy. Evening and black-tie events dictate a long dress or a fancy short cocktail dress stepped up with glitzy accessories or a shoulder wrap. They may be few and far between, but a white tie ultra formal event calls for a long gown and extra glam like furs, and rented diamond jewelery.

MEN:

During the day a man should wear a dress shirt, pants and a sports coat. A suit is best for an evening wedding or a formal daytime wedding. You are safer if the suit is dark in color. A light colored suit is acceptable for a lakeside or beach wedding. I hope I don’t need to say, SUIT AND TIE. Please, please tell me that it implied that when I say wear a suit you know I mean, suit and tie. If you are attending a nighttime wedding or the invitation specifies black-tie, men should wear a tuxedo.

If you want to read more about how what is expected of a wedding guest and how to be a gracious guest, click here.

Just because you are having a Spring wedding doesn’t mean you have to have a pastel wedding. Pastel colors are a little muted and if you aren’t into them, don’t feel you have to use those colors just because of the Hallmark-esk association.

If you want an elegant and simple look, consider what this bride did, she had her maids wear a simple black cocktail dress that they could use again. Her flowers add the color. The dresses are shorter than most styles which alone gives the hint of warmer weather.

Orchids are great for hair-flowers because they hold up extra long in hot weather and they have stems that are strong enough to get pinned into a hairdo. They are great for gals with lighter colored hair because the pale white color of the flower is subtle enough to make a statement but large enough to add a grand romantic touch.

Every brides wants her wedding to take the cake, so to speak. One of the more fun wedding planning rituals is the tasting of the cake! Who doesn’t love walking into a bakery and being given samples of fabulous cakes, for free? Before you settle on a cake flavor and icing color, consider these important issues to discuss with the bakery.

First, ask the baker for a portfolio of previous cakes they have made for local weddings. This will give you an idea of what they are capable of making and what their style tends to be, simple cakes with lots of white decorations or way far out wacky colors, shapes and designs.

When you first identify several bakers find out if they offer group or individual tastings and ask if they will prepare different fillings as well as the basic cake flavors. Ask them for references too. Nothing speaks better than a pleased or not so pleased recent bride. If they are hesitant to provide them, be cautious, if they don’t make a habit of collecting references, ask your wedding venue if your baker is on any preferred vendor lists.

If you don’t see a cake in their portfolio that you want to order ask about custom designs and if there is a premium you will pay for that design. Have you decided what you want to have on top of your cake? A simple silver letter for your new last name, or a wacky humorous cake topper? Some bakers will provide something simple or allow you to rent or buy, be sure to ask. If you are planning to provide the cake topper, be sure to find out when then need to have it.

Find out how this baker prices their cakes. You should find that most cakes are priced by the slice. Prices range from about $2.00a slice to upwards of $8 and $10 and even more for extremely specialized cakes. Ask for an estimate or a proposal to review and keep in your files. Most bakers will deliver to the wedding site, they want you to be satisfied with the product and of course, want to protect their work. Be sure to ask what sort of coordinating they need for cake delivery.

And, finally … enjoy your cake! And don’t forget to have some, and eat it too! Consider keeping the top tier in a freezer and eating it on your one-year anniversary.

Every bride knows that her hair must be perfect on her wedding day. Brides all over search websites on their lunch breaks trying to find different styles of curls and straight and updos that will match their style, their dress, and be perfect for that long walk down the aisle. But if only you could see a preview of yourself with all those hairstyles.

Here it is ladies! A virtual-salon right here at your finger tips. Brides (dot com) is offering a virtual try-on studio for your wedding day hair style. All you have to do is upload a photo of yourself, a straight-on head shot with your hair pulled back against a simple white background and then choose different hair and make-up styles without the risk of split ends or a horrifying eyeliner experience.

Regardless of your wedding style, it is best to choose a style that you feel is wearable, and most importantly, a compliment to your dress. Hair that is pulled back too tightly can look severe and hair that isn’t pulled back at all can detract from your dress and neckline. You can never go wrong with a gentle style that accentuates your cheek bones and shows off your collarbones.

For more details visit The Knot.

It should be common knowledge now that the President’s daughter, Jenna is engaged to be married on May 10, 2008. In a recent issue of People magazine there was a one-page spread of the details they are choosing to publicize. So far, all we know is that the couple is planning a private, 200-person affair in Crawford, Texas.

I suppose Jenna has a soft spot in her heart for Texas. I do not. Had my father been the president and my wedding able to be held at the White House, I think I would have jumped at the chance for this one-of-a-kind venue. However, I’ll overlook our differences in venue to offer Jenna some wedding suggestions.

The best wedding themes debuting this season are green, as in, eco-conscious, eco-friendly, earthy and earth friendly. Even the simplest of “green” touches makes for a trendy wedding. Thus, I recommend for the most famous/infamous family in the nation right now, a “green” wedding. Of course, not every details needs to be free of chemicals, free of harm, free of animal testing, etc …

For starters, for the bride of the season I suggest a classy and traditional gown, appropriate for a country wedding at any time of day and well suited for Jenna’s curvy but fit body.

A silk satin, strapless, dropped waist, Gail Garrison gown with a semi-cathedral train.

A dominant color in this classical but earthy wedding is green. Subtle uses of the timeless color: green.

This Ann Taylor bridesmaid gown in meadow green is affordable and well tailored for the average woman’s body. Although it is a shorter length more typical of an afternoon or country-club wedding, the fabric is elegant enough for evening, especially when paired with heels and an up-do hairstyle.

I am usually a fan of a good splash of color but for a “green” wedding I really like the calla lily. In this photo the bouquet is paired with a few strands of bear grass. Bouquets of callas are best when the stems are left open and wrapped with a single strand of ribbon.

And finally, the sweetest part of the wedding, the cake!

The grass is handpainted on white fondant icing. For more detail on this cake, visit the website of the original baker, Sweet Melissa Patisserie.

This outdoor wedding at the UC Berkeley Botanical Garden is featured on TheKnot and shows good use of nature and simple colors .